So, How Often Do You Tweet?

images“So, how often do you Tweet?” a deep voice asked.  I half expected a robin to be seated next to me, but it was a young man fondling his iPhone like a blowup doll.

“Excuse me?” I said, looking up from my book.  I was having a late afternoon latte at an outdoor cafe not expecting this question.

“I’m referring to Twitter.  How often do you Tweet?”

“To be honest, I’m not much of a Tweeter. ”

“You’re logged on aren’t you?” He was starring at me as if I had three heads.

“I actually am, so my blog tweets itself every time I post something.”

“How often is that?”

“Five days a week, twice on Mondays since I participate on #Mondayblogs.”

He shook his head. “But what about building an audience for your blog.  Tweeting is the best social network for that.”

“You know, you’re barking up the wrong tree here.  I’m just not that kinda girl.  I do every thing moderately, including Tweeting.  And if you don’t mind me saying, what’s so important that you have to tell the world everything you do and think anyway?”

“People are interested.”

“What was your last Tweet…may I ask?”

He scrolled like a pro showing his screen. Talking to an attractive woman over coffee.

Of course the attractive woman part thawed me a bit, however.

“Why was that interesting? Who the fuck cares?”

“My followers do.”

“Oh please…spare me.  You’ve also misled them.  We’re having coffee, but technically separately.

“I only have so many characters to work with so brief is best.”

“Deception is best you mean.”

The 4 bucks I paid for my now ruined latte, the milk somehow evaporating, irked the hell out of me.  Why I engaged in the first place will remain a mystery.  He was all of 30 with a nose you could hang your hat on.  He looked like a myna bird, which I suppose made sense being such a Tweeter and all.  Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

As though reading my mind he said, “Would you like a fresh cup?”

“If I said yes, will you Tweet it?”

He smiled impishly.   I watched him stand in line, his fast, frisky fingers never leaving his keyboard.

images-1 Tweet that why don’t you…mother fucker.




About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in Books, humor, New York City, Women and men, words, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

40 Responses to So, How Often Do You Tweet?

  1. micklively says:

    The denizens of Twitter have nothing to say but insist on saying it anyway. An ancient saw says empty vessels make most noise.
    ( I think you were a bit hard on him though).


  2. Lisa says:

    Oh that’s funny. I’ve tried twitter a few times, I like it for some stuff but as far as constantly keeping up with it, not really my thing. I get bored with it after awhile. The most I ever used it was to live tweet a show I was watching for silly reasons too. I usually did it in the hopes that I would get retweeted by the network for whatever I said. It really far more about showing off your feathers and maybe doing some business than anything else.


  3. I do not tweet, twit or twat because I know I would find myself judging the tweets, twits & twits of others with a constant “who the fuck cares” statement.
    Why do folks think it is acceptable to invade our personal space? There you are reading quietly, minding your own damn business and this guy felt it was “ok” to break that peace. I do not get that or the need to tweet it to the world.


    • I do not tweet, twit or twat That’s gotta be the best alliteration I have ever heard. Bravo Top.

      As far as Mr. Myna goes, when you Tweet like your life depends on it, it surely means there are no boundaries in your mist. I let him replace my tepid coffee and left. I’m sure he told everyone. LOL


  4. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, I’m so far in the stone age I don’t even text. Of course, we have no service at home. My husband bought everyone the very first camera phone, a real novelty. I took two pictures of my knees by accident while trying to do something else. He then foolishly bought me the next generation that came out. I now have a simple, plain old cell phone.


    • I love that you have snapshots of your knees. That really made me laugh. I have everything because of work, manning my phone like a ship, but the social network part is lost on me. I’m on all kinds of things but am not faithful in attendance. I will post an essay on Facebook since the blog has its own page, but that’s it. If it didn’t Tweet automatically due to an ambitious moment I must have had, I’d forget all about it. Ho-hum Skinny. Then I wonder why I have so few followers.


  5. Lynn says:

    I honestly don’t get the whole tweeting concept. Not that it hasn’t been explained to me a millions times….I just don’t get it.


    • That’s because you have a life. People who Tweet don’t seem to do anything else. I see them in Panera in the morning first light. I wanna say…what’s so fucking important at 6 am? I don’t, but I’m close.


  6. Ally Bean says:

    I enjoy Twitter, but there’s a learning curve to it. That being said, I refuse to tweet everything that I do, nor am I on it every day. On Twitter I prefer to add links to info and to occasionally snark a bit. As for hashtags, I’m not what they call a hashtag warrior. I use ’em, but judiciously.


  7. I will not stand up for Twitter other than as a blog enhancement.
    However, social media does have its points. No, I do not like to know how many times you blew your nose (or your neighbor for that matter) yesterday.
    But, I have used FB positively for many things. I do like the games and, since I mostly play friends, we talk and catch up.
    I can go through 20 minutes and, basically, catchup on all of my closer friends who do FB at any given moment.
    I have also used it (am now) to find someone to do some work for me (Fix my roof).
    I don’t use it to tell the little things I have done or are doing (having coffee with an attractive woman might just find its way onto my fb, though). I do use it to let most of the big important things get told, plus my blog, and anything else I come across that is just too good to pass up.
    Just some thoughts,
    PS – no smart phone or tablet, so no FB, twitting, or other stuff when out of the house.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Seriously? I have enough trouble with facebook. Who cares if you are at Home Depot and don’t send me another sickly sweet saying about friends. Tell me interesting stuff about your life! Just the facts! Like you, my blog tweets and that’s it.


  9. AZMike says:

    Glad you are “notthatkindagirl . 🙂

    *Saw your name on a street sign today, wondered if they would have missed it?

    How was your test?


  10. Elle Knowles says:

    I would not be on Twitter except for the point of promoting my blog which promotes my Author FB page which promotes my book which… Haha the order is always changing… One hand washes the other. I still don’t understand Twitter and get lost in the news feed somewhat so mostly I just auto promote my blog and occasionally you, Susannah, as you always have something funny but wise to say! ~Elle


  11. I tried to do Twitter right for a while, but found that I had very little to say that fit into 140 characters and I couldn’t produce the volume that seemed to be required. Love that last image you used. 🙂


  12. kutukamus says:

    LOL. Can only imagine this, though—for I don’t have a tweet account. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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