A Fat Lip

images-1   Rule number 1…when it comes to any kind of plastic surgery, money should be no object. My pal Camille, ex or otherwise, taught me this. It’s not like recovering a chair, you don’t shop around for the best deal. You just go to the top-of-the-line and that’s that.

And if you feel you can’t afford to, then you wait, or remortgage your house.

What’s this all about?

A model I know, I’ll call Penny, wanted to have some fat put into her lips. She called excited because she had a coupon…would I go with her to redeem it.

Rule number 2…coupons are great for Jell-O, Hamburger Helper and Lemon Pledge…but not Botox or whatever fat-filler was being offered. Again, when it has to do with your face, you don’t go to Filene’s Basement, you go to Bergdorf on the designer floor.

I tried gently dissuading her, even offering to introduce her to Camille’s pal Bob, who happens to be a great plastic surgeon who would probably wave his consultation fee as a favor to me. Also, we’re talking lips, not rear-end or cheeks…so less is more. In other words, you don’t want to come out looking like Mick Jagger who doesn’t even want to look like Mick Jagger, but has no choice.

And Angelina Jolie was born that way, so it looks natural on her.

Why, because it is. The minute you try to emulate that pout you’re in deep trouble.

Did Penny listen?

Fat chance.

So we go to this office all the way on the West Side, red flag number 1. A good surgeon isn’t located above a fruit stand. The velvet Elvis greeting you in reception, red flag number 2.

“Maybe he was a patient?” Penny said waving her coupon, red flag number 3 through 9.

“Elvis has been dead since 1977…unless this guy is Moses, Elvis was not a patient.”

I did say she was a model, didn’t I? And a youngish one at that. She’s practically an infant…she’s 50…

but I’m digressing.

This little guy comes out…no nurse, with teeth the size of Chiclets. “Run,” I whisper to Penny who giggles at what she calls, my funny paranoia.

12 Step streams in my good ear…Susannah, do not create a crisis NOR STOP ONE.

So, I desist all attempts to save Penny from what may be a ghastly mistake as she disappears into Dr. Frankenstein’s inner sanctum.

Ten minutes later, rather than Penny a blowfish comes out.

“How do I luke?” she said, slurring her words.

“Great,” I said, since she seemed so happy despite the pout that could be seen around the world.

“Dr. Mike said they’re just a little swollen.”

“Really, just a little?”

“And guess what?”

“I can’t imagine?”

“He’s offered you a two-for one? Isn’t that great?”

“Wow…I don’t know what to say.”

Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I didn’t let him enhance my lips eight times their original size. I thanked him politely, I’m from Connecticut remember, and took Penny home recommending she drink, and not look into a mirror…

for at least three years.





About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Beauty, Fashion, Health, humor, modeling, money, New York City, women and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to A Fat Lip

  1. Elle Knowles says:

    Yes, the velvet Elvis should have been the clue…Some people never learn do they! LOL!


  2. I can’t ….. just the words “coupon” and “plastic surgery” being so close together make me sweat. Yikes!


    • Me too Tops. Believe me, I could use a little something but it’s too scary to me. 2-fers are the new thing…they promote business since two friends split it. I’m sure Penny was hoping I’d say yes so I’d pay half…not a chance.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Lynn says:

    Poor Penny! You couldn’t pay me to put that shit in my body! I have never understood the need to avoid aging. Trust me, I try to keep myself looking young & try not to gasp when I see my mother looking back at me in the mirror, but how does one possibly think that blowing your lips up is attractive?


    • Blame it on the fashion magazines who have page after page of crap to make you look younger. Botox drains out after a while, but women get so nuts they get more before they should, so plump takes on all new meaning.


  4. gmg says:

    HA HA. So funny, Susannah!! It always amazes me that women think they look good with those oversized lips…….You said it best:)


    • I have one word for the female population..DON’T. If you bop down Madison Avenue say, noonish, any day of the week, you’d think about using cold cream let alone injecting fat in your face after seeing the array of mistakes with shopping bags. I mean it…if you’re set on having something done, take out a loan before you let some quack do anything to you.


  5. This is hysterical! It’s more hysterical because it’s probably true! Lips are the toughest to make look natural. Even those stars who get the best of the best have an odd look about them. You were such a good friend to not remind her that it wasn’t a good idea. You must let us know how she is when it all settles down and she realizes what she did. Then again, perhaps she will like it.


  6. Patricia says:

    There is a woman inmy building who had this done. She has had other stuff done that looks wonderful. But the lips thing…not so much. When I talk to her I find it difficult to stop staring at her mouth. She is a beaytiful woman in her seventies…sadly, with blubber lips.


  7. skinnyuz2b says:

    I just watched the new season of Celebrity Apprentice for the first time last night (recorded). There are 4 or 5 blondes that have identical hair, pulled faces, and puffed lips. It’s almost impossible to tell them apart.


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