On The Wagon

What a dismal expression meaning, abstaining from alcohol, and guess, that’s the point. Sobering up is never pleasant.

I decided I’ve been drinking too much, and alone, which is never smart. You’re better off going out having cocktails even if you’re sitting with strangers, rather than a party of one in your living room.  Yes, it’s cheaper to drink at home, but also dangerous.

Even Hemingway drank at the Cafe Select when he needed liquid reinforcement.  A brandy and soda, I believe is what Papa drank, at least in Paris when he was young and broke.  I’m old and broke, but still feel a kinship.

Why have I been numbing myself is the big question.  Well, truthfully speaking, looking at the world through a scrim has its appeal.  I’m just tired of everything and everybody to put it in a nutshell, another interesting idiom.

I want things to change, but can’t seem to make it happen.  My acute sensitivity is a major factor in the way I approach things, a trait inherited from my dad who drank himself to death as a young man.

Yes, that should be enough for me to hang up my corkscrew, shouldn’t it?

My mother also drank when I was a kid, out of boredom mostly.  When she got a job, she stopped cold, trading in her whisky for a weekly paycheck.  I too can stop like it’s nothing…strength, a feature, the only one actually, I got from her.

She was like a Sherman tank never stopping, no matter what life threw her way.

Despite my tears, I’m tough too, getting up off the mat ten times a day.  I cry a lot which is why I no longer wear mascara.  Look at the bright side, I tell myself, you’re saving a fortune.

I’m not saying I’ll never drink again, I mean, how could I break the news to Camille.  She’d have to be sedated.  No, I’m just abstaining for now, until I can say I’m facing what ails me without blinders, particularly on ice.

One should drink when they’re happy, but alas, that’s not always the case, now is it?

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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16 Responses to On The Wagon

  1. Rob says:

    All good advice Susannah. Hope we can have you back to happy boozing soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Elle Knowles says:

    I never was much of a drinker Susannah, though my dad loved his beer. He drank more than my mother liked, but it never really came between them. Never saw my mother drink anything stronger than sweet tea. I’ve decided alcohol must be an acquired taste. I’ve learned to enjoy a glass of wine at night – as long as it’s sweet wine. I can take it or leave it. I can see where drinking alone could be dangerous. So glad you have the willpower to abstain when you see the need. Most people can’t say that…~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Drinking with friends is always better. Otherwise it’s called medicating.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lynn says:

    I come from a long line of alcoholics & am ever conscious of what I consume & why I am consuming alcohol. I have the upmost respect for you in recognizing that, at least for right now, it is a good thing to take a break. Wishing you days where you have no worries about putting on mascara once again😘

    Liked by 1 person

    • I appreciate your candor. Yes, alcoholism is something to beware of. It shaped my life to be sure, so I’m playing with fire when I walk that tightrope. I’m grateful I can just stop. It does take that edge off, but then it takes over, and that’s when you have to ask it to leave. Nice hearing from you, regardless of the theme.

      Like

  5. skinnyuz2b says:

    I admire your strength, Susannah. My youngest son, 28, tends to drink too much alone. Alcoholism and neglect is why he and his sister were taken from their parents and placed in an orphanage. I’m glad you have control.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Patricia says:

    When I was young I used alcohol as an excuse for bad behavior. When I realized that I stopped drinking. Since then it’s just an occasional thing. I like chocolates and Cokes better anyway. You are wise to know where your limits are and respect them. Where is Camille when you need her?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I don’t really drink. I’m not sure why, other than I can go from a sip to climbing up on the bar in about 10 seconds. Thats how I roll … lol!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Kevin says:

    Hope your voyage on the sober tugboat is going well. I stumbled upon your blog and I’m enjoying it. While I do still enjoy a nice scotch, I’m impressed you were able to identify that your drinking was a problem (for you). Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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