Erica, I’ll call her, came to me in tears, because Allen, I’ll call him, left her.
Should have known something was up when she asked if I had any scotch to put in her coffee.
It was 8 a.m.
Can’t say I was surprised at the news, since it’s been like a slow train coming.
I said nothing as she wept, zipping the lip, 12 Step slogan number 99, even though I so wanted to say, I told you so.
Longterm relationships need care, but quite often than not, are assumed to be so solid, they’ll just chug along at their own steam.
WRONG!
You need to look after one another, plain and simple. Allen, an investment banker, works hard, a 12 hour-a-day man, that, when he comes homes, needs attention…a meal, a smile…and not from Inez, the housekeeper either, but from his missus who’s rarely there to greet him.
Where is she? Oh, at another sample sale, taking one more college course…on a little holiday with her girlfriends.
He’s lonely. He needs to talk, and though he likes Inez, he wants his wife to hear about his day, not the woman who does the cleaning.
In all fairness, Allen was a real trooper, never strayed, always coming home stoic and silent, the contents of his briefcase keeping him company. I’d say, you know Erica, you just might be pushing the envelope by never being there when he gets home.
“Oh don’t be silly,” she’d say, “he’s fine, and would never think of fooling around. Allen? that’s pretty funny.”
Yeah well, who’s laughing now that he’s asked for a divorce so he can marry Frita, a girl he met at O’Hare, when his flight from Chicago got delayed. She’s 40, never married. and loves to cook, unlike Erica who’d freeze a few things Inez would then defrost. Apparently Frita bakes from scratch, and even makes her own bread, something Allen just can’t get over.
“I need to talk some sense into him,” she told me. “I mean wait till the kids hear. I’ll just die without my Allen.”
Again, I said nothing but knew, Erica from now on, might be freezing alone. 
SB
You are smart. I learned a long time ago that you can’t give unsolicited advice. People shrug it off. Yet you can see it coming down the track right on time.
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Yeah…I’ve seen it so many times, and it’s such a shame. It’s just neglect that shows its ugly head. It’s not always the wife’s is in pain, sometimes the man is the designated driver. sigh…hope they work it out.
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Sometimes it’s easier for someone outside the relationship to see what’s coming than the ones inside. Just things seem okay on the surface doesn’t mean they are sometimes. All relationships take work, it’s true.
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I know you know. Hope he gives her another chance, though, I don’t know. He seems quite smitten with Chef Frita…sigh
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I don’t know if either of my two wives regret me not being around. Actually, don’t care. It may sound callous, but both of them are better off without me or, at least, me without them. Someone said the other day on a post somewhere or a dating site that true love is never hard work…at the time, I scoffed, and went on. Hearing you say how much work they are makes me know I was right…they really are. Neither of my wives put much work into the relationship and, probably, didn’t think they needed to with me doing all I did. Partially my fault, but people need to put in the work to help themselves, too. I do now, as much as I can. Yes, I am freezing alone, but don’t have any children to raise, including either of the two I married…
Scott
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The word work seems wrong to me. Love shouldn’t be so difficult. It’s that Polyanna in me.
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Labor of Love sounds better. Wish I could have that…sigh
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Could be on the way. You just never know.
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That is true…don’t even know who…
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I don’t doubt your diagnosis of the relationship malaise. But the solution worries me. How can Frita ever trust him? The way you win them is the way you loose them.
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I love that line. Angelina was told that when she found Brad allegedly stepping out. You have to remember the Fritas of the world want to love more than get another degree. The women who have it all like my friend, think love is theirs once they have it. Not so. It tends to go where it’s appreciated. She’ll stoke him like a cat and he’ll purr like one.
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Spoken like a dog lover! 😉
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WOOF, said she.
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I’ve heard it said that marriage can be work—perhaps that statement comes upon reflection after the fact—and I could easily understand someone not wanting to invest effort in another relationship so soon after one might have ended. However, it sounds like Erica forgot the effort part of her marriage while it was still in progress. Ouch!
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I’m far removed from a long term marriage, but I do know, if you don’t take care of something whether it be a roof, a car or even the soles of your shoes, nonevof it will last long. My humble opinion. Nice hearing from you.
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I think your humble opinion is spot on. :O)
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Well thanks Paul. Nice to be told that.
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And the sad thing is, Susannah, that she’ll probably make the same mistakes with the next guy. A relationship is like a garden; it needs lots of tending to bear good fruit.
You deserve an award for not pointing out a few of her contributing actions. ‘I told you so’ is so satisfying to say and such a hard thing to keep inside.
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Well, you and your beloved Pookie-pie clearly are good to each other which is key, I think. People in general need care, even in small doses. Yes, it was hard for me to keep silent but I did. Amazing, isn’t it?
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You’re right about taking care of who you love and don’t get too comfortable with the situation. You are also good for a laugh in the middle of my day Susannah! ~Elle
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Laughing is good any time of the day.
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You are very wise. I’ve never had confidences like that, but if it ever happens, I hope I follow your example and keep my mouth shut.
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So hard not to say what you think. Zipping one’s lip is a talent.
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You are right, men love our attention. Food, making them feel like the center of the universe, and sex is all they need. Erica didn’t get the memo. Homemade bread? Please, my husband would be throwing dollar bills at that without batting an eye.
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See Top, your smart, and Italian. Care taking is in our blood. Like marinara sauce. 🙂
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