I was raised Catholic, though running for my life, my mother using God like a machete to scare me half to death, certainly a bad rap for the great creator.
My God as of late is more casual, in a baseball cap with a tattoo on his muscley bicep that says, TRUST ME with angels across it. Hells Angels, but hey, this is New York remember.
I talk to him a lot, often with attitude since he’s not coming through fast enough.
“I’m busy,” he tells me, “look what’s going on: earthquakes, addiction, this across the border business, and a lot of inappropriate Tweeting if you get my drift. Thank the Lord, meaning me, my Apostles didn’t have internet access, especially Paul since you know, he’d be all over Facebook.”
“Yeah but, what about me?”
“I’ll get to you, be patient.”
“Yeah but, you didn’t make me patient.”
“Everyone’s entitled to a slip.”
This morning I was in the park and a robin was sitting demurely on a fencepost. I stopped to admire her assuming it was a female since she was cleaning under her wings.
I heard God mutter, “see, you think I’m so inept, but look at how perfect I made her; she flies, lands, has a good sense of direction, for a woman that is, all using what, if you don’t mind me saying, all the good I gave her.”
“Yeah yeah, but what about me?”
“Gotta go, I’m needed in Washington.”
“Now that’s an understatement.”
He also has a sense of humor since he rarely provides anything you’d expect. It always comes in what I call, prankster packaging, letting you know how clever he is.
You expect him on foot, but instead he parachutes in…the little celestial comedian.
“You need a better job you say? Well, next time be more specific. How did I know they were gonna put you in a cat suit in 9o degree weather. Write in big letters Susannah, so I don’t forget. I’m busy, I keep telling you.”
“Jesus God, must I do everything?”
“Speaking of my only begotten son, he could teach you a thing or two. Let go and let God, for starters. Isn’t that one of your 12 Step slogans? Jesus goes to meetings, I’m surprised you haven’t run into him? My name, by the way, stands for…
Good orderly direction. Get it, GOD?”
“You don’t have to brag, and what’s that you’re humming?’
“I got the whole world in my hands, or more on my hands.”
“Well in that case, I’m going to bed, to read.”
“Good idea…how about throwing in some Corinthians or a coupla’ parables?”
“How bout you answering a few of my prayers?”
“I’m on it, but like I said, I’M BUSY!”