Oh God

I was raised Catholic, though running for my life, my mother using God like a machete to scare me half to death, certainly a bad rap for the great creator.

My God as of late is more casual, in a baseball cap with a tattoo on his muscley bicep that says, TRUST ME with angels across it. Hells Angels, but hey, this is New York remember.

I talk to him a lot, often with attitude since he’s not coming through fast enough.

“I’m busy,” he tells me, “look what’s going on: earthquakes, addiction, this across the border business, and a lot of inappropriate Tweeting if you get my drift. Thank the Lord, meaning me, my Apostles didn’t have internet access, especially Paul since you know, he’d be all over Facebook.”

“Yeah but, what about me?”

“I’ll get to you, be patient.”

“Yeah but, you didn’t make me patient.”

“Everyone’s entitled to a slip.”

This morning I was in the park and a robin was sitting demurely on a fencepost. I stopped to admire her assuming it was a female since she was cleaning under her wings.

I heard God mutter, “see, you think I’m so inept, but look at how perfect I made her; she flies, lands, has a good sense of direction, for a woman that is, all using what, if you don’t mind me saying, all the good I gave her.”

“Yeah yeah, but what about me?”

“Gotta go, I’m needed in Washington.”

“Now that’s an understatement.”

He also has a sense of humor since he rarely provides anything you’d expect. It always comes in what I call, prankster packaging, letting you know how clever he is.

You expect him on foot, but instead he parachutes in…the little celestial comedian.

“You need a better job you say? Well, next time be more specific. How did I know they were gonna put you in a cat suit in 9o degree weather. Write in big letters Susannah, so I don’t forget. I’m busy, I keep telling you.”

“Jesus God, must I do everything?”

“Speaking of my only begotten son, he could teach you a thing or two. Let go and let God, for starters. Isn’t that one of your 12 Step slogans? Jesus goes to meetings, I’m surprised you haven’t run into him? My name, by the way, stands for…

Good orderly direction. Get it, GOD?”

“You don’t have to brag, and what’s that you’re humming?’

“I got the whole world in my hands, or more on my hands.”

“Well in that case, I’m going to bed, to read.”

“Good idea…how about throwing in some Corinthians or a coupla’ parables?”

“How bout you answering a few of my prayers?”

“I’m on it, but like I said, I’M BUSY!

“Oh God!”        



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Books, Faith, grace, humanity, humor, internet, Love, nature, readng, religion, travel, words and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Oh God

  1. So he needs you to be specific? How about the lottery so you can also do some good! Perhaps he will need to flood Washington to fix it. He’s done that before.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Very cute, very entertaining, and very…um…kinda point on, at times.
    My God, I often refer to Him/Her/It as Universe, has never created any mistakes. All is exactly as needed. I have to admit I would not have handled it quite the same way, but I am not the God everyone looks up to. I do believe each of us are God in our own way, very capable of creating our own life and destiny as well as reality.
    Thanks for the food thought,

    Liked by 1 person

  3. E says:

    I was also raised Catholic. This was a fun piece. I’ve decided there’s nothing new under the sun and it’s not so much he’s put us on hold as he’s too busy marveling at the yellow butterfly to take up our senseless worries; especially since he knows how the story ends. ; )


  4. I was spent last week with worry, confusion, anger and a whole slew of emotions over a situation because well, that’s what I do best. Then, just as I was unpacking my white flag to surrender, I looked out the window, and a cardinal was looking at me from my neighbor’s butterfly bush, and I thought “Hey “G” what up?”
    Once again your timing is spot on!


    • No one read this. Of course I only tune in to three people you being one. A silly parody however I do believe there’s something bigger going on. Just ask that cardinal. Thanks for reading.


  5. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, what a funny and spot on piece. I agree that God must certainly have a sense of humor. Either that or He was very preoccupied while creating certain creatures, like guinea hens or turkeys. Ever look at one of those up close?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Eilene Lyon says:

    Love this! We’re all just a quark in the being that is the Universe. Maybe your quark is part of a hangnail that Universe will get around to trimming someday. Or maybe your quark is part of the retina that sees the truth in everything.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Quark…had to look it up…I like that I’m a subatomic particle and love you taught me a new word. An apple for the teacher. I like to think I at least, search for the truth, even if coming up short a good part of the time. You know what they say Eilene…the truth shall set you free, but first it will kick your ass…:)

      Liked by 1 person

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