It sucks to be sensitive.
How’s that for an opening line? My feelings get hurt or at least jostled every fifteen minutes making me believe the callous shall inherit the earth because the rest of us will be too busy sobbing.
“Oh Susie, what’s the matter, tell your readers, all 3 0f us.”
I’m just tired of dodging bullets, that’s all. Even friends are being unkind. For instance, I lent someone one of my favorite scarves to wear on a date, who lost it. Now accidents do happen, but she didn’t even tell me. When I asked for it back she said through a post mojito haze, “got some bad news for ya Susannah.” Apparently when you find yourself thrown over the hood of a Chevy accessories get misplaced. I just thought a sixty year-old might have opted for the great indoors. Wrong again.”
“Next time don’t lend anything, you’re much too generous Susannah.”
“Not lending is no solution, plus I don’t want to be a stingy little miser at this stage of my life. What I’d like, since I’m not getting my scarf back, is some respect. Shit, on top of all this, now I’m whining. ”
“You have every right to whine Susannah.”
“Oh shut up.”
“It’s okay, you can take it out on your 3 readers, after all, we understand you.”
“Then could you please take up a collection and get me a new Hermes scarf?”
“HERMES? YOU LENT HER AN HERMES SCARF?”
“I only have nice things. Daffys isn’t one of my hot spots if you know what I mean. I’d rather own one great scarf than twenty cheap ones. ”
“Aren’t we being a tad grand?”
“No We’re not. Quality, not quantity has always been my motto. I’M FROM CONNECTICUT!
“What else happened?”
“A guy I like stopped calling. Didn’t even give a reason.”
“Then fuck him then.”
“I’d like to, that’s the problem.”
“Well he sounds like a jerk so you’ll just have to get over it.”
“You make him sound like a cold.”
“Is there more?’
“I lost another big job. After three call backs I’m told now they want a girl with more hair.”
“Why can’t they wig you, you know, like Lady Ga Ga?”
“Lady Ga Ga?”
“Okay, Cher then.”
“That’s better. I look nothing like Lady Ga Ga.”
“For the record you look nothing like Cher either. So what happened?”
“Seems one of the ad execs felt I have too much of a Joan of Arc thing going on for their product.”
“SOUP! THAT I’M NEVER HAVING AGAIN, EVEN WHEN I’M SICK.”
“Don’t cry, it’s not worth it, plus it’s business, he wasn’t saying anything against you.”
“It was a she who made two of me and drove a Harley.”
“Now we understand.”
“Doesn’t anyone practice diplomacy anymore? I can’t kill a moth without apologizing to it first. Kindness is becoming a thing of the past.
I CAN’T STAND IT, I CAN’T!”
“We think you should lie down.”
“No, I’m alright, really. I’ve decided to just go on Ebay and bid on some heavy duty armor so if you hear a big clink, it’s me.”
“Then you’ll really look like Joan of Arc.”
“I make fun of everything, I do, but the truth is, people could be nicer to one another.
Do onto others shouldn’t be a myth stitched on a pillow.