Sex On A Bike

My pal Chris thinks I should write more about sex, so this is for him.

images-3 Is sex like riding a bike…given the opportunity, you remember how to do it?

When I think what a hound I was now that I’m one step from a Carmelite nun, it’s hard to believe.

I have a friend whose cervix closed up, I’m assuming from lack of use. It’s what got me thinking, if you don’t use it, you lose it.

My Indian gynecologist, a dead ringer for Indira Gandhi, tried giving me an estrogen cream you lather your ying-yang in, to quote my friend Tina, keeping it moist and ready. I balked at the suggestion worried I’d feel like a basted turkey from the waist down, not to mention the cost. I decided a magnum of champagne would make me more amorous than an overpriced lube job.

I’m told by reliable sources many doctors get variable kick-backs from eager pharmaceutical companies anxious for them to push their products. Does Indira win a toaster if she gives out enough estrogen cream?

But back to sex.

As I figure, if I never have it again, I’ve still had more than anyone else I know. It’s true. Models get around, not in a bad way, but we do meet the most interesting men. It’s part of the package.

It’s a pity I’m not the kind who kisses and tells after having a few notables between the sheets. I just can’t bring myself to tell the intimate details that would certainly sell copies.

The famous actor who came to the door in a monogrammed bathrobe eating a pint of chocolate Haagen-dazs smiling like a cougar muttering, “Just getting my sweet tooth nice and ready for things to come.”

“Excuse me?”

Then there was the Englishman who quoted Hamlet as he crossed the finish line. At that point I hadn’t even read the play casually asking over dinner, “So who the hell is Ophelia?”

I’d like to have sex again, but it’s very much like being on a certain diet. Where before you ate practically anything, now you’re much more picky. No more secret sauces for you.

However, I do believe in the unexpected…the chance encounter that could change your life.

I’m hoping if and when that happens, sex is like riding a bike and I can still, without pulling a muscle, reach those darn pedals. images-4





About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in humor, sex, sexual relationships, Women and men and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Sex On A Bike

  1. Elle Knowles says:

    You do have such a way with comparison! “reach those darn pedals.” πŸ˜‰ ~Elle


  2. pmahaney says:

    Suddenly Susannah, coming in here got more exciting. Am I in the right room, I mean all this recent cussing and now sex talk? LOL.


  3. How odd, on my last gyn visit I got a recommendation for lube too. I put it in my pocket. What happened to KY when you need it? I remember that I used that for stuck pipes too. It worked like WD40. Fun post and your sex life can be as active as you want it to be. You are a gorgeous, sexy chick! Yes I know, no special sauce.


  4. MJ says:

    I wonder if anyone’s tried that estrogen cream on the face. Anything designed for the delicate nether parts ought to be safe for use where the sun shines, It must be stronger than what’s available OTC, too, and maybe even cheaper. I once bought Preparation H for cosmetic purposes, but all it did was spoil my eye make-up. Maybe I didn’t apply it properly.


  5. Please! Some cream made in a lab has nothing on some sexy grapes in a bottle …. so I’ve heard. I’m with you … cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. When I first read the title, I thought you were going to talk about one of those exercise bikes that moves back and forth when you ride them. πŸ™‚
    Actually, I think that finding Shakespeare lines that would be funny during sex sounds like a fun literati party game. The first one I thought of was Macbeth, Act 2, Scene 1: “Is this a dagger I see before me…” πŸ™‚


  7. skinnyuz2b says:

    I love the way you write, Susannah. Such analogies. And just like riding that bike, it’ll all come back to you!


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