The Carmela Chronicles

I’ve been going to Brooklyn faithfully every week, but not only on Saturdays. Due to weather, I needed to exercise some flexibility so Carm and I could go for a nice, comfy walk. Like most women, she hates getting wet therefore a Plan B was needed. So far it’s been working out scoping the weekly weather visiting on the best day.

I went yesterday all teary and filled with gloom leaving in a much better mood. My pal Ed said, Carmela’s the cheapest therapist in town. I can see me on the couch, she sitting up on a chair, humping it of course, but nothing’s perfect.

“So tell me what’s wrong this time Susannah, but I’d like a cookie first.”

One peek at her wiggling down the stairs beats a triple dose of Prozac.

She’s even funnier than a Lucy show.

It’s as though she knows it’s me at the door since she does everything but open it, knocking me down in her delight to see me.

We went for a nice stroll along Brooklyn’s Promenade happy to be together. If I found a man that looked at me the way Carmela does, I’d be off to the races. I never thought much of the term, man’s best friend, till I met her. Her loyalty makes the two-legged, pirates in comparison.

I of course let her do exactly what she wants, so when she attempted having sex with a corgi I looked the other way. The corgi was fixed, but her reputation was at stake. I said, “You know Tubes, you don’t want people to think you’re a party girl.”

“Why not, think of the fun I’ll have.” She also doesn’t understand how some dogs, male and female, are just not interested in knowing her.

“But I’m so cute and well-built.” That she is. She’s looking more and more like Jennifer Lopez every time I see her.

Quite often I have to deal with irate owners up in arms about their little puggle being sniffed and seduced, but I say things like, “She’s harmless and just wants to be friends.” Of course there she is with her legs wide open like a fat floozy.

“I love short men.”

“Well, that’s great Carmela but he’s a girl. Did you just wink at me?”

After an hour we go back home her father insisting I stay for coffee. The cook comes out with a demure china cup and creamer waiting on me as if I’m at the Ritz. After a sip or two, I join Carm on the floor who’s been staring at me since, “Woon loomp or two?

She drapes herself across my lap like a chubby throw rug kissing my face, my ears…working her way down to my pockets before slyly helping herself to a cookie. I’m so impressed by her smartness, I let her. Her father also watches laughing, in Spanish of course.

Ami the maid comes out with a bottle of Poland Spring…for sa soobway tain…before I take leave.

The last thing I see is Carmela’s face at the front door. “I’ll see you next week,” I say, giving her a kiss and one more biscuit for the road.

“Did you just wink at me?”



“Did you see that doberman go by?”

“Yes Carmela, I did.”

“Wasn’t he hot?”

“Isn’t he a little big for you?”

“Yeah, and your point is?”

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in animals, humor, Love and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to The Carmela Chronicles

  1. From this moment on Carmella will look exactly like J-Lo to these eyes!
    The love these animals give is incredible and I couldn’t agree more that they are indeed the best therapists on the market. They make everything better for me the second I walk in the door.
    My two are like the Odd Couple. Peanut is Felix…very serious & smart. Landon is Oscar… you just have to love him and his crazy little ways.
    I love that Carmella is working it…lol!


    • Carmela is a wheeler dealer alright…but I feel my heart lift the minute I see her, and this family is so impressed I travel all teh way there. Even the help can’t get over it.

      I know how much you love your dogs, past and present. Chester, Peanut and Landon 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lynn says:

    I so enjoyed this post Susannah! Our canine friends bring us such joy, simply by just being in their company. They have a way of making us feel like we are simply the best thing on the planet, regardless of our mood or how we look. A little dose of time spent with them can turn even the crappiest days into a not so bad one.

    Love the picture of Carm – I can hear her talking to you!


  3. Obviously she likes them hot and hung. I see a new book coming…..


  4. pmahaney says:

    Who can resist those eyes? All they require is food, water and love. Okay, occasionally a walk, but that’s just their way of saying we need the exercise.


  5. Jeanette Hamilton says:

    I love reading about your friendship with Carmela. I’m so glad you still get to spend time with her since she moved.


  6. MJ says:

    Ah, a Carmela chronicle! Is it my imagination, but is la tubette looking less puppy and more pubescent these days? She’s got a rueful gleam in her eyes that seems to be saying “I know you don’t like him, but I’m in love!”


  7. Ah, Susannah. I always love your Carmela stories. 🙂


  8. skinnyuz2b says:

    I’m so glad things worked out after the move, Susannah. I think Carmela would have been just as devastated as you if they hadn’t.


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