Hotel Susannah is in full swing.

My two guests have been here since Thursday and I’ve had my work cut out for me.  They are walked four times a day in their various outfits weather wearily permitting.  As their father said, they prefer not to get wet, but if necessary, need their raincoats.

OKAY.  So what if they look like little Phantoms of the Opera, it’s New York.  Does anyone ever even notice?

Shit, we’re on Page 6.

They also eat three times a day, like infants, waiting on demand.  He’s trained them so well, one has no choice but to be on time.  Now, my life is not really so synchronized, however…when you have two, four-legged creatures staring at you like Korean orphans, what can you do?

I have to take my dinner into the bathroom because they feel they deserve that too.

Is that you knocking Rocky?

Did you already eat all that porterhouse Kibble I left in your initialed Tiffany bowl?  It was from Lobel’s, the Cartier of butchers.  My sandwich is from Blimpies, so please do the math.

Despite their own beds they sneak into mine, finding them every morning lolling…Rocky under the comforter snoring, Coco sharing my pillow like a lover with a bushy-tail.

Uh-oh.  Makes a girl wonder what happened after that last glass of wine.

Then we have a medley of sweaters that would look more apt at a lodge with a roaring fire than here where the heat blasts easily, at 70.  Toss in their fancy harnesses and well, I have to start getting them ready an hour before their scheduled walk.  Yes, possessing such tiny bladders, they go out at certain times, like polo ponies.

Housekeeping did you say Coco?  What exactly do you need NOW?

You see, Coco doesn’t like to go out unless she’s perfectly coiffed, so if her harness is just a tad off, she will not even venture from the front door.  She’s also pissed we don’t provide spin classes.

Rocky, on the other hand, is much more magnanimous about all issues like most men.  Of course he hasn’t pooped in three days, something I’m a little concerned about.  I asked Frank, the super, if perhaps he could have a man-to-man talk with Rocky, but he just shrugged and said…maybe he’s not too thrilled with this hotel.

Excuse me?

A friend suggested, I could keep it open for other canine guests, but you know what?

After Coco requested a cucumber facial with a shot of restylane to enhance her lips , that’s all she wrote.

SB