Suicide Can’t Be An Option

I’m mourning the death of Anthony Bourdain as if he were a relative, though I never met the man, only in print.

My friend Ed after we both recently reread all of his books said, it’s because his writing was so personal, it’s like rooming with him.

He was candid about everything, fearless in his honesty, alas…except when it came to his own pain. Who ever would have thought a man with such swagger felt that hopeless.

Kitchen Confidential is one of my all time favorite books I tend to give away, once again ordering another copy. But this one arrived so damaged it had to be sent back. I look at it now as an omen, a sly whisper for what evil preyed in the wings.

I’ve suffered from depression on and off my whole life, and this is what I know.  When it hits like a tarp that’s been thrown over you, fight to hurl it off.  Go out into the world, walk, crawl if you have to. Find the nearest dog to pet or baby carriage to peek into. Buy a meal for the needy, or a gift for someone you love.

Grace will rush in like the cavalry if you give her a chance proving,…move a muscle, change a thought, is not just a catchphrase.

When I think, two such loved and respected, had everything on paper, blessed people, Anthony and designer Kate Spade, chose to exit the way they did, it brings me to my knees.

They leave behind young daughters who will miss them and parents who will cry.

Anthony had an 80 year-old mother, Kate her dad, who must be heartbroken since it’s unnatural to bury one of your children.

We have options. We do. I choose nature, who welcomes me with open arms, but there are other ways to combat that darkness, like therapy and medication.

But the best advice I can give is to call a good friend. I’d call Chris, or Ed, who’d both jump in their cars if I said, I was that close to putting out my lights.

Believe you’re worthy.

I weep for Anthony. I weep for Kate, two sensitive souls who couldn’t see their way out of the valley.

Let’s hope they’ve finally found peace.   

National Suicide Prevention 24 hour Lifeline…1-800-273-8255




About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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21 Responses to Suicide Can’t Be An Option

  1. Eilene Lyon says:

    Suicide is truly something I will never have understand. I’ve despaired at times in my life, but my tenacious will to live will not leave me.
    I will very much miss the brilliant talent of Mr. Bourdain.


  2. gmg says:

    Love your wisdom, Susannah. When I heard he died, I immediately thought of you. I remember you liked him and his writings. So sad………


    • I cannot say how sad I am, still bewildered such a man could have ended his life in such a way. He was truly amazing, masculine, strong. To think he hid such torment breaks my heart.


  3. No doubt this week has been a trying one on the ole emotions.


  4. So sad all the way around. So hard to understand.


  5. Always feels a loss. I have had people I know commit suicide and it stings, hurts, and makes you feel your mortality. I suffered greatly from chronic depression/anxiety until my stroke had been over a while. I realized I did not feel depression anymore. In fact, I was very happy, positive, and direct. I don’t know if my stroke changed my brain, removing depression/anxiety or if I became a different person who no longer had any use for it. Either is fine. It’s gone and I don’t miss it, but, I understand it and can talk to others about it.


  6. Loretta says:

    What a lovely tribute of sorts to both. As you’ve suffered from depression yourself, I feel you’re able to give the advice you have above. I’m always afraid to say much or be judgmental as one never knows what happened at the last minute they were on this earth. We lost a similar soul just a few months ago – he left behind a wife and two lovely girls (well she had just become his ex-wife). How heartbreaking it was for all of us asking “why”? Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


    • I’m sorry you lost someone. I know how hard it is to understand how anyone could leave this earth by their own hand. I feel so sad still and grateful I’m still here. Depression is a terrible state to be in. My heart goes out to anyone mired by it. When I think of Anthony Bourdain who seemed to have everything, I realize the one thing missing was peace of mind. Without it all the other treasures lose their grace. I so appreciate you writing.


  7. This is great writing, Susannah and a great tribute to them without overlooking the tragedy of depression left untreated. Hopefully this will help others get help if they need it.


  8. skinnyuz2b says:

    You said it, Susannah. Believe you’re worthy.


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