Yeah I know, such blasphemy, sacrilege and impiety. Three great words, even if they imply I should be happily drawn and quartered?
Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, where Christians of all sex, I mean sects, troop to mass to get their annual cross the size of Montana smudged onto their foreheads.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…always gives me the insatiable urge to Swiff.
It’s the kick-off to penitence: fasting, abstaining from favorite things like chocolate and margaritas, and we mustn’t forget service to the 20th degree. Donning a hair-shirt would not be discouraged by the good old Catholic Church.
I’m surprised they don’t sell them at http://www.guilt.org.
Truth be told, I was the queen of self-flogging for most of my life. Thanks to my dear mother wielding God like an Uzi, I was devout from plain fear. When you’re told at 3 God will strike you dead of you don’t eat your vegetables, you take it pretty seriously.
So now, though I do believe in a power greater than myself, same as Jefferson, which could qualify me as a deist, I no longer go for ashes.
Deism…belief in the existence of a supreme being, specifically of a creator who does not intervene in the universe.
Layman’s language: God will not stab you if you choose not to eat your spinach.
My biggest beef with the Vatican besides its miserly wealth and ongoing cover-ups, is the guilt it instills in its faithful followers believing fear of God is fundamental.
And there is that horrendous ash horrifying your face you’re not supposed to wash off, to fade on its own. Yeah, well…I always got around that by going late in the day and showering, chronically forgetting about the fading part.
Hey, can a model walk in with Father Flanagan’s massive thumb print across her temple? Maybe if she were a toll collector, or coal miner whose ash would, let’s face it, be rather redundant.
Blasphemy, sacrilege, impiety.
I have two more words for those participating in today’s ritual…
I hear they’re running a two-for-one, deep pore, ash-less special through Saturday.
Just tell Liz, Susannah sent you.