Santa’s Little Vixen

Remember when I wrote, no one in New York was Christmas shopping?  That’s because everyone was at Bloomingdales.

Who knew?

Twice a year I go there to buy my Laura Mercier concealer that has risen to the price of gold.  That Laura has the balls, or dark circles, of a rhino.

Dodging the squad of sales people who are like the paparazzi with perfume, I couldn’t get over the women frantically buying top-of-the-line make-up all in fur coats.

If I had had a couple of drinks in me, I would have thought I was in the forest.  You couldn’t move.  When usually I’d run in and out, I was stuck behind this hysterical herd.

After finally making my bi/annual purchase, I couldn’t get out the door, and these girls wouldn’t budge.  Most of them were overweight dragging their ugly Birkin bags giving them collectively bad posture.  I had three words for this furry group…CALCIUM with D.

Have I ever mentioned I’m claustrophobic?  I started sweating needing air in a big way.     Panic came a’callin provoking me to do what any other insane, get me the fuck outta here, Italian girl would do who had a nutty mother as her mentor, she whispered rather loudly…. I SMELL SMOKE!

You never saw so many minks and sables, beavers and even a fox or two move that fast, like a stampede at Yellowstone.

I know it was a cheap shot, but this is New York folks, a survival town…a little like Dodge and let’s just say, it was high noon at Bloomies.

Oh come on, it’s funny.  images-4

SB

 

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in alcohol, animals, Fashion, Health, humor, money, nature, New York City, shopping, women and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Santa’s Little Vixen

  1. Sounds like the Christmas rush kind of…blind-sided you! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. PS…I love when it says, one person liked this. Reminds of the line in Good Will Hunting when Matt Damon says to Robin Williams, I read your book, and he says, so you’re the one. Great film 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally get it and damn I wish I thought of it…lol!

    Liked by 1 person

    • First off, I’m so opposed to fur, rarely saying anything, but all the scene needed was Teddy Roosevelt. Then you have the whiny voices asking inane questions about eyeliner and primer as if they were walls topped with mowing down whomever is in their path. No wonder I was hyperventilating.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. skinnyuz2b says:

    Now you’ll be prepared for next year; don’t go so close to Christmas. I admit I would brave the masses to get my concealer too!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. micklively says:

    Horses sweat, gentlemen perspire, ladies glow! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Elle Knowles says:

    There’s more than one way to skin a cat – or in this case mink! Whatever works…~Elle

    Like

  7. Elle Knowles says:

    There’s more than one way to skin s cat – or in this case, mink! Whatever it takes…~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You could have dropped a load of gas (the abdominal kind) and yelled “who farted?” Of course that may not work as well. And of course you are a Connecticut lady.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. MJ says:

    Hilarious, and so legally savvy! I think facetiously yelling “Fire!” is a felony, and is even cited as a classic situation where the right to free speech doesn’t apply—or so I was informed in a theatre safety course. On the other hand, “I smell smoke!” gave you some wiggle room, literally and according to law. Brava, Susannah!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Vasca says:

    Good you weren’t caught in the stampede!

    Like

  11. Patricia says:

    Concealer is important I am finding. Since I no longer wear glasses all the time I realize I have dark circles that the glasses hid. So far no luck finding a concealer that works. Maybe I will see about Laura…after Christmas.

    Liked by 1 person

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