Hicks 56

I write a homage to the late Bill Hicks twice a year…February 26, the day he took flight, and on his birthday, which is today, normally with great cheer.

Recently, on three occasions, readers questioned the validity of my relationship with Bill, because I’m nowhere mentioned in any of the write-ups about his life.

After regaining myself, feeling terrible to be doubted over something that is so deeply personal, my friend, Chris Mazzilli, who knew us both, persuaded me to write anyway…

even suggesting I post one of Bill’s letters, as evidence.

Well, there’s no way I’m defending myself by sharing his letters, that after 23 years, still mean the world to me.

Despite my 1,688 essays on this blog, I’m a very private person, and alongside him, laid, all that was us, to rest, which doesn’t mean not lovingly writing about him, choosing what is my right to reveal.

I will say, when he died, a part of me did to.  Unlike others, I didn’t feel the need to crow to the world who I was to him, and who he will always be to me.

He was gone, and though, even now, still feeling his presence, there was, and is, no point self-aggrandizing myself through our love affair.

Death is a strange phenomenon, especially when it careens out of nowhere, instilling a depth of grief that changes you forever.  My innocence was no longer…a young girl’s dream of everlasting happiness, dulled, happily ever after, no longer an option.

I’m stunned at the temerity of people who feel it’s their right to know things that have nothing to do with them.

If Bill were here, he’d be amazed too, soothing me in his Texas twang, smiling at my eternal sensitivity…fuck-em all darlin, he’d say, it doesn’t much matter what they think.

I smile at the thought of that…despite the rough parlance, probably the purest gentleman I’ve ever known, who always took excellent care of me.

I’ll forever remember how he walked on the curbside, and held my hand crossing the street.

William Melvin Hicks would have been 56 years-old today.

Happy Birthday Willie, wherever you are.

I miss you.

Love, Susannah



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in comedy, grace, humanity, humor, internet, Love, Women and men, words, writing and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Hicks 56

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, I’m so sorry you lost such a wonderful love. You do a great service keeping his memory alive and introducing him to those of us who never knew him. In this tell all world, I find it refreshing that you don’t feel the need to share every personal or intimate detail.


  2. gmg says:

    So, So sorry, Susannah. I can feel your pain and your love for him.


  3. gmg says:

    You know the truth. That’s what is important………xoxo


  4. Rubenstein, Hal says:

    Sweet !



  5. This is very touching. I’m sorry there was no living happily ever after.


  6. Your love for Bill comes across loud and clear when you write about him ❤ I too wish he was still holding your hand and shaking up the world with his quick wit and profound logic.


  7. I’m sure the pain of loss will never go away, but hopefully the sting can be lessened by thinking of the good times you had. Good tribute to him.


  8. You have a total right to feel and write what you will so long as it doesn’t unjustifiably harm someone. You also have that same right to not write anything you choose. No one should have or should assume the right to demand you tell them something, especially personal, more especially when it concerns someone else. If people don’t believe you that is their right, but I look upon a person as a troll who continuously requests the same thing over and over when told “no” or it is implicitly applied.
    I don’t know a lot about the man, but do know you have mentioned his many times, always with great affection. I took it for granted it was the truth – as should others. I can say that I was a bit jealous as I would enjoy having someone as sweet and wonderful as you talk about me in such a way. We all have a perfect right to our feelings and those should be respected.
    You go on, Girl, talk about him all you want or don’t, up to you, not anyone else.


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