Are You Kidding Me?

I’ve often written how much I hate people who yak publicly on their cell phones…the intrusion of it with all its unconsciousness, but this time I have to say it broke the sound barrier, as it were.

I was in a church of all places, creeping in to rest and have a moment of peace.  I think, despite my lapsed Catholicism, that’s really what churches are for.

As I slid into a seat, a woman of a certain age was nestled in the pew right across from me,  ON HER PHONE.  I couldn’t quite believe it at first especially when she was going over a list of restaurants her friends from Cleveland might like.

“How bout Peta Lugas?” (that would be Peter Lugers, famous Brooklyn steak house)

Despite my ire, I burst into tears.  Is there no safe place anymore just to be?  When I was growing up, a church was considered a sanctuary…a temple…a holy inner sanctum.  My mother, despite all her faults always said, if you’re lost, run into a church, any church because God is there, and if he isn’t, he left someone in charge.

With all the dysfunction in my family, that was the best advice a kid like me could have received.

I sat for a minute juggling my options.  I could quietly leave, or keep sobbing, which was the direction I was leaning…or

could smack her silly, which is what I did…at least verbally.

Just to be clear, I am so SICK of those who don’t care about anything but their inane personal needs.  To park yourself in a place of proffered peace with a culinary itinerary is criminal.

Steak, she’s sitting there discussing cuts of meat adding, sliced tomatas come on the side.  I mean, God, can you please take this woman out?  If not then I’m just going to have to do it.

Like Joan of Arc, I waited for instructions.

“Excuse me,” I said, joining her where she sat, “have you forgotten where you are?”

She looked confused, as if she was hit on the head.

“Madam, with all due respect, you’re in church, not a mall.  I’m only going to say this once. GET THE FUCK OFF YOUR PHONE!!!”

(Yes, I said fuck in a church…seems I’m saying it a lot lately).

She jumped, I swear, right in the air.  I can’t say I felt sorry because her behavior was that inappropriate, at least to me.

I watched her terribly amused minus any remorse, as she ran from the sanctuary.

Sliced tomatas…I mean really.



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in humor, New York City, religion, women, words and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to Are You Kidding Me?

  1. Elle Knowles says:

    😉 On her phone – in a church! I shouldn’t laugh but…she did deserve that didn’t she? ~Elle


    • My tolerance has skipped town these days. Anywhere you go people are on the phone, and I feel a law should be passed in public places. They did it on the buses and unless technology gets a little more obnoxious you can’t get a signal underground on the train, but yakking without mercy has gone viral.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Susannah! Quickly, say three Hail Mary’s and then leave a porterhouse at the box. And ask the woman to confess her sins, but she ‘d probably try doing that over her phone. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  3. micklively says:

    You said fuck in church: you’re going straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred pounds. The good news is that you’ll probably be happier with the company. I share your frustration with thoughtless mobile users.


  4. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, that woman’s actions were inexcusable. Their (cell phone addicts) rudeness is bad enough in a restaurant. You did right by pointing out her transgression.


  5. I have no doubt that Jesus was applauding from the alter. Personally, I’m waiting for him to appear and punch people in the face. I know it’s not his style, but we have reached that level. Rock On with your BadAss self Susannah!


  6. Beverly Giangiacomo says:

    I think you were absolutely correct in your response, minus the “F” word. It is the most uneducated response to anything I have ever heard. I try very hard to never use it just because of how it sounds to me. “Do you remember where you are?” was perfect!!
    I, personally, refuse to have anything better than a flip phone for emergencies…mostly if the house alarm should be activated….
    I am sure God put you in that church at just that time to teach that lady a valuable lesson…have a great day!!


  7. Ross. de Marco says:

    You seem to run into these types of situations so frequently, perhaps you should change the name of your blog to Tales of Righteous Indignation !


  8. MJ says:

    Where’s Quasimodo when you need him? Oh, for the Champ of “Sanctuary!” to have swung down from the belfry and booted that dame out on her ass!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know, that just made my day. I had a couple of comments that just riled me to the finish. I kept my cool, but I was not a happy girl. That is so funny MJ. Yes, where the FUCK is Quasi when you need him.


  9. MJ says:

    Humping Esmeralda?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Mike Feddersen says:

    One person’s lemons is another’s lemonade. Susannah some smart person will start selling “Personal Quiet Space” cell phone jammers, and make billions.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Patricia says:

    I don’t think I have ever seen or heard anyone talking on the phone in church. I have seen people text. Maybe they have a direct line to you know Who and are helping with His chores.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Wow, that is pretty bad to be on your phone in church. I think it’s bad enough when people are texting or playing games on their phone during a service, but talking on it is terrible. I’ll think she’ll think twice about it next time, or at least look around for you. 🙂 Good job, angel of vengeance.


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