Connie

My friend Connie died.

She was in the hospital presumably getting better about to be released, when she suddenly just passed.

Her brother, whom she lived with said, how strange it was because she talked that whole day about coming home then sent them away saying, “See you all tomorrow when we’ll celebrate.”

She waited for them all to leave before taking flight.

I find this so bewildering and will admit, macabrely fascinating as if one can book their own passage into the great beyond.

Connie was a passionate Christian.  Went to mass every day until she was too weak to go.  I met her in church years ago when she invited me to breakfast one day deciding, she would be my friend.

This is what I’m most disturbed about.  I wish I was as attentive to her as she was to me, and simply wasn’t.

I spend a great deal of time doing things for others, mostly those who really don’t respond nor care.  Connie deserved my attention yet, I let her, more often than not, slip through the cracks having no explanation for this except instead, lobbying for love that was never really there.

She never forgot my birthday or me at Christmas.  I’d meet her for breakfast always paying with a big bill, shoving the change into my pocket calling to make sure I got home okay.

I took her care for such granted and now she’s off into the night hopefully on her way to a place where she won’t be forgotten.

The only good from this is to try not to let it happen again.

Those who truly show us love are the ones to show up for.

I will always remember her, Consuelo Villelonga…who held me in such high esteem for reasons surpassing my understanding.

Farewell my friend.

Rest in peace.

Susannah

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Faith, friendship, Gratitude, Health, Love, religion and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to Connie

  1. micklively says:

    Good friends are so hard to find. I am sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ross de Marco says:

    Regret is a hard thing , but you can’t linger there , in the end it’s totally unprofitable . I’m sure if Connie knew your feelings , her words to you would only be words of comfort and she sounds to me she would only brush it all off as a mere trifle . It’s a life lesson , we all stumble at times . I’ve gone over cliffs ! Make peace with it and her in your heart and look to do better . I’ve seen you do many good things for many people . Many times !

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just now while running I asked myself why did I neglect her so. She was someone who appreciated everything life had to offer. My mere presence delighted her. Go figure. I just wish I got to see her. Thanks. I appreciate your kind words.

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  3. skinnyuz2b says:

    Don’t beat yourself up for what you didn’t do, Susannah, because what you did do obviously made her care for you.
    It’s only natural to think of all the extra things we could have done when a loved one passes, I do it myself. You’re on the right path by vowing to pay more attention to those you love that are still here. I’m going to renew that same vow for myself today.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Skinny. Those are kind words. I just question myself. I tend to knock on doors that don’t easily open. Is it the challenge of it all? Need to pay more attention to what I do and why I do it. Then this siege of guilt will not be in vain.

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  4. This is a lovely message and reminder to us all. We waste so much time wanting after people or things, that are worthless, when we are already surrounded by gems like Connie. Guilty as charged! Although I’m sorry for your loss, I’m happy that you shared this powerful enlightenment. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am sorry for your loss! Good friends are hard to come by and this post serves as a reminder for me to cherish mine! Blessings! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hope it didn’t make you sad. A friend just called weeping. Need to dig my humor out of moth balls. Thank you for your kindness, as always.

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      • No, it didn’t make me sad, it made me reflect on a lot. 1) the need to cultivate good friendships. I am a loner and find myself alone most of the time, but I think I am responsible for not reaching out to others more often. 2) appreciate the few friends that are nearby and available and often ignored. 3) the finality of time. The need to do things now and not wait for tomorrow.
        And on a final note your friend loved you for you and not for whatever you did or didn’t to for/to her. That is the purest kind of love. The one that doesn’t require anything in return. You had a true friend and now you have a true angel watching out for you. You are blessed! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • I appreciate you writing all this. Reaching out for me, is always risky being so overly sensitive. Isolation is safer but I know I miss a lot. As far as Connie goes, she would hate me feeling sad and guilty. I know that. Receiving is in the giving, I know that too. This too shall pass, and to quote Jane Austen, probably quicker than it should. Thanks for writing.

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  6. Elle Knowles says:

    Sorry this happened Susannah. You’ve done so much good for others and this just snuck up on you I’m sure. As Skinny said, “Don’t beat yourself up over it.” She’s looking down fondly on you, remembering the joy you possess. We all have regrets when someone close is gone for good. As I write on my Alaska book, I have many regrets of not spending more time and drawing more information out of my parents before the time was gone. I always thought there would be more time and put it on the back burner. ~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

  7. joanneolson says:

    I love this blog. Such a deep, loving, intelligent tribute to your friend.

    Like

  8. Perhaps she didn’t need you to do things for her. She sounds like she was happy as she was. You usually reach out to those who aren’t happy or are troubled or need someone. I suspect that’s what she liked about you. It’s not always tit for tat.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for saying that. She never asked me for a thing in all the years I knew her. I’d say, Connie, do you need anything? No dahling, she’d say, just to see you smile. She was in her 80s, and happy. Took care of a very wealthy woman for 40 years who left her a generous inheritance she very much deserved. She was all about service and sharing, giving and God. Best way to describe her. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I am so sorry for your loss. I am certain she felt like you were there more than you think you were.. Some people are just so caring and loving and we do take that lightly at times, never realizing how precious they are and how short the time is we have with them. This was a beautiful tribute to her, I am certain she would be blessed by this. You are in my thoughts and prayers and always in my heart.

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  10. I am so sorry to hear that, Susannah. I have had that feeling when people have died, that I haven’t treated them well enough. Don’t beat yourself up though. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
    -David

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    • I keep saying this, but regrets do us no good yet we have them. I just wish I had acted on my thoughts of her. For a week she was on my mind and I kept thinking, I have to call Connie. If I had, her brother would have told me she was in the hospital. I procrastianted for whatever reason. sigh. Thanks David. So nice hearing from you.

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  11. Susan, I’m so sorry to hear the news, I’ve been there myself and so I know what you’re feeling. However, what happened has happened and being tough on yourself won’t change that outcome. But knowing you as I do I suspect you’ve learned something valuable from her loss, and would be willing to bet—being the kind of friend she was—that she’d be proud of you for taking away something positive from her passing that would benefit you and other friends in your future. Trust me on this, I think you’re a better friend than you know. So don’t be too hard on yourself my friend, we all slip sometimes, but that’s because we’re human. I think the world of you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Where have you been Apostle Paul? Your words were needed this cold day that’s enhancing my upset. I know everything you say is true, I’m just wallowing in the loss of her. I know she’s gone and beating myself up is futile so I will do my best to shake it off and do better with others. I always notice when others try to win over those who have no interest. I need to notice when I do it sending that energy to the Connies left in my life. Thanks.

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  12. Gail says:

    Sorry for your loss, Susannah. You probably made her happy just being in her life. Now another angel is looking over you.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Patricia says:

    My heart hurts for you. There is always give and take in friendship and every friendship is different…each one fills a need in some way for both hearts. Just as Connie gave what you needed from her so you gave to her what she needed. Grieve for your friend and be thankful for the blessing of shared hearts.

    Liked by 1 person

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