Only I would come upon a 16 year-old girl weeping, early in the morning, because she feels her ass is too big.

First off, I never go by anyone who’s crying without stopping to see why.  I’ve had so many conversations with babies in their carriages, I can’t tell you.

We chat, while mom or nanny are on their phone in the only language a baby knows…tears.

Of course the moment they get your attention they stop, looking at you as if to say, hey, at 3 months, this is all I got.

But back to the lassie with the big chaise.

Apparently her mother is getting on her ass, no pun intended, for it’s opulence in her exercise togs, and yes, it was very Jennifer Lopez if I should say so myself, but if you were to ask J.Lo, she’d say, it’s all good.

I tried humoring her by saying, it was perfectly fine to have such a beautiful hourglass figure, and she should be pleased.

More tears.

“My mother said I’m bottom heavy.”

“Oh, I should be so bottom heavy.  I’ve been called an ironing board and a Number-Two- Pencil.  I’d give anything to look like you.”

Okay, so I was stretching a bit, and I was…my calves, but she needed succor of some kind and when Susannah reports for duty, the sky’s the limit in the comfort department…so then, my writer/cub reporter came out asking, “is your mother very thin?”

She nods.

“Obsessed with her weight?”

She nods.

BINGO….we have a parent with an eating disorder of some kind, even if it’s the Upper Eastside variety meaning, it’s all about ME ME ME and how I look and my daughter needs to be, THIN THIN THIN, just like me.

A trying tribe these women are who pass it on to their offspring, making them off more than a few centimeters, when they should be just enjoying their adolescence without struggle or strain.

Wonder who I’m channeling…however, it’s food, another unfortunate pun, for thought.

After self-deprecating myself to death, she finally stopped crying.

“You’re beautiful,” I told her, “and I suggest you get yourself a very big stick so you could beat the boys off who are going to chase you like the fox you are…and of course, you can also use it on your mother.”

Ah, at last, a smile.



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in Beauty, Fashion, food, humanity, humor, kids, New York City, parents, words, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Ass-ets

  1. micklively says:

    My second wife used to tell me it was baby food. 😉
    You did a good thing. So many metal issues are attributable to poor self-esteem. Her mother needs a good kick in her scrawny arse.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    Why do some parents think their offspring need to reflect their own appearance ideals? Their discouraging words only reflect their nasty inner beings.
    I bet that poor child replays your uplifting words over and over.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re like an itinerant Florence Nightingale psychologist, I think. Hopefully she’ll take your words to heart. By the way, succor…great word. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hope I spelled it right…better check. People in general are so tormented by one thing or another. It’s amazing to me. Life is so short David, that so many things should just roll off our backs, like a big can, as my mom would have called that pretty girl’s Jennifer Lopez…:)


  4. Disappointing mom is a big deal. Fortunately I was thinner than my Mom, favoring my Dad’s skinny side of the family. However, she would not have done that anyway. Mom’s are supposed to be supportive. If she was truly concerned, getting her more active is certainly better than telling her she has a huge caboose!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are so kind, Susannah. If only the world could clone you — kindness and thinness all in one body!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Patricia says:

    I have a friend whose daughter does exercises to get a bigger butt. Seems to be the thing at the moment…big butts. Works for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. The things we say to strange children whose mother will, most likely, never get to have their revenge. I do feel so sorry for the young lady. I see that so much and it’s, frankly, ridiculous. There are those who could, of course, stand to lose, but such a small percentage out of the one people and the media have created.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My boss and his wife put so much emphasis on outward appearances that their daughters are petrified to eat anything outside of a carrot stick. The sad thing is they are blind to the damage they’ve done. It’s painful to watch.
    I’m glad you were the one to find this girl crying, and I’m sure she was too!

    Liked by 1 person

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