Let me just say, I HATE WHEN ANYONE MEDDLES IN MY PERSONAL LIFE…even if it appears, I don’t have one.
It’s all about perspective, after all.
Okay, I don’t have a man in my life at the moment, more by choice than anything else. I’ve been known to say, if I never have sex again, I have had more than anyone else I know, and I’m not boasting as much as I’m trying to quell the need for the masses to find me a husband who puts out.
When I hear, I have a guy for you, I head straight to a bar. He’s always a dentist or proctologist from the suburbs with a two car garage when I don’t even drive. Oh I have a license because some schmuck forty years ago felt sorry for me and gave me one, but with the exception of using it as an ID, hey…I’ve never fucking paralleled parked in my life, said the city girl.
A friend who’s hanging on the cusp of becoming a foe, has a friend. They always have one they want to introduce you to who’s a-mayyy-zing, and you wonder, well…if he’s so a-mayyy-zing, why is he still up for grabs? Hey, where I come from, most of the good ones are taken, so, you have to ask yourself, what’s wrong with him? Is he dented, like a box of Raisin Bran that got knocked around on the conveyer belt, or on the rebound from a devastating divorce? Let me tell you, there’s really not much difference in the two.
So, tip number one, don’t say okay to make your friend, who should have minded his own business in the first place, happy. PASS…LIKE A DIABETIC WHEN PASTRY IS OFFERED.
If you people please, trust me, you will be colossally sorry. Resentment rules when you go against yourself to acquiesce another.
He’ll be drooling like you’re the appetizer, you’ll be looking at your watch. For the first time in your adult life, you’ll want to pay for your own drink just to get the hell out of there.
I believe in organic attraction. Yeah I know, many people have met online and on blind dates and have lived happily ever after. Actually, I’ve never met any, but hear they’ve existed, like dinosaurs.
I’m still humming, Some enchanted evening, you will meet a HOT stranger across a crowded room, so Match.com, can just go take a hike.
As for my friend who will remain nameless, no Christmas card for him this year.