I’m waiting for the light to change behind a very attractive woman in her 30s, and a very, unattractive man, in his.
He was as homely as she was beautiful, so I assumed they were just friends, until they kissed goodbye like Liz and Dick.
Whoa, I thought. Opposites do attract, but shouldn’t there be a limit?
He crosses Park while she forlornly stands waving, watching him go.
I find myself two corners down with her again, so I smile and say, “You were very passionate back there. I can’t help being a little envious. But, well…oh never mind.”
“No, what were you about to say?”
Oh dear, as I try taking my Chuck Taylor out of my mouth that sounds dirty but, try to remember he’s a sneaker.
“He’s ya know, no George Clooney?”
“George Clooney couldn’t shine his shoes…and I’ll have you know he’s a rabbi, and the most eligible bachelor at my synagogue and any minute he’s going to pop the question.”
By all means, don’t hold back. I cleared my throat. “You mean marriage?”
“Asking me to spend Shabbatz with him. We’ve been just dating casually, but I think he’s ready for a deeper commitment.”
Shabbatz, falling on Saturday, is Jewish Sunday, when you solemnly stroll to Temple, then eat all day. At least that’s what I’m told.
I have to say, as she talked, I wanted to feel her head. He looked like a giant cue ball with a belly you could bounce on.
She was perky as a pup, blonde and petite, but built, like a bullet about ready to fire itself, so I just couldn’t see them canoodling.
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” she says.
“Yes, I’ve heard that,” remembering that dentist I swooned over who limped.
“I guess, the important thing is, if he makes you happy.”
Yes I said that.
“He actually makes me pretty miserable being the ladies man he is. Everybody wants him?”
“Really? I mean…really? If you don’t mind me saying, he’s, you know, not…
“GEORGE CLOONEY COULDN’T SHINE HIS SHOES!”
“Okay, I’m sorry, but you’re so gorgeous. He should be smitten with you on his arm.”
“My mother says, I’m wasting my time and should go back on Jdate.”
Jdate is the Jewish EHarmony…Hi I’m a JAP, loud and proud, like to shop, don’t cook but give great…heads up on what jewelry you’re to buy me.
“Well, I agree with your mom, and making him jealous, might do him some good.”
She gave me a huge smile before saying, she was late for a sample sale.
I don’t know. Men, they can be fat, bald and boring, and still considered a catch.
What’s the catch?
Hell if I know.
Shabbatz Shalom, as they say at Temple.