Once again I am losing a friend. Since my hearing loss three years ago this is nothing new. Those I thought cared deeply for me, jumped ship. And now it’s happened again. 
I would never expose who it is though if this person reads what I’m about to pen they will know without question, since they’ve done it twice before.
The last two times we were reunited, my joy was that great, I forgot how painful the rejection was.
I should be used to this conduct by now having lost so many friends who cannot deal with my compromised state though always politely, passionately denied. The last important one being Jed, and I don’t care that I’m using his real name since he hurt me that much.
Before I go on, you do know who your friends are when you’re crumbling where you stand. They hold a vigil offering their hand letting you know, despite how it may feel, you are not alone…feelings after all, aren’t facts.
That said…this last defection shouldn’t surprise me yet it hurts right down to my socks. I’ve learned though, someone’s bizarre, unpredictable behavior has little to do with you even if you are hemorrhaging because of it.
I can only compare it to watching a ship sail out of port. It lifts anchor at the dock slowly taking leave. You watch as it gets smaller and smaller disappearing over the horizon wondering if you’ll ever see it again.
I have the utmost respect and admiration for this person who I know struggles in their day to day existence. My heart opens willing to do whatever it takes it help and assist.
Naturally in true Susannah fashion I blame myself and my multitude of problems people no longer wish to hear. A shrink I had called this a Grandiosity Complex, always making it about you. But when you’re hurt, it is about you, so shame takes center stage while friendship, a final bow. But thank God, I’ve honed the skill of rallying.
Yet it doesn’t matter how I spin it…I still feel abandoned, but wisely see being the third time this dance was done, despite the pain, it has nothing to do with me…therefore…
I will quietly and sadly, bind my wounds.
And as always, wish her well.
SB
I’ve said it before: anyone who can treat you that way was never your friend and you’re well rid. I know that doesn’t ease the pain much.
LikeLike
Thanks Mick…will just to say to all my esteemed readers, I’d much prefer no comments on this…very painful and not looking for added sympathy since it seems to make it worse. As we get older, stranger things occur so out of our control. I’ve learned to expect it. Doesn’t ease loss by any means, but it’s just part of this time of one’s life.
Thanks
Susannah
LikeLiked by 1 person
No inspiring words. Just a hug. A big bear hug:)
LikeLike
Thank you Lynn.
LikeLike
I certainly hope this wound heals without scars. ((Hugs))
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Top.
LikeLike
Susannah, I know first hand how much it hurts when someone is a fair-weather friend. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Like you, I know this person has their own ‘mental’ problems. So I’ll be there if she calls and will act as though nothing ever happened; until the next time. But it still hurts, doesn’t it? Friends don’t just grow on trees.
LikeLike
Thanks Skinny. Too painful to discuss, but appreciate what you wrote.
LikeLike
Here. ;o)
LikeLike
Oh, dear. This was so sad. I have to say, though, micklively up there on the comments thread has it exactly right.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. Didn’t mean to make you sad. Am a big believer in ridding one’s heart of upset by emptying it onto the page. Helps the healing process.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s one of the great things about blogs. I was genuinely sorry to hear that you’d been treated rather shabbily by someone you’d considered a friend. I know that getting the hurt out there, though, can be part of getting over it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Writing, at least for me, is the ultimate panacea. Thanks for writing.
LikeLiked by 1 person