Why is receiving so hard for some?
Why can’t one just muster a gracious thank you and move on?
A person’s discomfort after I send a gift or note, brings up such a wound for me.
The first time I ever made money, I went to Tiffany to buy my mother something special. I was enthralled with the film, Breakfast at Tiffany’s starring my idol, Audrey Hepburn, so to actually go there was a rite of passage in itself.
When I gave my mother her silver, monogramed hand mirror I had dated with my initials on the back, she said, “Your aunt brought me a mirror from Vegas I much prefer,” putting it back in the box never to be seen again. (Vegas?)
Very painful for a 22 year-old who merely wanted to honor her mom, sharing her first monetary success.
I give naturally, like a tic I can’t control. I don’t preen in that generosity, but do flinch when it’s criticized.
It’s also a way to heal when I’m hurting since it takes you out of yourself.
My old neighbor, Mimi, who’s already gone a year, scolded me for sending cards. I felt terrible since, it’s how I keep in touch. “You’re frivolous,” she told me with iron in her voice. “Don’t waste money like that.”
On friendship, I’m wasting money?
I left something for my other neighbor who’s also older and alone, just with two cats I always address whenever I leave anything…to be funny.
So when I left Patrick a little wind-up baby chick who tap danced on Easter, I truly thought it would please his master. Well, I was told how silly it was, and don’t I have anything better to do?
Whenever I get my hair done, I bring Chagall a snack since he’s all alone in his shop….kind of like a one man hair band…pun intended, but rather than a thank you, I was told the man who makes Chobani Yogurt funds terrorism and what the hell’s the matter with me buying it. (this was news to me by the way, and shame on you Mr. Chobani.)
And those hits just keep on com’in.
What happened to grace? When did she jump ship, and was it a kidnapping, or suicide?
It’s formal definition is, courteous goodwill, poise…decency, a polite manner of behaving.
We are all born with it, a gift from above, but somehow it gets pushed to the back of the closet in favor of arrogance, judgment and narrow sleeves rolled with rudeness.
I think it’s time, we all clean out our closets.
SB
I ache for you, being on the receiving end of rudeness. There is no excuse for it. If I had a cat, it would be delighted with a wind-up chick.
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I’m sure he and the cats had a grand old time. He’s just a cranky old man I try to cheer up when there’s an excuse, like a holiday. He’s all alone, something I know all about.
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I hear you. I have a thing about trust and reliability because I know how important it is when we are in trouble. Frivolous is people who bullshit to friends or kids and never turn up. If I give my word it is good. This has embarrassed people with higher standing. I have lost my brother and several friends including the only mate who was there for me. I just butted heads with a few people who want me playing guitar tomorrow night. I think they understand now that my tenor voice has a rumbling bass end that can make them very small if they don’t get their audio and visual matching. I really don’t like having to do it.
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All I can say is, sing and play your music for you.
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Sharing and caring is foreign to some people Susannah. They don’t give so they have no idea how to receive… you, on the other hand have excelled in both categories! ~Elle
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It’s not a skill by any means, it’s just a response is the best way I can describe it. I think people feel they have to reciprocate which is never the case. I give heartily and never look back.
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Exactly! They don’t receive graciously because of they don’t know the giving side of the equation. Hope your day is good! ~Elle
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Thanks. Yours too.
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Susannah, I think rudeness is the key fault.
When they were younger, each of my four children received some pretty cheap and thoughtless birthday and Christmas gifts from my Pookie’s side of the family. I’ve been so proud of them for saying thank-you, and not having a fit. It got so bad that I finally told their aunts I wasn’t participating in the so-called $50 gift exchange unless they only gave my children $50 gift certificates. And I hate gift certificates.
I’ve only had gifts rudely received or rejected a few times, and the memory still stings. Maybe NYC has higher expectations overall than upstate, ha ha!
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So you don’t think I’m being picky, one gift was Mickey Mouse gathered pants from the dollar store with off kilter print, and another was a knockoff talking pen on clearance at Radio Shack for $5 (I saw it there). The spending was set by my sister-in-laws at $50.
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When you begrudgingly give, that’s what happens. It has to be from the heart or you get a clearance pen. Lol…
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That’s what I do…say thanks and if it’s nothing I want or can use, I pass it on to Housing Works, my favorite charity thrift store. You raised your kids right there Skinny. Their polite response is no accident
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I did have to console my crying daughter after the party. We drew names so those horrible pants were her only gift. She watched her other cousins open nice presents. I took her out the next day to pick out a gift.
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Awe…but you made it better for her, and I’ll bet she ended up happier.
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We now live in a world where gestures of kindness are questioned… that says a lot. It actually says too much. People are now suspicious of goodness and have an expectation to be on guard. Let me put it this way, just the fact that we now have to clarify which lives actually matter is enough. Keep doing what you do out of the goodness of your heart, if it makes someone uncomfortable, that is their issue, not yours, but you’ll have to respect it. If you put a big fat smile on the face of someone for just a second you did what you intended to do. We could all use more smiles these days!
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I’m clapping Top, can you hear me? 🙂
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The art of giving is truly a dear gift. I am a ‘giver’ and have been crushed a few times also. I once gave someone I greatly admired a gift meant to lift their spirits since the recipient was suffering the loss of hearing…same as you. It was taken as an insult rather than a lifting. I grieve about things like that. It’s nice to read about your giving nature…breath of fresh air.
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Being sensitive has a double-edged sword. We hurt easily over little things.
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The root of the issue may be that they feel “obligation” to reciprocate in some way. It’s really harder to receive without having something to give. People who act that sentiment out are rude. Gifts don’t come with requirements. Maybe all those child birthday parties laid guilt trips on us. Don’t change who you are for others. I love my jumping frog. It’s still on my desk occasionally jumping! BTW Chobani doesn’t support terrorism. Urban tale or so I was told.
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Yeah, that Chobani business took the wind out of my yogurt sails and sales, at least for an instant. I agree gifts don’t come with requirements. I get all I need to get from being on the giving end. It’s true. sigh Glad your frog is enjoying himself. 🙂
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When you do, and they don’t, maybe they take your generosity as a criticism? That’s not a good reason to stop. 😉
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I can’t concern myself that deeply, and the only other option is to stop being who I am. Took me too long to accept myself as is, and my willingness to share, I feel, is my best trait. So Mick, I guess Mrs. Claus as I’ve been called, will have to live with criticism. Oh well.
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Its no criticism at all. Please don’t change.
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Couldn’t anyway…I’m written in stone.
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