Beauty and the Rabbi

I’m waiting for the light to change behind a very attractive woman in her 30s, and a very, unattractive man, in his.

He was as homely as she was beautiful, so I assumed they were just friends, until they kissed goodbye like Liz and Dick.

Whoa, I thought. Opposites do attract, but shouldn’t there be a limit?

He crosses Park while she forlornly stands waving, watching him go.

I find myself two corners down with her again, so I smile and say, “You were very passionate back there. I can’t help being a little envious.  But, well…oh never mind.”

“No, what were you about to say?”

Oh dear, as I try taking my Chuck Taylor out of my mouth that sounds dirty but, try to remember he’s a sneaker.

“He’s ya know, no George Clooney?”

OOPS

“George Clooney couldn’t shine his shoes…and I’ll have you know he’s a rabbi, and the most eligible bachelor at my synagogue and any minute he’s going to pop the question.”

By all means, don’t hold back. I cleared my throat. “You mean marriage?”

“Asking me to spend Shabbatz with him. We’ve been just dating casually, but I think he’s ready for a deeper commitment.”

Shabbatz, falling on Saturday, is Jewish Sunday, when you solemnly stroll to Temple, then eat all day. At least that’s what I’m told.

I have to say, as she talked, I wanted to feel her head.  He looked like a giant cue ball with a belly you could bounce on.

She was perky as a pup, blonde and petite, but built, like a bullet about ready to fire itself, so I just couldn’t see them canoodling.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” she says.

“Yes, I’ve heard that,” remembering that dentist I swooned over who limped.

“I guess, the important thing is, if he makes you happy.”

Yes I said that.

“He actually makes me pretty miserable being the ladies man he is. Everybody wants  him?”

“Really?  I mean…really? If you don’t mind me saying, he’s, you know, not…

“GEORGE CLOONEY COULDN’T SHINE HIS SHOES!”

“Okay, I’m sorry, but you’re so gorgeous. He should be smitten with you on his arm.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“My mother says, I’m wasting my time and should go back on Jdate.”

Jdate is the Jewish EHarmony…Hi I’m a JAP, loud and proud, like to shop, don’t cook but give great…heads up on what jewelry you’re to buy me. 

“Well, I agree with your mom, and making him jealous, might do him some good.”

She gave me a huge smile before saying, she was late for a sample sale.

I don’t know. Men, they can be fat, bald and boring, and still considered a catch.

What’s the catch?

Hell if I know.

Shabbatz Shalom, as they say at Temple.

SB

 

 

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Beauty, Faith, Fashion, humanity, humor, internet, Love, media, New York City, religion, Women and men, words and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to Beauty and the Rabbi

  1. Sometimes people become more attractive when others want them. It’s like that apple you didn’t pick because there was a bruise and now two woman are locking horns for it. There is no logic when it comes to the heart. Maybe he has $$! That would work too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. haha! I was thinking Georgie Jessel while reading this! The heart wants what the heart wants…. what can I say? Great post, as always!
    Cathi

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Maybe he’s got a great personality. 🙂 It’s gotta be something, apparently.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What is it about power? Women falls for men of power no matter what they look like.
    Should I mention our leader? Perhaps, not. Good one my dear, Susannah.
    Isadora 😎

    Liked by 1 person

  5. micklively says:

    Maybe he has a beautiful bank balance? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  6. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, I agree that power seems to be an aphrodisiac. Unfortunately, those unions don’t seem to last since they are built on such flimsy foundations. A great personality can make the homeliest guy look handsome. And it sounds as though that beautiful girl is lacking a few sparkling personality traits herself. Well, here’s hoping Jdate finds the perfect match for her and she forgets the roving-eyed rabbi..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Love your alliteration…flimsy foundations. She burst at the seams with me, like she really needed to defend herself so I think me and mom are not the first to say he’s no matinee idol.

      I will say, some of my past choices would have raised a few eyebrows, the limping dentist being the least of them. Chemistry can be such a mystery. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Rubenstein, Hal says:

    Very funny a real hoot ! Hope you’re well and find a nice Jewish guy who will treat you well.

    Best,
    Hal

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am more and more amazed at the wide variety of people you meet and write about. It is astounding.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s the writer trolling for something to write about. Paying attention, you know, like a roving cub reporter and remember, what better place to troll than New York City. 🙂

      Like

      • You have ready copy!! I’m so glad you are on duty all the time.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I was thinking abut you…you write so well, I’ll bet if you tooled around you’d have so much material. Pretend you’re Lois Lane and Perry White wants a story. I love LL by the way. She wore a suit and pumps, got to flirt with Jimmy and knew Superman. sigh 🙂

        Like

      • Living in the country limits the scope for people stories. There was more to write about when I walked by the water in Stony Brook. I miss the people, but mountain (substitute valley) living is marvelous. I’ll satisfy my people-fix by reading your blog.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m still not convinced. What about when you shop and venture out doing errands. And your family. You’ve mentioned family to me. I’m interested in you, wanna know things like, What’s your favorite pie? Mine is banana cream but you can’t get it by me. I need to go to Jersey. 🙂

        Like

      • You are right. I pass people in the aisles, and I’m in the NY habit of not looking at them. I must become more observant! Thanks for pointing that out. As to food, the answer to every question is CHOCOLATE!! I make banana pudding, which satisfies our banana sweet tooth.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I LOVE CHOCOLATE CREAM PIE TOO…IT’S BANANA’S RUNNER UP…:)

        Like

  9. Gail Kaufman says:

    I always wondered why sitcoms often pair up beautiful women with men who are not George Clooney. Maybe art imitating life?

    Liked by 1 person

    • My men have never been that kind of handsome. When I think of it, they looked more like serial killers. I guess thinking the rabbi wasn’t snappy enough for her was rather shallow. Oh well. Got an essay out of it at any rate. Thanks for reading.

      Like

  10. I am not boring….lol

    Like

  11. Social status and checkbooks seem to be the new “hot & handsome” today. Every time I look at Malania I think “No, no I just could not close my eyes and forget, even with the checkbook, NO!” I hope this young lady follows the advice because Mr. Rabbi’s head is getting too big for his yamcha.. WTF!

    Liked by 1 person

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