Best Line Of The Week

images-1 I’m at the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s American Wing, remembering what it was like before they installed a coffee bar.

I used to come here to write, when it was a sanctuary…quiet, peaceful. Now it’s Epcot with statuary, surly waiters and Tiffany windows.

As I ponder when peace was a given over the din of the espresso machine, I can also hear snippets of conversation a couple are having over the woman’s alleged weight gain.

“I’m still a size 8 I’ll have you know,” she says, poking him in the chest with a long, red nail.

“Yeah well, your ass is more like a 38.”

Which I’m certain she wished she had in her handbag…cocked.

When the waiter brought over her Linzer Tart, she refused to eat it.

“You’re not gonna eat that? It cost 6 bucks?”

“You apologize to me.”

“For what…telling the truth? You’re too fat, and that’s that.”

“Maybe you need to go find yourself someone skinny, how bout that?”

Did she just look my way, or did I imagine it?

“When I married you, you were half your size.  What the hell happened?”

This is when I fell in love with her.

“Waiter, bring me two more tarts,” she said, proceeding to eat the one she had.

The waiter called out, “Anything for the gentleman?”

“Yeah, the check.”

🙂     images-2





About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in dessert, Family, food, humanity, humor, New York City, sexual relationships, Women and men, writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to Best Line Of The Week

  1. micklively says:

    It is a problem. You can argue that health and beauty are the same thing. And anyone should want their partner to be healthy, shouldn’t they? The danger is that we fix a standard size and shape to be maintained, as though only one size and shape is healthy.
    Meanwhile, we are left with the nutty issue of how to maintain a sexual relationship as the physical attraction is eroded. I guess we hope it evolves into something more cerebral.
    At least these two were talking: it’s a start!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, how did the ungentleman look? Was his belly leaning toward a pony-keg instead of a six-pack or his hairline heading south? So often the pot that is calling the kettle black doesn’t look in the mirror.
    If you truly love someone, you don’t focus on their flaws.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I like her! A treat out is not the place to rant about weight. It ruins the moment.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Gail Kaufman says:

    I hope she smashed the tarts into his face.


  5. You never lack for entertainment!!!! Thank you for passing things on to us, amplified with your wit.


  6. Patricia says:

    Wonder why he would take her someplace to have a dessert if he thought she was fat? Not sure about ordering two more and eating them then and there. Maybe she is ready to have him gone?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. edwardcres says:

    She ain’t exactly Joan of Arc, but I love her. And while I appreciate a good .38 cal. ass, I prefer a .357 Magnum. The guy is a schmuck and I hope one of those pastries wound up as a face mask.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well hello Ed. You do appreciate a well-endowed derrière even from afar. All I know is, mine resembled an eraser next to hers. Let’s just say, her Mister wasn’t from Connecticut and leave it at that. It’s not as if she was ten pounds slimmer when she left the house


  8. Coyote from Orion says:

    Hope you’re ok Susannah. Best wishes this week

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Personally, I think telling any woman she is fat when you are within striking distance just shows you are stupid…not just an ass.


  10. Let’s just hope she ordered up a lawyer while in the big city. What a fuck!

    Liked by 1 person

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