Bill Hicks…23 Years Ago Today

I wasn’t going to write about Bill this round, feeling a little uncomfortable after someone I like a lot, questioned our relationship, and what I’ve chosen to reveal.

But then it didn’t feel right to let the day pass without my normal reflection.

When Bill died of pancreatic cancer, we weren’t together, so I had no idea he was mortally ill until a week before he passed.

You can imagine my shock.

He had left me suddenly, the same way he spun into my life…fast and furious, like a meteor crashing in your yard, never saying why.

I assumed it was another girl, and it was…her name was Cancer.

I can remember every inch of the day, my dear friend, Chris Mazzilli, called to tell me, Hicks was dying. “They’re about to make a public announcement,” he said, “and I wanted you to hear it from me.”

“What…excuse me…Bill …dying?”

I think it was the only time I ever felt my whole being leave my body.

That was Monday morning, spending the rest of the week in a vigil, waiting…like everyone else who loved him…just waiting to get that call that came early the following Sunday from his best friend, Kevin, in Austin.

Bill Hicks was no more.

It took years before I could openly speak of him without sobbing.  And it wasn’t until I started writing about him, that my grief took flight.

There’s no more debris to plow though veiled in a scrim of sadness.

His light, oh so bright, shines upon me every day of my life.

I feel him, he’s here, we just can’t see him the way he was.

But how often do I feel a blast of heat, down and dirty…here and gone, knowing it’s him tooling by, tipping his hat to me.

William Melvin Hicks died on this day, February 26, 1994.  images

He was 32.



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in Family, Health, History, Uncategorized, Women and men, words and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Bill Hicks…23 Years Ago Today

  1. Coyote from Orion says:

    Good on you for still remembering him in your footsteps today.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, my, so sorry for your loss. He is missed and loved the world over. 💙

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Gail Kaufman says:

    Such a poignant story, and I can feel the depth of your grief through your words. You are blessed with the ability to express yourself so fluently in your writing, allowing it to help you work through sadness and pain.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I first time I wrote about him, I still was unable to watch or see him in any way, my pain was so great. My friend Amy put up a little clip so you, the reader, could see him. That was 2011. Writing about Bill really healed me. He loved to write too, so he’d be so happy for me. Oh, more tears. Thanks.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Hal & Kate says:

    Very sweet!

    Hal Rubenstein from my iPhone


    Liked by 1 person

  5. Far too young. Peace.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. addyaddy9 says:

    i love bill hicks, hes one off my heroes and my favorite comedian! never forgotten!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Elle Knowles says:

    No one can erase your memories and I’m sure there are many good ones of Bill. He seems to have had a kind heart, sparing you from having to go through that illness with him, though I know you would have been by his side without a blink of an eye if you had known. ~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

    • Funny you should say that because he didn’t for sure, want me to know. It was painful for a long time but now, after so many years, I understand why. He did me a grace because I can only remember him as the life force he was. Thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Patricia says:

    Some folks get into our heart and stay there forever blessing us with their presence even when they leave us. You were and are blessed to have such a friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I appreciate all your tributes to Bill. It’s like I get to know him a bit through your words and I can see how much he meant to you. I’m proud of you for writing this.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. skinnyuz2b says:

    So young, too young. I agree with David, you are keeping and sharing his memory. No need to apologize for loving someone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Skinny. I like to remember him on the page. I love the person who said they were such a fan of his. First time I ever heard from them. He still inspires so many years later. It’s moving to me.


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