Or to be or not to be, an asshole, in layman’s terms.
Wouldn’t it be great if every mouth came with a 15 second delay? Imagine the feelings that would be spared. Coming from a Cancerian Italian girl from Connecticut, it could possibly save the world, or at least me from jumping out a window.
I dodge insensitive remarks like bullets aimed at my head, making me wonder if Tourette’s syndrome comes in different strains, like smallpox, or herpes.
Look at you…don’t you eat? It’s a miracle you can walk.
Aren’t you tired of looking like a paperboy? Let your hair grow for godssake.
Isn’t it time you found someone to be with? Let’s face it, you’re not getting any younger Susannah.
And my own personal favorite…ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF?
I personally would choke before an utterance of this sort leapt from my mouth. You could smell like a porpoise with your pants around your ankles and I’d never say a word.
As far as that 15 second delay goes, maybe I’ll write to NASA to see what they think. Hey, it’s worth a try.
But for now you’ll have to excuse me while I remove the latest thorn from my side.