My Swan Song

Have you ever yearned for something your whole life, even something a little silly?

I never wanted a car, diamonds or a mink coat, I wanted a swan.  One of those old New England decoys you see in antique shops and yard sales, if you’re lucky.

My new place has a deck.  Well, that’s what I call it since you step dramatically down into the living room as if you were debarking a ship.  I always feel I should be wearing a long, flowing dress cinched at the waist like Loretta Young whenever I descend or occasionally trip.

I decided a swan, perched to welcome you at the sweep of the turn, would be nice going on a search.  Forget buying one in New York, you’d have to take out a loan as I soon found out.  Originals are off the charts expensive even with a crack here and there, but are oh, so beautiful.

I go online on a vast cyber hunt.  Let me just say there are pros and cons to this.  First off, there are too many choices, like in a Greek diner where you can’t make up your mind whether to have eggs, moussaka, or the Chilean sea bass.

Swan shopping is no different.

Hundreds came up finally settling for a beauty on Amazon since I have Visa points.  Plus, she was on sale.  See, if I was a true seasoned consumer, this would have been a red flag, but no, all I thought was, oh goody, for once I’ll save a few bucks.

Like anything fragile…your face, China or repros of decoys, don’t go the cheap route.


I’m amazed how fast it arrived in a box the size of Montana.  I will say they wrapped her like Cleopatra floating down the Nile with enough bubble wrap to last till Christmas, 2018. I’m thrilled when I see her, so lovely, her long neck dipped coyly as if she’s too shy to say hello.  Everything about her appeared perfect so what does any, anal, arrogant thin girl do under the circumstances?  She throws the box away.

When I get up neurotically at midnight to post an essay no one is reading, I turn to admire her thinking I’m hallucinating seeing something similar to goose poop in the shady light.   I had just Swiffed before going to bed, realizing she’s now chipping.  Whatever they used to glaze or paint, was peeling off.

Is that why she was on sale?

I was beside myself.

Now this means, unless I’m totally demented, she needs to go back.  I look at her like a daughter caught with her pants down.  “What do have to say for yourself young lady?”

I then think, well, she does look more authentic with her tail half off so should I keep her, figuring the trip from Jersey just tarted her up a bit?   Yes, she cost 50 dollars to mail when they could have put her on the path train for three bucks.

My friend Joan is coming over for a meeting, so the jury is still out because you must remember…I THREW OUT THE BOX.

This means I’ll have to go to Staples and do it myself.  Yes, they will pay for postage after you download their special sticker, but she’s not exactly petite and I’m no first-class packer by any means.

I’ve been crying so hard I look Asian.  I know, if I think about the suicide bombing at a Starbucks in Jakarta plus the thought of Donald Trump as our 45th president if you count Grover Cleveland twice, the only one to serve two non-consecutive terms, my swan song turns into a show tune.

Final Decision:

She’s heading back to Jersey since, I can’t possibly live with a swan with the heartbreak of psoriasis.  It’s just too sad.   getPart




About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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28 Responses to My Swan Song

  1. This is so sad. After everything you went through to get the swan…and it has a dermatological problem. Well…I guess it’s back to the drawing board.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. micklively says:

    Who ever heard of the swan turning back into an ugly duckling? Sounds like you’ve been goosed.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Just the thought of a swan with psoriasis…lol….nobody has time for that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I keep sweeping around her. Haven’t the heart to put her in the box since I’m still waiting for that sticker. Boy, did this company’s stock go down. Did call visa so they’re holding the charge. All in a day Top, all in a day.


  4. I love swans too. I have three. Mine are different and none have the acne that your swan has. Too bad you can’t take it to a dermatologist. The worst part is the disappointment of it all. You thought you had a new friend and she shed on your new place. Very bad manners. Not at all Connecticut.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Elle Knowles says:

    So sad…I know you had already gotten attached to that swan…I’ll keep my eye out for you for a swan with less ruffled feathers! ~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

  6. If you mail it to me, I’ll refinish it for you. I’d love to hand deliver it back to you, but they keep me too busy at work. Seriously, I do some woodworking in my basement, unless you’ve already mailed it back. The peacock is the mascot at our university, but I’ll keep an eye out for swans too. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I have ducks, I love ducks… mostly mine came from Target, so you know how expensive they were. They guard my front door on the porch… I put ridiculous bows around their neck for each holiday and I talk to them like they love me even though they stand outside in the cold of the night. Mine are just cracked like they are supposed to be and none have fallen to the horrible skin condition your has… except one did lose part of a webbed foot in one of the moves, but he still leans nicely… so sorry. I am a sucker to new ducks each time I see one, totally get your swan song.

    Liked by 1 person

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