It will sound strange, but I’ve never been as close to the two-legged as I’ve been to the four. Maybe that’s because they can’t sass or hurt like humans can. However, they sure can get even pooping on the carpet, but that’s beside the point.
Given the choice…I’ll take an animal over a man or woman, any old day.
How embarrassing is this?
Adoption is so rewarding.
This is how you do the pony.
There’s something to be said about being Amish.
Do you remember your first kiss?
A Vespa just wasn’t in my budget.
O Solo Mio.
Headstand is good for the circulation.
Don’t you just love Prosecco?
Big heads run in my family.
Fuck Donald Trump!
We met in college.
Can I please just have the sports page?
Everyone needs a little encouragement.
And why can’t I be a nun?
One day we’re movin outta this cramped apartment.
I think it’s your trapezius.
I do too look like Joan Collins.
My asshole dentist is in Hilton Head playing golf.
I just hate the fucking gym.
Macy’s had a sale.
Mom says, it’s not your weekend.
They said they’d leave a key, dammit.
I auditioned a cow, cat, two Dobermans and a moose and well, things just didn’t work out.
So, tell me…are ya single?
Photo of Susannah, Tom Grill