Weathering Change

Change…I hate it.  If I had my way, I’d stand still into eternity.

What’s bothering me now?  Life, and all its vagaries.

Definition:
an unexpected and inexplicable change in a situation or in someone’s behavior : the vagaries of the weather or another.

Allow me to add, it’s all we cannot control.

I’m at a place in my life where everything I know is being challenged: work, home, my personal life.  I feel as if I’m on the Tilt a whirl trying passionately to regain my balance.

Control is a funny thing.  It’s a myth when you think about it.  Regardless of our heroic efforts, we have no power over people, places or things, and you don’t need to be a 12 Step member to get that.

Just this morning I saw my former friend J’s girlfriend who was more or less responsible for our close relationship ending.  I bristle when I see her because I miss him so.   Of course, being a man heading towards his 70s, you ask yourself, what was his problem, not standing up to her.  Blind dependency, that’s what.  If one of us had to go, it was me.

My pal Chris who’s my friend without any gray matter in between tells me, J was never your friend.  If he was, he’d still be there, bitchy girlfriend or not.

Control…there it is again.  I’m adrift when it comes to the actions of another regardless of how much it hurts.

My dear friend A for no explicable reason jumped ship, right out of my life.  My tears arriving in torrents, produced no reason.  Lack of control, despite kicking our heels, has the final say.

Change…it’s a bitch and one you’re never quite ready for.  But as I always say, we are designed to heal and move forward.  Think back to all the things we’ve endured.  Deaths, illness, break-ups…loss we never thought we’d ever get over, yet here we are, on a blank page, talking about it.

Wonders, how they never, ever cease.

SB

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in friendship, Love, New York City, Women and men, words, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Weathering Change

  1. micklively says:

    Be careful what you wish for. No change means every day the same; an utterly featureless life; bland, dull, boring, tedious. Change and challenge are what makes it all worthwhile. I understand it can be depressing when you feel let down but you need to find the positives. Every lost friend is an opportunity to find a new one (or two). There are plenty of folk to choose from in New York. The world is your bivalve mollusc.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Now I have to look that up. I suddenly saw Cary Grant on top of that dinosaur in Bringing Up Baby. Rent it if you haven’t seen it. You seem very convinced I’m an adventuress. I may have been once but no longer. Keeping life simple works best for me. All these shifts tosses my sanity, what’s left of it, in a mighty tailspin.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    Change is hard for me, too, Susannah. Of course I know it’s necessary, but that doesn’t mean I have to embrace it.
    I’ve had a ‘friend’ or two suddenly disappear from my life for no reason, as well. It leaves you wondering what you might have done or not done. The truth is that a real friend doesn’t leave you high and dry forever.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t think either one of those defectors are ever coming back. I see one all the time who looks through me like a pane of dirty glass, and the girl in question, well. I’ve kind of had it since it’s not the first time this has happened. You do wonder what is your part, but unless someone tells you, you just really don’t know. Thanks Skinny.

      Like

  3. Since retirement I’ve lost two of my work besties. It’s not that I don’t see them. We get together on a schedule. The intimacy isn’t there. If I don’t reach out we don’t get together and you know how that is. Once in a while I like when someone else makes that first move. One is moving about 2 hrs away and I’ll bet anything that we won’t be getting together at all. When I was younger I liked change because it was exciting. Now not so much. It’s not like there is a line of potential friends waiting to fill the void.

    Like

  4. Glad to see you haven’t given up on yourself or mankind totally.
    As for me, I believe in change – it’s what makes us different. I watch my cat who would be perfectly happy sitting atop her box by the window looking out for hours, then eating and pooping, and going back for more day after day. I tend to do things in a bit of a rut – computer all the time, visit Dad, eat and all, then do something a bit different next day and next, but mostly repeat week after week. Now, I am trying to alter that some by meeting new people and getting in new situations. There have been some hurts, but nothing getting me down completely. When you’ve had a stroke, died, and come back – life looks new and fresh and ready to jump into. I hope I always keep this attitude.

    Like

  5. Change is not something I adjust to easily. My wife welcomes it as a wonderful challenge. I see it as just another obstacle that requires more effort on my part. When I was younger I had the energy to confront change, still hated it. Now that I’m older, oh hell I still despise it. I’m a creature of habit, but change has a habit of complicating what I’ve come to expect. It’s like having to change a flat tire. A damn uncomfortable disruption that upsets the expected flow. Especially if you don’t have the spare tire.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Elle Knowles says:

    Change sneaks up on you when you least expect it Susannah. It’s inevitable and sometimes for the good. I look back and wish sometimes for things to be different, to stay the same, be never-ending. If it did we would not grow – emotionally or physically. What a world that would be! I guess we all need to find the bright side and run with it. I also need to follow my own advice more! Lol! ~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.