Is That My Ass You’re Looking At

Now, unlike women well-endowed who are used to rear end ogling, yours truly is not.  When some sassy guy I no longer speak to said, I look like a Number 2 Pencil, he was regrettably right.

I’m skinny, and the type of skinny with no definition.  I’m like one long line, in tights.

I’ve looked this way for so long I’m pretty much over being lusted after.  I’m an acquired taste if you will, and as the years roll by, more men are removing me from their shelves.

Men like curves, comparing those on a woman to those of a sports car…either one fun to drive.

Catching a dashing young man at the library looking at my hindquarters in the mirror, I was suddenly a hopeful teenage girl again.  It was brief, but there was that old feeling of being shopped and bought, at the full retail price.

I started to flirt even though our age difference was vast, coyly teasing, “and what are you looking at there mister?”  He slowly came towards me, his big brown eyes looking into mine and said…

“is that my umbrella by any chance?”

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Books, Fashion, humor, men, New York City, readng, sexual relationships, Women and men and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Is That My Ass You’re Looking At

  1. micklively says:

    Oh the shame! 😉
    Let me tell you: this man doesn’t like lard, irrespective of how curvy it is. And pencil is vastly superior to potato sack.
    Incidentally, did you have his umbrella?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    A number 2 pencil? That’s horrible! I was once asked to stand sideways and stick my tongue out. Then told I looked like a zipper. And of course various morons called me Olive, short for Popeye’s girlfriend Olive Oyl.
    I’m 25 pounds heavier now and have plenty of curves, including a rounded tummy that I did not want. Just as there are lots of guys out there who like lots of curves, there are some that prefer thin girl lines. Audrey Hepburn did not sit home alone unless she wanted to. Someone for everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve heard it said, water rises to its own level. Maybe of I think better of myself, someone in need of a sharp pencil will come my way. I too have been called Olive. Just remember, Popeye liked her alright 🙂

      Like

  3. Loretta says:

    Ha ha! You’re a hoot!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Elle Knowles says:

    Curves are not all that Susannah. Being so thin for so many years myself I should know. When people tell me now, “you’re so tiny.” I tell them clothes hide a lot! ~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Better thin than overly curvy. I have so many friends who in their 60s are obsessed with losing weight (and yes, they need to). Except for a brief time on a medication, I’ve never worried about weight. I’m lucky I have my Dad’s skinny genes. I’m not skinny at this point but I don’t worry about weight for sure. Remember the old “there’s a lid for every pot” thing. My mom was a bit of a dumpling and she found her lid.

    Like

  6. hahaha this was so funny, I needed this laugh today. I love your humor! As an extra curvy girl myself I would trade places with a Number 2 Pencil any day. Wishing you all kinds of wonderful blessings in your new abode!

    Like

  7. LOL This was so funny. The punch line… glorious! And the whole thing was laced with colorful imaging—”Men like curves, comparing those on a woman to those on a sports car…either one fun to drive.” Woohoo! Susannah, though based on an encounter this was still inspired writing. Lots of fun to read. ;o)

    Like

  8. MJ says:

    Sigh not, Susannah, and remember the old adage: men of superior intelligence love legs, the terminally immature love boobs, and the cretins fixate on asses. Also, Luddites love pencils.

    Like

    • May I quote you madam? So funny.

      Like

      • MJ says:

        Aw, shucks, it’s not nearly as funny as your post! And I have to admit, it hasn’t been a panacea for “Spider Girl” here. All my libido ever required was a nice, straight guy who’s reasonably bright and EXTREMELY good looking. If they’re too smart they scare me.

        Liked by 1 person

      • See I like smart, if only I can hear them drone on about subjects I know nothing about…like books on tape. Trouble is, my hearing doesn’t always have chemistry with the timbre of a man’s voice. Like today, I was flirting shamelessly with this tall, dark, handsome fetus and the minute he opened his mouth, I knew the flirt was doomed. He was like TV with the sound turned off…sigh.

        Like

  9. Allowing for the fact that there is absolutely nothing wrong with curves or a tummy, my preferences run toward a pencil. What a fine writing instrument to hold in your hands.
    Scott

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Great last line. I’ll bet that was just his lame excuse when he was caught looking. 🙂

    Like

  11. I have a niece who has always been described as a pencil. Guess what pencils can do that no one else can? They can throw on a paper bag and look fantastic!
    When I saw Kelly Ripa in person I was shocked at her size and dubbed her a paper clip.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I feel your assless pain! I knew the last guy I dated really liked me because he said I had a nice one.

    Like

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