I was hoping more for a tiara, but instead, got one in porcelain that sadly, no one will see…
all because I was chomping on cheap candy…sigh
I love to lie in bed in cozy jammies, with Jelly Beans, Chuckles, Swedish Fish and a book. I mean, what’s better than that? I’m a simple girl at heart, who requires very little to melt her butter, as well are her teeth it seems.
SO….when I suddenly realized something was amiss in my mouth, all hell broke loose.
First off, my tongue was under siege, like it was dueling for it’s life, so I ran to my dentist, who was in Palm Beach (golfing), a colleague filing it as a courtesy. Of course he knew the bad news at once…young lady…fasten your (and bank account’s) seat belt because, even with a 10%…you’ve been our patent for 20 years…discount, along with a complimentary chapstick, it’s a cool 1600 smackers to get crowned.
But what were my choices?
To go to someone cheaper, who I’ve attempted to find, while my mother’s voice drones in my ear...when it comes to your teeth there madam…money is no object. You want false ones Susannah, like George Washington?
I saw George’s teeth when they were on a 24 city cross-country tour, and boy…did they make you shudder, not to mention floss.
I could have easily stalled, since it wasn’t really bothering me as long as I didn’t eat on that side and ate only applesauce, but like I was telling my friend Peter, also from Connecticut, her principals on self-care die hard.
If something’s broken, you fix it…whether it’s your car, cat, lawnmower or left molar in the side pocket.
It’s a pity George was from Virginia. If he were from the old Nutmeg State, his teeth might still be in his mouth.
Like that great, sage Soupy Sales said..
be true to your teeth, and they won’t be false to you.
What’s that Ma?
Alright, alright…I threw all that candy out already…I DID…Well, there are a few Snickers left in the freezer…sigh…you got me. 
SB
Jelly beans, Chuckles and Swedish fish? None of that is hard. Maybe too chewy? I hate to spend money on stuff you can’t see. It’s like getting a new roof on your house or a muffler on your car.
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love that…yes…a muffler, in your mouth.
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Before I read the ending, where you say you basically have discarded most of the candy, I was going to suggest for more teeth friendly snacking in bed you could have swapped fish from Sweden for the Swedish Fish candy 😉
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I happen to love fish how ever it comes. Never know why they’re called Swedish fish. Kinda expect them to yodel or ski. Sigh
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I have spent enough money on my teeth to send my dentist’s first born to college for four years. Now we are working on his daughter’s education.
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That made me laugh as well as my mother who I swear I can hear laughing through the ethers, whose humor rivaled her correctness. Keeping all our parts oiled in working order is quite exhausting and expensive. Sigh. Is his first born in an Ivy League School? What was that Teddy? Yale did you say…:)
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His first born is now following in his parents footsteps and in med school.
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You’re so funny.
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I’ve never read anything nearly as entertaining as this about a visit to the dentist. You crack me up.
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Everything is an adventure. I’m in mourning for all that candy, and to think it’s Peep season. You know, those sugary Easter bunnies in assorted pastel colors? My teeth will be in traction if I’m not careful…:)
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I am blessed in the tooth department, so I will resist the temptation to gloat. There are many other parts of me, not navigating the test of time so well. So I guess these things have a way of leveling the playing field. Would I swap good teeth for better joints? Given that the swap is not available, it’s hardly worth considering the question.
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I understand. One’s front tires just maybe a little less bald the back ones. It all evens out. Glad you have good teeth. So is Soupy. 🙂
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Susannah, until about five years ago I kept a hefty candy bag by my bedside. It kills me not to have it now. Like you, I prefer chewy candy, no sense waiting for stuff to slowly melt in your mouth. Quantity counts.
I firmly believe we should get paid to have root canals/crowns, not the other way around. Similar to my belief about grocery shopping.
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So I have a fellow sweet tooth. Well you are awfully sweet Skinny, so it comes as no surprise. 🙂
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My mouth actually has a Matriarch in the crown department, not to mention it has provided my dentist a VERY nice life! I broke out in a sweat just reading about what you hopped in bed with …. Swedish Fish? For the love of god woman, don’t you know they are deliciously dangerous? What am I going to do with you? I hope they were worth it … ugh, and I know you’ll go back just like ME.
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Well, it’s really my own fault. A cap fell off last year eating them, Arnold Palmer popped back on for a nominal fee. It was a warning shot across my molar but alas, here I am in tooth debt not learning her lesson. Sigh
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I just imagine our dentists having side by side beach homes toasting Swedish Fish.
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When they told me he was playing golf then the cost, I knew I’d be paying his hotel room.
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Indeed you did ….
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🙂
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My downfall is Hot Tamales and sour patch kids and anything with caramel. I’m just waiting for the worse to happen! ~Elle
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Beware.
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