I Saw Mommy Smackin’ Santa Claus

The Salvation Army’s army of Santas, are already out, ringin’ their noble bells.

My own Santa on the corner is quite charming. A cross between Will Smith, Bozo and a game show host, plus he sings, and he’s good too, crooning My Girl, by The Temptations, sliding into, We Need a Little Christmas, from the Broadway show Mame. An actor, no doubt, paying the rent.

I see him at least 3 times a day never failing to be asked for a contribution. I finally said, if I give the Salvation Army any more money, I’ll have to ask them for a loan.

“Oh, you’re not foolin’ me,” said Santa. “I know all about you East Side girls. You just don’t wanna dig into that trust fund a’ yours.”

I wish.

This brings me to yesterday. As I got off the train, there he was in his usual spot, ringing his bell, belting out a tune, when a pretty young girl in front of me, flips around like a flapjack in embossed leather and screams, “YOU WHISTLIN’ AT ME?”

It took a second but then realized, she was speaking to Santa.

Not missing a beat, his white teeth gleaming like a Pepsodent ad said, “I just couldn’t help myself, you’re so damned beautiful, you just make me wanna ring my bell.”

“I’LL RING YO BELL, I’LL RING IT SO HARD YO’LL GET A FUCKIN NOSE BLEED.”

What a great line, I thought, write that down Susannah, quick….write it down.

As she left like a gazelle on steroids, I looked over at Santa who I’m guessing, won’t be whistling anytime soon.   images-1.jpeg

🙂

SB

 

 

 

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in creative writing, Culture, humanity, humor, New York City and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to I Saw Mommy Smackin’ Santa Claus

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Santa got game! I’m so old school that I remember being flattered when someone whistled.
    This time of year I keep lots of ones handy for those ringers. My Pookie and his two brothers each take a turn ringing the bell. They aren’t actors, but are certainly entertaining. Lots of impromptu dancing and singing. No standing still with stoic ringing. Their father used to do it and got them into it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. She was feisty wasn’t she? I like upbeat Santas. They make you donate more!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Just a guess here…she was having a bad day?
    Scott

    Like

  4. I think the hardest thing about being an SA Santa is hearing that bell ring for hours on end. Good for him for singing and mixing it up, although it may be abusing his position to be whistling at girls during it. 🙂 Sounds like he was getting on that girl’s last nerve.

    Like

    • I think a guy in a Santa suit in the middle of the afternoon is pretty harmless. She may need a little more fiber in her diet or maybe she has low blood sugar. Could also have been all that leather she was wearing. Glad it didn’t come with a whip and a chair or Santa would be on sick leave. 🙂

      Like

  5. robprice59 says:

    We can’t win! You all want to look pretty and be admired, but the moment that admiration is expressed in an “unapproved” manner, you go all Radio Rental. If you can’t trust Santa……….

    Liked by 1 person

  6. NYC has the best Salvation Santas on the planet. That girl needs to calm the hell down. There will come a day when “whistles from Sants” will be on here damn wish list.

    Liked by 1 person

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