The Salvation Army’s army of Santas, are already out, ringin’ their noble bells.
My own Santa on the corner is quite charming. A cross between Will Smith, Bozo and a game show host, plus he sings, and he’s good too, crooning My Girl, by The Temptations, sliding into, We Need a Little Christmas, from the Broadway show Mame. An actor, no doubt, paying the rent.
I see him at least 3 times a day never failing to be asked for a contribution. I finally said, if I give the Salvation Army any more money, I’ll have to ask them for a loan.
“Oh, you’re not foolin’ me,” said Santa. “I know all about you East Side girls. You just don’t wanna dig into that trust fund a’ yours.”
This brings me to yesterday. As I got off the train, there he was in his usual spot, ringing his bell, belting out a tune, when a pretty young girl in front of me, flips around like a flapjack in embossed leather and screams, “YOU WHISTLIN’ AT ME?”
It took a second but then realized, she was speaking to Santa.
Not missing a beat, his white teeth gleaming like a Pepsodent ad said, “I just couldn’t help myself, you’re so damned beautiful, you just make me wanna ring my bell.”
“I’LL RING YO BELL, I’LL RING IT SO HARD YO’LL GET A FUCKIN NOSE BLEED.”
What a great line, I thought, write that down Susannah, quick….write it down.
As she left like a gazelle on steroids, I looked over at Santa who I’m guessing, won’t be whistling anytime soon.