Santa, Is That You?

It’s 6:05 on a Sunday.  With the exception of a few dog walkers and myself, the Upper East Side is deserted.  Toss in it’s still in Thanksgiving mode and it looks like Dodge, just with a Duane Reade on every corner.

So to encounter Santa in my lobby in his red suit, sportin Nikes carrying his boots and beard that looked rather medieval, was a bit shocking even for New York.

Who knew Santa lived in the building, apparently on 4 with a woman who isn’t Mrs Claus, according to Felix the doorman.

Always polite I said,”Hi Santa, how’s it goin?” He looked at me with great irritation before saying, “How do you think it’s going? There are four weeks till Xmas and I’m already in demand.”

Hmm…so my instincts are right, Santa’s crazy.  But figuring I’ll get an essay out of this say, “where exactly do you have to be so early…the North Pole?”

No, he did not laugh.

“Albany.  At a dinner for some rich ass who thought Santa would be amusing.”

“If you don’t mind me saying, don’t you think a little Xmas cheer is in order?”

“No, I don’t. I’m being exploited once again by my agent who knows I need the money.”

Whoa, if there was ever a time not to believe in Santa Claus, or representation, it was now.

“Well, try to think of all the kids you’ll make happy, forgetting about money.” This suggestion did not sit well, as he shook his head, his eyes rolling back like a slot machine before marching out the door.

Felix and I looked at each other, then Felix said, “Do you know he’s Jewish?”

Who knew Santa’s real name was Greenberg.

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in humor, kids, New York City and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to Santa, Is That You?

  1. Rob says:

    At least you know he won’t have to get down your chimney!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You know the world is loosing it when DT is heading to the White House and Santa is really just a grumpy jewish guy from NY trying to make a buck.

    Like

  3. skinnyuz2b says:

    OMG, a Jewish Santa! That’s hilarious. What’s not so funny is a Santa who doesn’t have a jolly molecule in him. Hopefully he doesn’t get too many Santa bookings, he’d make a much better Scrooge.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Coyote from Orion says:

    Just telling the story in this city just about got me charged according to the discrimination act…. mainly because people don’t listen and a few buzz words like Jewish (despite the fact that I am a Jew) gets people’s pulses raised as relief washes over them and once more their media education makes hate love. Orwell would love it

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Rubenstein, Hal says:

    Good one ! A cranky Jewish Santa Claus !

    Best,
    Hal

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Here’s a person who doesn’t enjoy his work. Perhaps he’s an unemployed actor and thinks it’s beneath him? He probably got paid AND a good meal out of it. Ok, so the meal was in the maid’s chambers….

    Like

  7. Bad Santa! Then again, maybe it was just Billy Bob Thornton in disguise? 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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