Callahead, the leader in restroom rentals as its ad says, is a company providing port-a-potties throughout the city for hundreds of construction workers knocking down the old, erecting the new.
Hardhats peeing in what look like, old-fashioned phone booths, have become a bit too common for little Connecticut me, but they do remind me of a story.
I was working as a clown, of all things, on a Macy’s commercial in an armory in the Bronx. They were using three of their Thanksgiving parade floats, needing a space big enough to accommodate Santa, Ariel, the Little Mermaid, and Goofy, which is exactly how I felt.
There was no plumbing in the old armory so yes, we had port-a-potties. In case you’re not familiar with the state-of-the-art outhouse that’s loaded on and off a truck with enough ammonia to collapse one’s nostrils, after a few hours, the smell could stop a train.
The term, hold it, takes on all new meaning since you’d rather burst a kidney than to have to go in one.
Well, sometimes a girl just can’t hold it forever, so there I was, in full costume, peeing like a racehorse, when the entire structure fell on its side.
I couldn’t do anything, but wait for someone to push it back up, which 5 guys did, yelling things like, youes ok in dere?
“Oh yes, just fine, but could you please…GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE?
When I emerged, red-faced and a tad smelly after having been in there a little too long, I was the headline, no pun intended, of the shoot.
“Did ya hear a girl extra got stuck in the can?”
The saving grace was, they had to redo my clown make-up from scratch, which meant a much longer day, which meant, a much bigger paycheck.
It all came down to whether your porta-pottie was half full or half empty.
And just when you think things couldn’t get any stranger, Jennifer Lopez, who was one of the stars of the commercial having just launched a clothing line for Macy’s asked me, “Were you the one who they had to rescue from the bathroom?”
Bathroom, indeed…that’s a nice way of putting it there J-Lo, you and your full-trailer and buffet set outside on a huge cafe table with fresh linen no less.
The blonde is extra….:)