Besieged, Bothered and Bewildered

When my friend MJ stopped writing to me, I missed her, but let her alone.  I knew whatever was going on had nothing to do with me.

When Tallulah the Bishon’s mother said in her Christmas card, sorry we haven’t been in touch, but we live in Atlanta now, and New York just feels so remote…I knew, it was time to say farewell, they were no longer in my life.

Ella, Amy, Alex and Max, all took flight like birds migrating south, and you know what?

I let them go.

When Jacques stopped emailing after being such a good friend, I felt sad, but understood, there was some discomfort there, something I knew I couldn’t help him with.

Boundaries, even if they don’t initially feel that way, ultimately, are healthy, for everyone.

Respecting someone’s decision to leave is the highest form of acceptance.

We all can’t fill one another’s needs all the time.  It’s our own responsibility to do that for ourselves.  I feel colossally blessed being so self-possessed because, it’s a gift to be able to be alone, independently dependent on those in your life you choose to be there.

The more I’m chased, the faster I go.

When my desire for solitude is treated insignificantly, I’m angry.

Do someone you love a favor…leave them alone.

Trust me on this.


About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in friendship, grace, humanity, words and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Besieged, Bothered and Bewildered

  1. You said it all in your second sentence. It’s not about you at all. There is an unmet need being pursued. Some friendships ride a course. Whether it’s distance or expectations that can’t be met, they end. The beautiful thing is to end them on a positive note to preserve happy memories. Good post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The hardest part for me when this happens is not having an official ending. Then I started to think “would it make a difference?” The answer is always no and I know it’s time to let go. Nothing good for us is easy.
    Accepting this line right here is half the battle no matter what the situation may be. “I knew whatever was going on had nothing to do with me.”
    Great post of this beautiful Sunday morning ❤


    • I’m still unnerved when I’m not listened to. My mother ignored my wishes. so it hits an old wound, and I’m always gracious. I try not to hurt anyone, which is more than I can say for others who fly the coop from my life. But we all have our reasons for wanting to just be let be. It’s our right. Thanks for what you wrote. Happy Sunday, as they at Unity.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope you will have just as many new friends as you want and that these relationships will be very rich and rewarding. I used to grieve at losing touch with people, but my friends were not writers (before the internet). It’s easier to keep up now, and some of those friends are back in my life. I think you are very wise in realizing you can’t hold people if they are intent on leaving. Letting them go is an act of love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think so too. Life, especially as one gets older, is about loss it seems. I try to respect the rhythms of all, including myself. When I need to pull in, like the Cancerian I am, I want to be understood, not undermined. Thanks, always.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Gail Kaufman says:

    Sometimes I reflect on relationships that ended and wonder if I could have salvaged them. But I know in my heart that, at the time, I didn’t want to. I like your perspective of acceptance. I don’t know why I keep looking back.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s normal I think. I miss all those people I mentioned but, things end. Sometimes they resuscitate. But I can tell you this, if you chase them, they’ll never come back. Sigh. Life is all about lessons in my humble opinion.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. micklively says:

    I agree. But, the trick is knowing when. Folk say they want to be left alone when, in fact, they want anything but.
    I haven’t seen my family in fifteen years. Most of them have made no effort. Only my elder sister tries to resurrect something, from time to time. This year, she tried to send me a birthday greeting, two days late. I wasn’t impressed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well she tried. We’re sensitive creatures. It’s hard not to be affected by the vagaries of others. You’re pretty self-possessed so that helps. Try not to take something personally even if it has your name on it. :). 12 Step Slogan

      Liked by 1 person

  6. skinnyuz2b says:

    I’ve had some relationships that inexplicably petered out. The funny thing is that almost all of them rose like a Phoenix decades later.
    Susannah, nothing makes me high-tail it to the hills faster than a new friend that is intent on smothering me. Over the years, my Pookie and I have encountered several leech-like couples. I wish I had had your post to send them. Let me go!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, you’re and your Pookie- Pie aren’t needy. Some people are and the mistake that I make is trying to meet those needs without realizing it until, and I’ll use your word, I feel smothered. It’s a horrible feeling and sadly human nature tends to chase rather than retreat when they feel rejected. Hence… I’m making skid marks to get away.


  7. I have finally learned that lesson after several miserable failures to learn.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.