When my friend Joan asked if I was excited about my birthday I said, oh yes, so much so, I’m draping black crepe along the windows like when Lincoln died.
Excuse me while I start on the mirrors.
It’s not that I’m depressed over my birthday, I’m just a little stunned at how many I’ve had. I feel like Yul Brynner in The King and I, thinking it’s merely one more curtain call.
I also notice, no one asks how old I am anymore. You’d think that would be a relief, but it’s a hint that I’m up there with the Chyrsler Building, still glamorous, but from ten miles away.
I can’t say I mind being remembered. I don’t, providing it’s done on the QT.
When gifts arrive through the mail like spies in quilted envelopes, I’m just tickled as I fib to the doorman and say, oh, it’s that book I ordered. It’s about time for Pete’s sake.
Yes, I say corny things like that as if it were an episode of Leave It To Beaver.
Why I feel the need to lie to Tom, Dick and Abdule, is a mystery, but the Mata Hari in me lives, even if she’s a tad arthritic.
My super, whose mouth I’d like to stuff with a gym sock said, “Too bad you got no man to celebrate wit. Wanna go for pizza? I’ll take ya, so you ain’t alooo-ne.”
Yeah I know, wasn’t that sweet. Well, feeling like little geriatric Nell who can’t get a date so her super offers her a slice out of pity, didn’t exactly boost my spirits.
“No thanks Frank,” I said, “and who said I’m spending it alone?”
I was, but he didn’t have to know that. I even went so far as to put on a dress and let him see me leave. I came back when I knew he was gone bribing Enrique the night man.
Money never loses its appeal.
We like that.
I’ll admit, it would be nice to have a beau, one I could stand, one who would enhance my life as oppose to stealing it. At my golden age, you interview, Google, get FBI records and blood tests including, whether they have body odor or not.
Not on my Bean comforter if you smell like Times Square there Mister. No sirree.
Being self-possessed comes with a criteria after all.
Well, before you know it, my 300th birthday will have passed.
I do kinda like the black crisscrossing the front windows though .