I always say how much I love the library for the peace it guarantees.  You get to sit in this lovely room framed in long French windows nestled on chintz couches and cushy easy chairs reading to your hearts’ content.  It’s the closest think to heaven without an open bar.

However, every so often a faux pas occurs.  Something rare and unexpected.

A woman I’ve seen before always remembered for her old-world style came in sitting across from me buried in the New York Times.  She dresses like it was 1907…lace brocaded frocks tight around the waist and bust.  Chubby calves crammed into vintage Ferragamo day slippers.  I always think of Caroline Astor and her 400 set of socialites whenever this 220px-Caroline_Schermerhorn_Astor  lady appears since she also has that same distinguished  look of perpetual, snooty disdain.

The reading room is so quiet, quite often people nap.  Even I on occasion will close my eyes for a fleeting rest.  So Mrs. Astor too, took a little catnap between the style and financial page.

Then another lady came in about the same age, 70 to 75…also well-dressed in a Pucci skirt and billowy blouse plopping herself on the couch next to me, strands of pearls threatening to strangle her.getPartIt took her a few minutes to settle causing the sofa to undulate like it was suddenly on water finally relaxing with the current issue of Vogue.  After a few minutes she too fell asleep to the sound of the other woman blissfully snoring.

Now the thing about the library is, no one wants to be improper about anything, and that includes admonishing someone’s unseemly behavior, yet we were all getting annoyed, exchanging looks, shaking our heads, when suddenly the woman on the couch let out a fart that could be heard around the world waking both she and the snorer solving the problem.

Of course, the rest of us with our noses in our books and periodicals had to pretend we didn’t hear (nor smell) a thing.

I mean it is the library after all.

It took a few minutes for the fumes to clear, but in no time peace and fresh air was restored after a man got up and opened a window.



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in Books, comedy, History, humor, money, New York City, readng, words, writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to SHH!

  1. micklively says:

    Even the queen farts, or so I’m told, though she probably doesn’t in public libraries. Mind you, if you own your own library, you’d probably never need to.
    You made me giggle again this morning Susannah.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sadly the 12 year old boy inside me would have burst into some sort of uncontrollable laughter. It’s like being in church when you witness something, that for reasons unknown, strike you as the funniest thing you ever heard in in your life! I’m sweating at the thought….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. skinnyuz2b says:

    I would have had trouble to keep from laughing, too! While in a yoga class, over 40 years ago, we all had our butts in the air. One of the guys let one fly. Just as at the library, we all pretended not to hear.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sure my eyes would have watered at the smell. Can’t believe no one cracked a joke. Like Tops, there’s a 12-year-old inside of me who loves fart jokes!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. edwardcres says:

    After 2.5 million years of Human evolution you’d think the dynamics of methane management would have developed to a level a bit more bio-mechanically sophisticated than blowing a smelly cloud out our asses. So much for Intelligent Design. The Trabant had a better exhaust system. On the other hand, as you’ve proven this morning, fart stories make great copy. And I’m honor bound to admit, I’m with Top Down, compelled to bolt the hell out of there, laughing hysterically.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Good thing I wasn’t there… I am a true juvenile when it comes to bodily noises… in fact I am still laughing about this! My daughters tell me that they can’t take me anywhere and I definitely would be kicked out of the lovely library…. This was hilarious!! Love it! DAF


  7. Patricia says:

    Nothing funny ever happens at my library.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. LOL and yet another reason to be … snooty. 😀


  9. Elle Knowles says:

    On my Susannah. How did you keep your cool? That poor woman may never visit the library again. funny funny! Why does all the funny stuff happen around you? Maybe you are just more observant than most people? ~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The only place I know where it would be worse to fart loudly would be in a crowded elevator (especially if it was stuck). Oh, well, on public television, obviously!

    Liked by 1 person

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