When people show you who they are, believe them the first time…Maya Angelou
When I saw this quote in a church window, it stopped me in my tracks.
I’ve been so tormented by the actions of others, it feels as if I’ll fall right off the edge.
You never know who the messenger is, so when my friend Chris came to see my new place he became the channel.
I suffer from chronic disappointment because of behavior having little control over. Getting mad at those in your life who toss you curves, is like getting mad at rain. What’s the point? It’s such a no-brainer, you ask yourself, why can’t you get it, once and for all?
He sat on one of my vintage wicker chairs with the braiding coming loose and said, “You knew that A was unwell…on so much medication…and after abandoning you twice before, how can you be so shocked?…
And J, as he sat at lunch maligning his long-term girlfriend, didn’t you realize, he’d do the same to you? As far as the sofa twins go, they’ve disappointed you how many times before?”
I sat there as if water was poured on my head.
More coffee?
As stupid and primitive as it sounds, I just want to be loved. When those random schooners sailing through my life smash into their docks so unexpectedly, I’m truly stunned. I’m not sure I want to believe those out of the gate will be such a disappointment. Maybe the dream of truth and grace is worth the sad outcome. I want to believe the best of people, glean the good, rid my heart of the rest. But the late, great Maya did have a point.
When those you meet spread their wings to show their true colors, try not to close your eyes.
SB
We ALL want to be loved. Some seek love in strange ways, unlikely to bear fruit. When I am confronted with selfish, spiteful or callous acts, I lean on analysis. I find such people are often motivated by fear, embarrassment, peer-pressure. They cavort down blind alleys, pursued by their own weaknesses. Then I think they maybe deserve my pity, instead of my anger. And, as if by magic, somehow the problem seems to have dissolved.
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That’s quite a formula, I must say. In other words, don’t take it personally. You’re much tougher than me. I’ve always admired your pluck.
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That’s the theory, of course. In practice, I’ve been known to blow my top; lose sleep; gnaw my finger ends; throw teddy out of my pram. I’m far from perfect.
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I’d love to see you throw Teddy out of your pram. Must be a big one 🙂
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Teddy or pram?
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You in a king-size pram is quite an image.
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That is such a wonderful quote. Love it! It is such common sense, yet we close our eyes so often. We shouldn’t waste our precious moments on those that have no real interest in us.
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She was a lovely writer, and that quote will stay with me.
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Most of us go back for seconds even though we’ve been burned. It’s that feeling of not wanting any enemies. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you – what was pounded into our heads when we were young. Some never learned that and you can’t blame yourself, though it does hurt. ~Elle
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My problem is, I’m always surprised, doesn’t matter how many times someone hurts me. Need to work on that Elle.
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There’s another piece here too. Sometimes people can’t live up to expectations. Yes they promised but their promises don’t mean the same as your promises. It helps to see people clearly and accept them for who that are. Sometimes you only get fleeting minutes of pleasure but if that’s all you expect, you are not disappointed. We all get disappointed by friends. The pain of being let down by someone you let in your heart, hurts. I hope you can sort it out without allowing the scar tissue to claim you.
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There’s a 12 Step slogan I wish I could own…expectations are premeditated resentments. I’m way beyond scar tissue I’m afraid there Kate.
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Ohhh, I like that slogan!
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Me too, just wish I’d grasp it once and for all.
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Like you Susannah, I think I am open to welcoming people into my life. I am blessed to have a wonderful network of support from family & friends but there have been many times I have been hurt by those I love. I have a hard time letting go of someone I care about, often to my detriment as I just keep going back for more, feeling somehow I must have done something to put them off. I am often left just feeling baffled!
I do agree with Kate’s comment in regards to expectation. I do think, because we give so much of ourselves, it is difficult for people to live up to the same expectation. I have tried to be a little more aware of that in the past years which has helped to some degree.
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In my twilight years I do try to accept people as they come but get hurt just the same. I’ve lost so many friends since my hearing loss so I’m anxious I suppose to make new ones, but that’s where the expectations come in. Need to be more vigilant. Nice hearing from you.
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The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior. It’s the truth…..xoxo
gmp
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Well said. It’s almost a given the way someone acts out of the gate. One just doesn’t want to believe it…sigh
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This is my families favorite quote. So much so my sister had it matted and framed. even though I know it’s true, I fall off the wagon and let someone in who should have probably been left at the curb….lessons I guess need to be learned more than once.
Isn’t this quote the PERFECT one to be on a picture of DT? I feel a FaceBook post coming on…hehehe
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What about a blog post. I’d love if you told the story about your mom’s New glasses. :). Great quote. That does it, it’s time I learn how to embroider.
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I have 8 drafts and nothing finished. I have to get my shit together!
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You’re such a wonderful writer Lisa. 🙂
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