Though the door is open, no one is in the front, so I patiently wait trying not to steal any cookies that are all winking at me like women of the night.
Is that a baby I hear?
A little barista with nails that could service the entire cocaine industry, comes running out to say, she’ll be right back.
It’s only 5 a.m. but amazed I’m still the only one here.
Finally she emerges, clutching a cradle with the cutest baby girl wrapped inside cooing like a little dove.
“Is she yours?” I ask, getting all loopy at the gummy grin the wee thing’s giving me.
“Yes, ma baba sitta’ didn’t come, and I had ta open. I’m so upset. I’m scared they’s gonna fira’ me.”
“No they won’t,” I say, suddenly the Norma Rae of protective mothers, before having the wild idea of offering to babysit.
NO NO NO SUSANNAH, YOU’VE NEVER CHANGED A DIAPER IN YOUR LIFE…GET HOLD OF YOURSELF.
But that cooing was playing me like a cheap banjo.
Before I could shoot myself in the sneaker, another woman comes in with more or less the same response.
“What I’m gonna go?” said Mom, really panicking since, now she has a line that her co-worker, who finally shows up, is trying to man himself.
The woman alongside me, who I happen to casually know, offers to take Accolade. Maybe it was Adelaide, and I didn’t hear right, though an accolade is a prize after all and Mom is maybe 17. (how old do you have to be to have a key to a Starbucks?)
My copilot then asks, “Doesn’t she have a dad?”
“Yes ma’am, but he’s doin’ ta-m’, but should be out in no ta-m’. He didn’t do nothin,” she says, like a good urban attorney, “but would jus’ not rat on his freends’.”
I like him immediately, as I watch this wonderful woman take the little bundle and cuddle her like a doll.
I get my Tall Viennese Blend in a Grande Cup and leave, deciding, it’s high time I learn how to change a diaper, since you never know when this could happen again.