Last Call

I have stopped drinking, for how long, I don’t know.  But having that alcoholic gene passed down from my parents, those yield signs are flashing.

Dave Attell, a comic I love says, he drinks to quiet the voices.  My father drank I’m pretty sure to stop thinking of my mother and her frequent dalliances with other men.  My mother on the other hand drank dancing to her demons urging her to cheat while manning a cocktail shaker.

Hicks drank practically out of the womb finally stopping when sadly, it was too late, his body taking too bad a hit.

That’s the thing.  One’s liver is very discreet holding it all in until it can’t anymore.

I guess I’m in the Dave Attell category thinking removing myself would quell all that troubles me.  Well, I hate to be the one to break the news Dave, but those voices and troubles just taunt louder.

Anger, disappointment and self-pity bleats in Dolby Sound.  There you are moaning like you’re playing Carmen, careening down the street.  A concerned passerby approaches to see if they can help, so you go off on a rant unleashing ire no amount of vodka can restrain.

And the poor mes take on grand proportions as you weep and snivel, snot suddenly oozing onto your best silk blouse.

I’m not saying staying conscious comes pain free, it certainly doesn’t, but your mind is clearer, so whatever your next move is, it will be a saner one.  When you’re drunk, however, everything reflects back like you’re facing a funhouse mirror.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still moaning, but with more dignity and in the privacy of my own home.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the sound of ice dropping into a fine crystal glass, but being sober makes it half full, more than half empty.

Let’s see how long it will last.

Cheers…for old times sake.


About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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31 Responses to Last Call

  1. micklively says:

    It is mayhap the ultimate irony that alcohol, a powerful depressant, is the most frequently self-prescribed panacea of the depressed.


  2. Beverly Giangiacomo says:

    What your parents lived and experienced does not have to influence your decisions…epigenitics is the study of how our genes can indeed change….and with the influence of stuff you would never imagine! I know you don’t go to church anymore and I am not trying to change your mind, but I find that daily Mass at 6:30 AM is the best start to my day…”Here I am Lord, show me what to do and give me the stuff to do it with!”
    I’ll shoot you a prayer this AM…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I believe in prayer, just not the Catholic Church. I was raised in it and went to mass every morning at 7 for years. Now I don’t. One, it’s too hard hear even with the earphones they provide, and I’m simply not inspired anymore. God has little to do with organized religion, I learned that one much too late in life.
      I agree with Emerson. If you want to feel close to God, walk in nature, so Bev, that’s exactly what I’m on my to do Thanks, and don’t forget that prayer…counting on it 🙂


  3. Does this mean no more trips to Bemelman’s? I’ll miss the stories but I’d rather have you healthy.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. skinnyuz2b says:

    Good for you, Susannah. I, too, will miss the Bemelman tales, but want you to stay strong. How smart of you to recognize the signs and heed them.


    • Yeah, you can see how easily you could have a real problem. Maybe it’s good not to right about Bemelmans for a while. My eyes will be fresh and less bloodshot when I commence. Have a great weekend Skinny. Always a pleasure to hear from you.


  5. Good for you. I raise the mug of Earl Grey tea I’m currently drinking to you.


    • I had no idea you didn’t drink. I will again, once I can control it better. I have so much stuff going on David, my fantasy was, it would calm and soothe rather than rile and rage. Live and learn.


      • Actually I do drink sometimes, Susannah, I just happened to be drinking Earl Grey at that moment. Actually I am at this moment too. 🙂 I didn’t grow up with alcohol and actually didn’t even taste beer until I was 25. I like one every now and then now, although I don’t really like wine.


      • I want to be able to drink normally, which is how it’s been most of my life. Due to matters out of my control, I had a very liquid summer so, fall back…spring ahead as they say.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Sandra S. says:

    Bill Hicks did not drink or smoke until he was 21 and neither of his parents were alcoholics. So “out of the womb” is not accurate. You can double check several sources such as Kevin Booth’s “Bill Hicks Agent of Evolution” (of which you had a short entry!) or “American Scream” by Cynthia True, or the film American: the Bill Hicks Story. His childhood friend, former roommate, and fellow comic Dwight Slade actually talks about when the change occurred in Hicks’ life. It came about when he was at a crossroads comedy-wise. He was told he was too clean cut, and that he needed to appeal to a more “Adult Audience”. This was when he began to explore with mushrooms and eventually progressed to harder stuff which began by getting completely blotto on his 21st birthday. I believe he thought at the time that this substance exploration would lead him to the greater comic path he prayed for. I think he thought, “If it helped Pryor and other greats find there voice….” In the end, it opened a door to addiction that he never knew he had, since no one in his immediate family had these kind of problems.
    That said, I am glad you are taking a break from alcohol…even if takes the edge of your “mean reds”. I think that is the term that Holly Golightly used in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Every time I read your blog, that’s how I think of you…still lovely Holly in NY sans George Peppard. I look forward to the day when you write your autobiography, because it’s going to be great!!


    • First of all, I appreciate that you wrote, but you’re barking up the wrong tree thinking I’d ever say anything to defile Bill. Saying he drank out of the womb meant he was young and he was. When I met him, he had stopped. Also, if you read my blog, you’d know it’s just how I write.

      You don’t ever have to defend him to me Sandra…he was the love of my life honey.


  7. Sandra S. says:

    correction: I meant to say “take the edge OFF your mean reds”. It’s a good thing I don’t make my living as a typist.


  8. Patricia says:

    I so know where you are. I remember when I stopped drinking. It was a Sunday morning and I sat sick and tired and thought “you are as miserable as your father.” I knew then I had a problem. I didn’t drink at all for a long time and now only wine occasionally. Life is better sober. Teddy sends his purrs.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. “Being sober makes it half filled, more than half empty.” I like that line, Susannah. :O)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. So very proud of you Susannah. So very proud. It takes so much out of a person to give up an addiction or near-addiction. I have had my own fights, not with alcohol, but with my OCD. God gave me a stroke to cure that one. I also agree about organized religion. Have you ever read “Conversations With God” (Book 1)? Do sometime. Don’t stop 1/2 way through. Read it all with an open mind and just see what happens. It changed my life – and it needed changing.


  11. I drank early and have no idea when I stopped, I just did. Today, the fear of being the “star” of someones YouTube video keeps me away.


  12. Mike says:

    I heard the reason many people who are fat stop trying to lose weight is because they don’t want to lose their fat friends. I was the Coke drinker trying to hangout at the bar with beer drinking guys from work. One called me on it. Said if I wanted to hangout with them I needed to drink beer. I wish I would have told him to f’ off. Tried it for awhile, not worth it. Don’t go back to it for the company. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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