Only I would come upon a 16 year-old girl weeping, early in the morning, because she feels her ass is too big.
First off, I never go by anyone who’s crying without stopping to see why. I’ve had so many conversations with babies in their carriages, I can’t tell you.
We chat, while mom or nanny are on their phone in the only language a baby knows…tears.
Of course the moment they get your attention they stop, looking at you as if to say, hey, at 3 months, this is all I got.
But back to the lassie with the big chaise.
Apparently her mother is getting on her ass, no pun intended, for it’s opulence in her exercise togs, and yes, it was very Jennifer Lopez if I should say so myself, but if you were to ask J.Lo, she’d say, it’s all good.
I tried humoring her by saying, it was perfectly fine to have such a beautiful hourglass figure, and she should be pleased.
“My mother said I’m bottom heavy.”
“Oh, I should be so bottom heavy. I’ve been called an ironing board and a Number-Two- Pencil. I’d give anything to look like you.”
Okay, so I was stretching a bit, and I was…my calves, but she needed succor of some kind and when Susannah reports for duty, the sky’s the limit in the comfort department…so then, my writer/cub reporter came out asking, “is your mother very thin?”
“Obsessed with her weight?”
BINGO….we have a parent with an eating disorder of some kind, even if it’s the Upper Eastside variety meaning, it’s all about ME ME ME and how I look and my daughter needs to be, THIN THIN THIN, just like me.
A trying tribe these women are who pass it on to their offspring, making them off more than a few centimeters, when they should be just enjoying their adolescence without struggle or strain.
Wonder who I’m channeling…however, it’s food, another unfortunate pun, for thought.
After self-deprecating myself to death, she finally stopped crying.
“You’re beautiful,” I told her, “and I suggest you get yourself a very big stick so you could beat the boys off who are going to chase you like the fox you are…and of course, you can also use it on your mother.”
Ah, at last, a smile.