Be Who You Are

Life is too short to pretend you’re anything but who you are.  When you’re lying on your death bed, to quote Marianne Williamson, you don’t want to say…gee, I missed it.

I have a former friend in the closet, not my favorite term, who’s so unhappy his tears leave a trail.  Mathew, I’ll call him, whose unhappiness reached such a degree, friendship was no longer an option.

A man in his 50s, close to his family, he’s never been able to be who he is.  I think, if your parents, siblings and friends truly love you, if you brought home a gorilla, they’d all still happily throw rice.

Is it Pollyanna talking, or someone who sees what’s important, and gender where true love’s concerned, just isn’t it.

I miss Mathew, who’s the sweetest, funniest, kindest person on the planet.  Whenever I was blue, he’d show up like one of the Marx Brothers doing whatever it took to make me laugh.

Once in a money crisis he came with a brown paper bag full of cash.  “It was under my bed,” he said, “for a rainy day, and today it’s pouring.”

He never forgot me at Christmas or on my birthday even thought he forgot himself most of the time.

I’d watch him self-inflict punishment for the silliest thing knowing it was senseless shame administering those lashes.

I could never tell him, knowing he’d cringe, to stand and preen in his truth, even if the colors were different from those he knew.

I certainly am not standard, often called an oddball, introvert, anomaly and nut sired from my mother’s famous phrase…where did I get you from…if I didn’t have these veins from having you, I’d swear you were adopted.

Yes, according to Mom, P.T. Barnum would have happily hired me for his freak show.

But so what if I’m not conventional.  So what if Mathew marches to a different drummer, our innate goodness is what counts, how we treat others…the mark we leave on the world.

Not to be trite, but this isn’t a dress rehearsal.  To forfeit one’s happiness for the sake of the comfort of others won’t serve you at life’s end.

Truth, honesty, love rising from your socks, is the legacy you want to leave, for yourself and all those who’ve known you.

When you take that last breath, you don’t want to say…gee, I fucking missed it.







About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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18 Responses to Be Who You Are

  1. Truer words have never been spoken. Be who you were born to be, or more precisely, what you want to be—not what others feel you should be.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Can I get an Amen? I have a closeted neighbor, who after years of therapy is living that quote. Unfortunately, it’s on a part-time basis. Her parents “accept” her as long as she doesn’t bring it around them…sad.
    Too many critics with no fucking credentials in this world.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. skinnyuz2b says:

    Right on target again, Susannah! We all need to be loved and appreciated for who or what we really are, otherwise the love and appreciation are only an illusion, not real at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Know someone in his 70s who stayed in the closet. Still there. Even married to demonstrate normalcy (didn’t last though…gee, I wonder why?). We lucky to live now in this country where it’s mostly accepted. We have three in the family and we love them as much as anyone else. One is getting married next year. Her dad is still struggling but we are all hoping he walks her down the aisle. What does it all matter anyway? Who does it really hurt? Be who you are and we love you more!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Patricia says:

    Yes, we should be who we are but for many that is a hard road to walk. So sad that you and your friend no longer laugh together.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I tried keeping us afloat, but he really no longer wanted to be friends. I saw that pretty clearly. Self-punishment is a terrible thing. I was a participant my whole life. It’s only been the last decade I’ve learned to be kinder to myself. Nice hearing from you.


  6. I can’t imagine having to hide who I was every day. It has to be very damaging, psychologically. I like your perspective: we only have one life so we have to act like every moment is precious, since it is.

    Liked by 1 person

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