Where I get my Sir Lancelot tendencies is a mystery, but this morning I defended a young cashier working at The Food Emporium. They had just opened, a little after 7, so there was hardly anyone there. She was talking to another girl by the cereal while I stood reading a box of granola searching for its sodium content. Suddenly we hear…
“Do you think you can shut-up long enough to come over and help me?”
I look up to find a woman buried in a mink coat over pajamas holding what looked like a coffee can. Her hair wrapped in a turban so made me want to say, Gloria Swanson, is that you, back from the dead? The shrillness of her voice sounded like nails across a blackboard.
The young lady said, “I be right there mem,” finishing whatever she was saying to the other girl.
“Hurry up,” the mink screamed, again making my skin crawl.
“She said she was coming,” flew out of my mouth like an awakened toad.
“Who the hell was talking to you?”
“Who did you say? Anyone who ruins my peace at this hour of the morning is unfortunately talking to me.”
In the meantime the cashier was now at her post, but the woman’s focus was only on yours truly.
“Your peace. Who the hell do you think you are?”
“Who the hell do you think you are, speaking to anyone like you’re the queen of England, in pajamas no less.”
“I’ll have you know, I live right next store.”
“Yeah, is there a shelter there I don’t know about?”
That did it, especially when the cashier started to laugh. She took that coffee can and hurled it at me – I kid you not, and I said, after ducking, “Maxwell House? Are you that cheap? Why don’t you sell your mink so you can afford better coffee.”
Yeah I know, my temper charged out like a bull at Pamplona, waiting for her to levitate, she was so mad.
When blood finally returned to her fat-filled face, she said, “I will never step foot in this store again,” and before I could say anything else the cashier, bless her heart said, “Zat eez, veddy goo-d noos?”
We all had a great laugh when Gloria finally went back to Sunset Blvd that apparently is right next door. 
Who knew 🙂
SB
Gloria does assault and criminal damage before seven a.m. in up town Manhattan. Who would of thought it possible?
Given that it happened, I’d have laid good money on you being involved somehow, though. I probably couldn’t have found a bookie to take my money. 😉
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I stand up for the oppressed and all under paid cashiers.
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Somebody has to. You should practice catching high-speed jars of Maxwell House in your teeth, ready for next time.
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Like a circus act.
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Her fat-filled face made had me imagining her saying; “My mink IS big, its my brain that got small.” 😀
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Her coat made me bristle me not being a fur advocate on top of her, expecting the sea to part, attitude. Gotta love the cashier. The diversity of the two of them bleats melting pot…New Yawk at its truest.
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:O)
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Wow! Some people really think they’re entitled.
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Hi there madam. Nice seeing your pretty face first light. I believe you’re 5 hours ahead in England? Yes, that’s a perfect word to describe Gloria. But it’s very common behavior on Manhattan’s upper east side. Hope all is well.
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Yes that would be correct, I’m usually up for work at this time so I get to read your updates before my mind is turned into a puddle of goo.
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You and Mick. There’s also someone in Japan who I’ll hear from when I get up. Time zones mystify me. Hope all is well.
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This was Gloria BEFORE coffee. Perhaps she should have made a pit stop at Starbucks so she could be civil.
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Maxwell House, indeed.
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I love your ‘shelter’ line! And who the heck wears a mink over jammies?
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Elizabeth Taylor?
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hahah this is amazing.
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Unlike other parts of the world, New York is a center for the spontaneous insane. Thanks for writing.
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