Three Rounds On The Number 6

It’s a jungle out there, I’m often told, and this one day in particular echoed that sentiment.

I get on the 6 train coming from Brooklyn proceeding to sit between a hulking construction looking guy, and a black man in a green track suit who said with great remorse, “No ma’am, please don’t sit there because I smell too bad,” causing my  heartstrings to naturally pluck.  Before I could pretend it wasn’t going to bother me, the hulk gave me his seat.

Over to our right was a randy couple looking right out of the show Dallas.  Her spike heels and wraparound, bright yellow dress said it all.  She was glued to this man in cowboy boots and jeans that looked as if he left his ass at home…and they were kissing.  Even kids with tattoos that say Jesus and bite me don’t kiss on the train.  Cuddle maybe, hold hands, but you just don’t make-out on the subway at 2 o’clock in the afternoon.

That said.

Dumb Dora, I’ll call her, blonde highlights falling in her face bejeweled like an Inca, had clearly been drinking since she kept wobbling on those stilts grabbing JR by his non-existent rear.

She starts flailing her arms saying, “I cay’nt de-eal with that smay-ell.  That ga shouldn’t be a-llowed on public ta-rayens.”

And that’s when the guns came out.

“You’re not a New Yorker, are ya,” I said, my voice booming across the car.

“Are you a-dressin me?”

“Yeah, cause you’re the only idiot on this train.”

Now I had a posse behind me.

“You got no right speakin that way to anybady lady, let alone someone on this train,” said a middle-aged Latino man wearing work clothes lugging a lunchbox.  I loved him for stepping up.  The hulk then sat right next to this embarrassed man who looked as if he was about to cry.  My heart ached for him because he was so aware of his odor unable to even defend himself.

What I liked most was how her date, the ass-less wonder, said nothing.  Yeah, lets blow him in the near future.  Sorry, this is when my Italian street shows up like a bear that’s been asleep too long.

“You are all just too roode for the la-ks of me,” she said, her bangs billowing like drapes.

“You’re not only rude,” I said, “but you’re unkind, and that makes me want to smack that land-filled face of yours.”  Yes, I  said that.

She then swung at me with her over-sized purse missing my head hitting a Japanese man who said, “You cazy?”

“Well I’m happa I don’t live in this smella town,” said Dumb Dora and that’s when a waspy kid all of 20 got up and said, “If I were you lady, I’d get the hell off at the next stop.”

And Dumb Dora wasn’t so dumb after all, because that’s exactly what she did, ass-less in tow.

And the whole car cheered.

 

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Faith, Family, friendship, Love, New York City, Women and men, words and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Three Rounds On The Number 6

  1. Gail Kaufman says:

    Wow – you are fearless!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The story is funny (when you are not the poor guy coming back from a run on a crowded train). At least you had a posse with you this time.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sometimes I think I’d like to just tag along with you as you go about your daily life just to watch it all unfold. 🙂 It’s probably easier in New York but I’m sure even if you came here to Fayette, population 1300, you’d find something interesting to write about.

    Liked by 1 person

    • There’s always something here in the craziest of towns to perk ones pen, if you will, tossing in my neurotic need to write five essays a week. A smelly man on the train, insulted by a drunk is gold, but I need more of a life, like you have…you’re a teacher for heavens sake. I so admire you David…sigh

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lisa says:

    Wow that was a good Monday morning laugh 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Good to know the baguette is still alive and well in NYC! I can’t stand this sense of “I’m better than you” environment we are living in …. it’s awful.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. skinnyuz2b says:

    Yay for you, Susannah, and the others who stood up to that thoughtless wonder.
    Although 90 percent are gone now, when I went to school this small community was full of family farms. At least half the boys were in the barns before school and despite a quick shower often still had barn smell on them. I worked in the barn for a few months when our hired man left and didn’t have time to wash my hair during my shower or set it afterward (no handheld blow dryers yet). Everyone knew the smells came from helping our families and no one ever said a word. Who knows what that poor boy’s story was.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awe, love what you wrote. The interesting thing about this man was, how self-conscious he was, not the norm. So I’m going to agree there was more going on than, I haven’t bathed in a while.

      Even our showers Skinny, shouldn’t be taken for granted. How lucky we are to have running water consistently in our lives.

      Like

  7. Elle Knowles says:

    There is no way you can make this kind of stuff up! People are crazy out there and you run into a lot of them Susannah. You also have a lot more guts than I have. At least you had a train car full backing you up. So glad you were on that train at that time! ~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Patricia says:

    Yay for the New York team!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. micklively says:

    We don’t get enough victories like that in life. It’s good that you treasure it.
    (I still think you’re going to get slapped one day though) 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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