I am one of those women who, when she’s got a guy, treats him like a god. It’s in my Italian DNA, however, I do know how some men, after a time, just expect it as if we work for them, for room and board, and that occasional trip to Miami.
That said.
I ran into a photographer, that way back when, had a big crush on, one that stayed dormant because he was married. Charlie, I’ll call him, was so handsome, with a shock of dark hair laced with gray, built like an Olympic swimmer, his biceps peeking from a well fitted Fruit of the Loom T, displaying strength from carrying all those cameras. This was when Nikons and Hasselblads ruled.
When I recently saw him, wow, did he change, appearing rumpled, with thinning hair and wrinkled, like he slept in his clothes. Those biceps were deflated like popped balloons, his jeans drooping while a beer belly made one too many cameos. It was as if I saw him through a funhouse mirror.
And guess what? He’s divorced, so no one is looking after him anymore. His ex took excellent care of him, ironing his clothes, feeding him the right foods. I felt sorry for him since he really didn’t know what hit him, reminding me of my dad when my mom left him. He’d meet me for dinner in a striped shirt and checked golf pants looking like a test pattern, lost, since my mother always laid out his clothes.
And here’s the point.
Men need to be aware of women who show up for them. Long term relationships seem to fare the worst, as if appreciation was locked in the trunk of their car. It may sound as if we treat them like sons which, I’ll admit, is anything but alluring, so while you’re rubbing the ring out of that collar, it’s best to do it in a string bikini. In other words, be sexy while scrambling those eggs.
My friend Anna said, “Bikini? I’m tired at the end of the day. Who can be sexy after 4 loads of laundry?”
You can Madam Clorox, or accept the fact he’ll always view you as just good help.
In the photographer’s case, he said, his wife got up one day and said, “I’ve had enough,” and the next thing he knew he was living out of cartons in a one-bedroom apartment in Chinatown.
So girls, get out that bikini, 
and guys, say thanks once in a while or you too might be living out of a cardboard box with chopsticks to talk to.
SB…Couples Therapist
I’m no expert. I’m on wife number three. But IMHO it has to be a two-way street: mutual respect, sharing of chores, support, quality time, both partner’s boxes get regularly ticked. Anyone reduced to a drudge is going to dream of something better. Don’t be surprised if they jump ship.
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Thanks. 🙂
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I agree…that’s why many men have little Twinkies’ stashed away. It takes so little to show you care. I’m glad you are so happy at home.
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The image heading your post is from the era when TV wives vacuumed in high heels. If I need a bikini to do his laundry, he better wear a speedo to take out the garbage. Relationships don’t suffer from too much mothering. They fail because the TLC was not reciprocated.
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Isn’t that the same thing? One gives, a lot, the other takes without much gratitude? We can agree to disagree about the bikini. I fine many women let themselves go after a while. Doesn’t help matters, especially where self esteem is concerned.
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PS You need to account for my sense of humor that pushes her way through. 🙂
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I love your sense of humor, Susannah, that’s why I follow you. Your style of writing inspires me, even when we disagree.
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LOL…TLC is becoming extinct in my estimation. Had someone come back into my life promising to do better and it’s already dead once again. I would go to the chair for someone I cared about, but that’s me. It’s so hard to accept others who are monumentally different…sigh
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Mick is right, it has to be a two-way street. I do things for my Pookie to show how much I care and he constantly does things for me.
Very perceptive post, Susannah.
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You’re poster children, you and Pookie. I think you’d both do great on the lecture circuit. ‘How to treat one another with love and respect’… I’d sign up. 🙂
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I love your descriptions. You paint a picture with words. Your pictures are a bit….ummm…Picasso-like but I love them! Great post!
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You’re a married lady.. What are your views. Of course from what you’ve written, your husband is pretty wonderful. Also…Picasso like???
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You could be Monet too. Avant garde! Since I don’t cater to anything but cats, it wouldn’t work from the start. If anything my husband does too much for me but I’m not complaining!
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Can we clone him?
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Trust me. He’s not perfect!
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Who is, however, he just sounds like one of the better ones. Likes cats and porch furniture. Buys sneakers in a snap. Reads, mans a pong. The list is long…ribbet
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hmmm…I should take heed since H has retired. And it is bikini weather here…I probably do too much for him. Now that he’s home all day it’s like having children underfoot again. I know. I complain. I really wouldn’t have it any other way…;) ~Elle
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Ok, how bout a one piece 🙂
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I don’t think I was ever a dote-er. I have always been a loner. The occasional tryst worked for me. 😼
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I haven’t had many men to dote on, a handful since he has to be awfully special to get that kind of care, so I too have been more of a tryst girl, till I hung up my sex-appeal that is…sigh
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I am the opposite: I like to dote on my women. Interesting thing: first, it’s hard to get them cuz they want the “bad boy”. Then, after getting them, they come to expect me to do more and more for less and less.
Not doing that anymore – you are right – if I am going to dote and help and wear out – the least you can do is respect me (and wear that string bikini at home, once in a while).
Scott
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I’m glad my point was well taken. 🙂
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A few of my friends call me June, because I also have that Italian DNA. I’m fortunate to have someone who appreciates it. If you were raised by a doter, chances are the doting will live on.
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She doted till I was about 13…when I got boobs, such as they were…bee stings she kindly called them, then all Italian hell broke loose…my mother with those pancakes after a few drinks you could use as paperweights…I don’t think June ever beat Ward, Wally and the Beav. I’m just saying. Sigh
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Couldn’t agree more. It is a rare thing these days to find a woman who really appreciates and takes care of you. Definitely not wise to take her for granted… matter of fact, you should probably treat her like a queen. Thanks for sharing.
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It’s an old fashioned way to be, but there’s much joy to be had taking care of another, especially someone you love. 🙂
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