Have you ever heard the expression, restraint of pen and tongue?
No?
How bout, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
My personal favorite?
If you can’t find something nice to say, then shut the fuck up.
What am I all riled about? Loraine Grossman, who I ran into on the avenue. Now I wish I really did run into her, like a runaway Buick careening around a corner.
I hadn’t seen her in ages, about to tool into her 8th decade, still with a mouth that my mother would have heartily washed out with soap.
Always felt we were friends, but as Oscar Wilde said…true friends stab you in the front.
There she was, with her attendant, Amelia, who she’s treating like a house slave, a face lifted so many times she resembles a cold cut platter, but still has the nerve to say to me, who greets her warmly, “Look at you…don’t you eat anymore Susannah? I mean look at you, really…you remind me of a chicken bone.”
OOH
Let me just say, she herself is very thin, comfortably nesting on a branch if you will. Legs like toothpicks, arms matchsticks, yet here she is taking potshots at me.
Restraint of pen and tongue? Indeed…easy does it..consider the source.
DO NOT KILL HER!
She’s not worth going to the slammer for.
So what did the thin girl ultimately say?
“You know Loraine, maybe what you need is a nice long nap, what do ya think? Then I could treat Amelia here to a nice long lunch, for taking such good care of you. And just think, we’ll both be eating.”
Have you ever seen a platter suddenly fall off a shelf?
🙂
SB
As a slender, fit woman, this post reminds me of the many times I have been chided about “being too thin”, by obese persons who would take great umbrage if I were to mention or comment on their extra pounds, which, of course I never do.
Glad to get that off my chest.
Glad you were so quick on your feet with your response.
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Usually it’s a Fatty who makes a crack, like the woman who got off the bus a stop early to tell me I was much too thin. I remember how swollen her ankles were, like two giant sausages. This latest critic, however was so thin. Like a wren in a pantsuit. 🙂
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You are brilliant! What a zinger! I rarely have the perfect reply instantly.
Once I did. I was visiting my parents after I married and lived far away. Mom and I met a busybody, sharp-tongued teacher in the grocery store. She said to me, “You’ve gotten FAT!”
I replied sweetly, “I’d rather be fat than rude.”
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Great answer. Love the phrase, sharp-tongued teacher. Rolls right off your tongue, no pun intended…:)
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Just laughed out loud at this wee hour thinking about good ole bologna face. No doubt she went back to her lair without a clue that she just dodged a bullet.
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Ya know, I’m thin, I am but I’m not that thin. Well, okay. I’m not your average girl, weight wise, for my age. I just never get the nerve some have to say the things they do. I am now looking at all chicken bones totally differently. How cute they are. How great they’d look in flats. 🙂
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Hahaha… chicken has taken on a whole new life.
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Of course, now I can never have another drumstick.
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Ever …
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Susannah, what a perfect, yet ladylike comeback! I always think of the perfect thing to say when it’s too late. I think we’ve all been stung by comments like Loraine’s. I once heard an elderly (about my current age) neighbor tell my cousin’s wife, “You certainly are a wonderful cook. You inherited that from your mother, and your sister inherited her beauty.” The weird thing was that the two sisters were both beautiful.
I think some people just have nasty venom in them that they like to sting people with. I have a sister-in-law like that and I try to stay away from her as much as possible.
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What possesses people to be so mean? It’s gone viral, it seems.
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Very funny Susannah. I can only say, I wish I reminded someone of a chicken bone, instead of a walrus.
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Now now…
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If you did go the slammer, I’d visit you, but it’s best not to. 🙂 I like your response.
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You can smuggle in a saw so I can make my escape. Like in a Jimmy Cagney movie…:)
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Will do. Now that will make a great story.
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You’re so funny.
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I don’t know why people comment about weight at all. People know what they look like. I especially don’t understand why someone who is thin would say such a thing about someone else who is thin. Boggles the mind.
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Criticism. It’s viral, or haven’t you heard. It’s a type of sport for wealthy women on the Upper Eastside.
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It’s all over. I remember one “friend” who criticized my landscaping. It wasn’t completed yet but she was quick with the criticism. I wanted to smack her. I could have dished it back but something held me back. I should have let it fling. I would have felt better.
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I love, that you wanted to smack her. You have to wonder, what’s up with that. Call me crazy and from the Nutmeg state, but…if I can’t say something nice, I say nothing at all. It’s good you didn’t fling. Best to be dignified than sink to their level. Of course, you could suggest she needs more fiber in her diet…:)
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She probably did. I could write a whole book about my experiences with her but it wouldn’t be funny. Basically she was just a woman I worked with. We had similar interests so occasionally (very seldom) we did things outside of work. She moved out of the area and took her friendship with her. Not a problem at all.
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I see. Good riddance then.
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I like you! Now, I have another reason.
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🙂
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When I was at my thinnest, I was insulted regularly. Somehow, people think it’s OK to ridicule thin people though they find restraint for those who struggle to be thin. Criticizing someone’s body shape at any end of the spectrum is just wrong. I like the way you handled it.
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I’ve often thought, remarking on someone’s thinness is the same as making a crack to a heavy person. I never say anything unkind. If you had two heads, I’d just talk to both of them. I’ll never understand other people and their propensity to criticize, like a contact sport.
Oh well…thanks.
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