I just ordered a new bed at Sleepy’s since mine is 22 years old. Gigi, the salesgirl, amazed, said it was older than she was half expecting her to ask for its autograph. One could say, it’s the Elvis of double-beds.
To be honest, I feel a little guilty trading it in since it’s been loyal for so long…constant, cozy…hard yet supple…how many things can you say that about?
But, to loosely quote Clemenza from the Godfather, I went to the mattresses anyway.
At 3 a.m. starting to get sentimental, I uncorked a bottle of red and tripped down memory lane.
Boy did we have a laugh.
“Remember the guy you brought home who was so drunk, when he tried to assume the position, went too far falling on the floor cutting his chin open? One minute you were in the throes of lust, the next, the bathroom with cotton balls and peroxide…
Not the balls you were hoping for, eh Susannah?”
“Shut-up, before I turn you into sofa stuffing.”
Then there was the chef who looked like a fat Johnny Depp, and the investment banker who fell asleep naked wearing his Gucci loafers because his feet were cold.
And we mustn’t forget Hicks who christened the bed wanting to break a bottle of Mumms over the box spring. When I asked if it was too hard without missing a beat he said, “You tell me bay-ba.”
No, it was never too hard, always just right with just the perfect amount of pull.
Did you hear that? It’s Hicks giggling from the ethers.
Who can pass up a cheesy moment…certainly not me.
I will admit…sigh…there’s been much inactivity as of late, but those springs, though on leave, could still hold a bucking bronco with cool agility if need be.
It’s a pity there’s not a mattress Hall of Fame since mine, even with the cranberry juice stain down the middle, would be a shoo-in.
Oh well. Sometimes a girl has to be a grown-up and leave sentiment behind simply because she has a 30% off coupon burning a hole in her pocket saying, it’s time to just move on to something even harder…bay-ba.
Cheesy, oh so cheesy 🙂