CALLAHEAD

Callahead, the leader in restroom rentals as its ad says, is a company providing port-a-potties throughout the city for hundreds of construction workers knocking down the old, erecting the new.

Hardhats peeing in what look like, old-fashioned phone booths, have become a bit too common for little Connecticut me, but they do remind me of a story.

I was working as a clown, of all things, on a Macy’s commercial in an armory in the Bronx.  They were using three of their Thanksgiving parade floats, needing a space big enough to accommodate Santa, Ariel, the Little Mermaid, and Goofy, which is exactly how I felt.

There was no plumbing in the old armory so yes, we had port-a-potties.  In case you’re not familiar with the state-of-the-art outhouse that’s loaded on and off a truck with enough ammonia to collapse one’s nostrils, after a few hours, the smell could stop a train.

The term, hold it, takes on all new meaning since you’d rather burst a kidney than to have to go in one.

Well, sometimes a girl just can’t hold it forever, so there I was, in full costume, peeing like a racehorse, when the entire structure fell on its side.

UH-OH

I couldn’t do anything, but wait for someone to push it back up, which 5 guys did, yelling things like, youes ok in dere?

“Oh yes, just fine, but could you please…GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE?

When I emerged, red-faced and a tad smelly after having been in there a little too long, I was the headline, no pun intended, of the shoot.

“Did ya hear a girl extra got stuck in the can?”

The saving grace was, they had to redo my clown make-up from scratch, which meant a much longer day, which meant, a much bigger paycheck.

It all came down to whether your porta-pottie was half full or half empty.

And just when you think things couldn’t get any stranger, Jennifer Lopez, who was one of the stars of the commercial having just launched a clothing line for Macy’s asked me, “Were you the one who they had to rescue from the bathroom?”

Bathroom, indeed…that’s a nice way of putting it there J-Lo, you and your full-trailer and buffet set outside on a huge cafe table with fresh linen no less.

I didn’t feel I owed Ms Lopez an answer.     

The blonde is extra….:)

SB

 

 

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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21 Responses to CALLAHEAD

  1. Kate Howell says:

    Great story!

    Hal Rubenstein from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Aaauuuggghhhh! Poor you! I’ve never seen the inside of a port-a-potty and never hope to. My little story is nothing compared to yours. I was always looking for folders to keep things tidy at home. CALLAHEAD mailed an ad to my office, and I took the folder, knowing it wasn’t wanted there. We had color-coded folders for our clients. Our family loves to pun, so I liked the name. The folder was free, and this miser adores using free stuff. All went well until we were walking in church one Sunday morning, and John was mortified that I was using that folder in public. He promised to replace it with anything from his home office. I should have bargained for his favorite stapler and colored paper clips.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ll bet it was quite a dandy folder since they’re the Cartier of port-a-potties. Their biggest competitor is called Royal Flush. You have to hand it to their ad people coming up with these snappy names. If only they didn’t reek so badly. Makes you want to throw your bathroom a party.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Those things seem so dirty I’d be mortified. I went into one once and there was a wasp buzzing around. I hada go so I went but I wasn’t happy. The wasp didn’t seem to mind and he didn’t sting me.

    Like

  4. Alva Chinn says:

    Yikes…my smellovision has me about to hurl. Glad for your $$$, but JLo adding insult to injury your Connecticut manners are what made this work…in-spite of the well positioned curses!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m sitting here sweating as I read my fear come to life on a page. I swear they deliver those things without a care about them falling over. “Tony, yea just drop it on top of that hill that’s good right there”
    Being dressed as a clown made me laugh out loud …. it was literally your saving grace.
    I hope you treated yourself to something fabulous with that extra $$$$!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. skinnyuz2b says:

    I have walked into a few and out again because I just couldn’t bear it. But there have been those moments when there was no choice. So glad I don’t work in construction.
    But you have to admit, Susannah, that a photo of a clown being rescued from a tipped over potty would have gone viral. You could have been famous, or infamous.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Things were bad enough being the star screwball at the armory that hadn’t seen so much action since perhaps the Civil War. I’m from Connecticut Skinny. Peeing in anything short of a 5-star commode is left changing. Now if I was born in Jersey, things would be different. 🙂

      Like

  7. micklively says:

    Not pleasant but spare a thought for the poor sods who have to empty, clean and restock these peripatetic facilities. Olfactory function optional methinks!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. It’s funny, when I see Callahead, I always parse it out to Call Ahead, so I’d probably call them to make a restaurant reservation. 🙂 I think having a port a potty fall over when you’re inside is one of the worst non-catastrophic things that could happen, but the worse it is, the better the story it makes, especially if J-Lo’s in it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Don’t need the extra; she really does little for me.

    Liked by 1 person

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