Change…I hate it. If I had my way, I’d stand still into eternity.
What’s bothering me now? Life, and all its vagaries.
an unexpected and inexplicable change in a situation or in someone’s behavior : the vagaries of the weather or another.
Allow me to add, it’s all we cannot control.
I’m at a place in my life where everything I know is being challenged: work, home, my personal life. I feel as if I’m on the Tilt a whirl trying passionately to regain my balance.
Control is a funny thing. It’s a myth when you think about it. Regardless of our heroic efforts, we have no power over people, places or things, and you don’t need to be a 12 Step member to get that.
Just this morning I saw my former friend J’s girlfriend who was more or less responsible for our close relationship ending. I bristle when I see her because I miss him so. Of course, being a man heading towards his 70s, you ask yourself, what was his problem, not standing up to her. Blind dependency, that’s what. If one of us had to go, it was me.
My pal Chris who’s my friend without any gray matter in between tells me, J was never your friend. If he was, he’d still be there, bitchy girlfriend or not.
Control…there it is again. I’m adrift when it comes to the actions of another regardless of how much it hurts.
My dear friend A for no explicable reason jumped ship, right out of my life. My tears arriving in torrents, produced no reason. Lack of control, despite kicking our heels, has the final say.
Change…it’s a bitch and one you’re never quite ready for. But as I always say, we are designed to heal and move forward. Think back to all the things we’ve endured. Deaths, illness, break-ups…loss we never thought we’d ever get over, yet here we are, on a blank page, talking about it.
Wonders, how they never, ever cease.