Dr. Ed MD

Whenever I have a medical question, I call my friend Ed.

“Ed, I have this sudden rash on my arms and neck…what do you think it could be!”

“What were you eating, dare I ask?”

“Well, I dunno. Nothing out of the ordinary, I don’t think.”

“Stop pacing like a lynx and think harder…strawberries maybe? When they say they’re good for you Susannah, they don’t mean by the quart. Did you happen to pull one of your all-nighters at a raw fish bar perhaps?…

Or was it Frozen Margarita Night at Burrito Joes?”

“Well, Whole Foods did have a pretty good sale on shellfish, shrimp in particular, and I did buy some.”

“How much…how many did you eat?”

“I dunno, a few…dozen?”

“Well you’re lucky you don’t have gills. Or do you?”

He always figures it out before I can cab it to the ER terrorizing the taxi driver, who thinks I’m about to die in his backseat, always excelling in the art of diplomacy.

“Ed?”

“NOW WHAT! IS IT THAT BIG TOE OF YOURS ACTING UP? TAKE OFF THOSE FUCKING HEELS. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YA. YOU’RE OLD NOW, REMEMBER? THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE CORNS THE SIZE OF PAPAYAS.”

“Thanks Ed. I guess I’ll wait till tomorrow to tell you about…

”DON’T TELL ME, IS YOUR HEART MURMURING AGAIN? WELL TELL IT TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO SLEEP!”

“Okay, will do. G’nite now.”

“GOOD NIGHT!”

 Dr. Ed MD, not for the faint of heart.

🙂

SB

  
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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in comedy, food, friendship, Health, humanity, humor, New York City, words and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Dr. Ed MD

  1. Ummm…papayas? Those must be some corns!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. edwardcres says:

    And all this from a man who couldn’t pass high school chemistry!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Everyone needs a friend like this. 🙂 Nice post.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Men who wear bowties are dreamy. The fact that he is also an internet doctor who drops the F-bomb in his diagnosis and doesn’t charge for services makes him exceptional. Something tells me he makes house calls …

    Liked by 1 person

  5. skinnyuz2b says:

    Mr. Ed sounds hilarious. My husband’s answer to any problem that isn’t gushing out blood is always the same. Got a headache? Drink water. Muscle spasms? Drink water. Constipated? Drink water. Stomach cramps? Drink water. Bloated? Drink water and float away.
    As for heels I’ll still be wearing them when I’m 90, right along with you, ha ha!

    Liked by 1 person

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