I’m standing outside the post office with Mike the Maltese while his mistress is inside buying stamps. I do this whenever I see some idiot leave their dog tied up, out front, because they get so frequently stolen.
As Mike and I patiently wait, a nanny with a double stroller holding twins, I’m guessing around 3, is parked near us on her phone.
It’s a boy and girl in identical baby Gap suits complete with hoodies and the Gap insignia, tiny sneaks gracing their feet.
Saying they are cute is an understatement, and pretty well behaved…
The little girl leans over and bites her brother on the arm throwing him into a state of extreme…
Mike and I look at each other as if to say, “Did you just see what I saw?”
The nanny, so engrossed in her conversation, just keeps talking, moving the stroller back and forth as if that would somehow call a truce between them.
I finally, after she bites him again, this time on the leg, have to intervene.
“Um, excuse me madam, but there seems to be some violence occurring while you’re away in San Juan?”
No I didn’t say that, Mike did. Oh, how I wish…I just point at the wee wicked witch of the Upper Eastside who now looks like a little angel as if she has no idea why her brother is wailing so.
Women, we definitely have a knack for drama and denial, don’t we?
“He olvays cai theez boy’a, ol day, ol nite.”
“Well, just so you know, his sister bit him twice so, he has a right to cry.”
Now she starts to laugh like I made this up which really pisses me off. I mean, this poor kid. I have visions of him being constantly munched on like a little lamb chop.
It was then that Mike’s mother came out so my business is technically done, but before leaving, I lean into the stroller and say…
“Young lady, beware, because someone just may take a bite outta you.”
Could be my imagination, but I swear her brother just winked.