Central Park Rehab

I can’t seem to run deciding my heart’s just too heavy to lift.  So instead I’ve been walking and weeping, weeping and walking allowing mother nature to comfort me.

She’s the all time antidote for heartbreak since God really shows off in her presence.

I’ve seen squirrels canoodling, birds sitting on the back of benches tweeting in unison… finally, we can fucking sunbathe.

Tasmania, the golden retriever, ran to me so I could pet her.  Stella and Sadie the springer spaniels also delighted me with a good scratch behind the ears (theirs not mine).

Seemed obvious the word is out I need support.

How do animals know you’re in the weeds updating your will?  Even Rosie the cat who hates being held, let me carry her for a good ten minutes.

But the trees speak to me most.  Just a month ago they were brown and barren, and now, flush and green.  They remind me all things end, good and bad, and we must press on our grief in tow.  Eventually my latest loss will be filed into the archives, next to my health and Hicks, grandfather and youth that presently feels so wasted.  The scar will be there that, like all breaks, will ache when it rains.

My plate overflows with fear of the unknown.  Without going into detail, I’ve had so many tests recently, any minute I’ll be writing from a test tube.

My hearing dropped no doubt from all the stress I’ve been under so I’m back on steroids.  Soon you’ll see my rhythms change, posting at 2 a.m. out the door by 4.  I’ll make fun of myself for again redecorating while singing Whistle While You Work till I’m weaned off my happy drug I pray hasn’t been gnawing my bones like a woodpecker.

Yes, the joys of Prednisone.

I don’t mean to whine…would much prefer a glass, but thanks so much for listening.

getPart

The Central Park running track taken by yours truly while in flight.

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in animals, Beauty, Faith, friendship, Gratitude, Love, nature, New York City and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Central Park Rehab

  1. micklively says:

    I’m sorry you’re suffering again but I’m pleased to hear your sojourn with nature helps.

    Like

  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    A phrase you use really hit me, Susannah. “… all things end, good and bad …” I always remember that the bad will be replaced, but so often I take fore granted that the good will last forever.
    I hope this beautiful spring that has finally come will warm you both inside and out.

    Like

  3. Elle Knowles says:

    With a view like that Susannah you can’t help but run with ease. You don’t have to hear well to write well so I’m sure soon you will be back up to par and delighting all with your wonderful wit as usual. Grieving is a process – left foot, right foot – pen in hand. 😉 ~Elle

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    • I wasn’t going to post it because the last thing I want to do is depress anyone, but candor truly us a goal of mine so this is how I feel.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Elle Knowles says:

        It helps you heal to express your grief and you do it through your writing beautifully by painting a picture. Glad you are working. I’ve got loads to work on! Have a good day. ~Elle

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      • Sitting in a Starbucks very early. I want to be in my truth without shame and this is,it. I’m in mourning over a basset hound who gave me lots of love ❤ and petrified there’s something seriously wrong with me. I did write over the weekend two more uplifting things ir rather interesting events but that’s,for tomorrow. Please,write for me since I’ll be in model mode all day and don’t forget Monday blogs. Be well

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Time is the best healer of all. Unfortunately, we can’t hurry it along. Hope your health perks up and you get off pred!

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  5. Lynn says:

    Grief is a funny thing. Some days you can see the sunlight, some days you just can’t. We all process it in different ways & pace. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other Susannah, eventually the spring in your step will return.

    Like

  6. You need to vent, get those feelings out, and stay out there and soak up those Spring walks. I guessing Carmela will, so you should too. :O)

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  7. Being in our natural habitat always makes us feel better. In your case being amongst your “people” the animals always does the trick. I’m glad your eyes are open enough to realize what works, sadly most people walk around with their cloak and sickle.

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  8. AZMike says:

    Susannah, I am glad you have the courage to share your pain, it lets us appreciate our good days more and gives myself the kick in the pants to ask GOD to heal a friend. I know we’ve never met but sometimes those can be the best friends.
    On GOD’s intervention, around 16 years ago I had a terrible smoker’s cough, smoking 4 packs a day for a long time can do that to you. I coughed myself to sleep, took Halls cough drop to mask the cough long enough to drift off. I’d wake up coughing, reach for a cig and light it before getting out of bed. When it got really bad I prayed. I remembered something about Jesus saying, “If you had a mustard seed of faith you could move a mountain.” That was all the faith I had but I kept HIM to HIS word. I didn’t stop praying and HE heard my plea, somewhere around two months after asking HIM to let me cut back I woke up with the willpower to not light up right away. Minutes lead to hours to days to years. I asked to cut back an I got delivered.
    I have a little more faith than a mustard seed now, I’m still a sinner and only by HIS grace do I stand a chance. With that I pray for you, your heart and your health. May GOD bless you Susannah.

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    • This was quite unexpected as I pace like a manic cougar. I appreciate you praying for me more than you know. I’m glad you found your faith. Mine at the moment is down a quart I’m sorry to say, but I will keep asking to have it restored. Thank you very much.

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  9. Sometimes just getting outside in the fresh air is the best thing to do. It’s great that New York has Central Park and hasn’t paved over the whole thing. That was some insightful planning way back when.

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