Why I Should Never Own A Gun

images Could be the lack of alcohol or the full moon, or perhaps the dog poop I stepped in wearing  my good Gucci sandals, but all I know is, I’d like to smack somebody, starting with Frank the super, who said I probably need a new refrigerator.

On Monday, after having to feed him to get him upstairs, said, “It’s con-den-sen-shon, ya know, cause of the yooo-mid-adee.

I’ll give him condescension. 

Tuesday, he said, after checking it again like a doctor making a house call, “I’m pa-sative, it’s only tempa-rary.”

Today?  “Yooo need a neeew one.”  I’d like to give him a new one, since he’s built like a Frigidaire himself.

Yeah, I know that’s not nice…I DON’T CARE!

Is it just me, or is it always something, to quote the late, great Gilda Radner.  Putting out fires seems to be my new specialty.  Peace, I swear, is becoming extinct, like the eagle and jock straps.

We mustn’t leave out big hearts.

That’s the other thing, I’m tired of mine being the size of Kansas.  I’m constantly helping someone who looks at me like I’m crazy.  The thing about consciousness is, once you avail yourself to it, you own it, like an adopted dog.  There’s no turning back, so when I see that soul in a wheelchair who can’t make it up the curb, I stop to give him a shove.  So what I miss the train that will make me late, so when I finally get to my appointment, the bitch at the desk, will give me attitude then make me wait an hour.

Makes you wonder, was Joan of Arc, Robin Hood and Lassie ever late?

I’m the only one I know who stops by the way.  Everyone else is smarter and doing much better than I am.

I’m a nice girl, I’m told. Yeah, one with a fat super who’s always hungry, a leaky refrigerator and shit on her shoes she can’t scrape off.

“What’s that smell?”

“Ya wanna smack?  Cause I’ve got one right here, with your name on it.

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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18 Responses to Why I Should Never Own A Gun

  1. micklively says:

    I understand how you feel. Sometimes it seems the whole world is set against you, goodness, common sense, peace and tranquility. As for Joan of Arc, Robin Hood and Lassie, ask the Stranglers:

    Liked by 1 person

  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    I’d send Annie over to sing ‘Tomorrow’ but I’m afraid we’d never hear from her again. How about ‘Raindrops Keep Fall’n On My Head’?
    Sometimes it does seem like the fates are conspiring against us. But they can’t keep their attention focused on you forever.

    Like

  3. Sounds like a tough week. Perhaps you need a water pistol. No jail time and lots of relief!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so with you! I’m currently cursing like Scarface … oh, it’s true. I think it’s all this Trump in the air. No guns, no ticket books, no badges for us…nope. The prison system couldn’t keep up with us cleaning up society.
    Hang in there, grab one of those super shooter water pistols and blast away!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Patricia says:

    My refrigerator is 20 years old and keeping cool without condensation in very humid SC. I don’t have a super or a door man to feed. Haven’t stepped in dog pooh in a long time. Life is good. Hope your days get better. Actually they will get better! They might get better faster if you had a cat or two. Just saying…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Elle Knowles says:

    Bad news comes in threes Susannah. Seems like it’s about time for some good news for you. One day you’ll be glad you stuck to your guns and stayed polite and courteous. It wouldn’t be you otherwise! ~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

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