Best Stories of the Week…February 28th

It’s 6:a.m. and 25 degrees, as I wait for the light to change crossing into the park, when I see a young guy, in a suit, coming towards me with his jacket open wearing only a button-down.

Me in my 4 layers couldn’t help saying, “Hey, it’s freezing out here. You’re not even wearing a scarf.”

“Couldn’t find it,” he says.

“Where the hell is your wife, if you don’t mind me asking?” Assuming he was married living on Fifth and all, and he says…

“He’s sleeping.”

I then run into Caroline from the next building and her greyhound, Bess, who looks a little sad, not unusual for her breed, but Bess normally is a real party animal, no pun intended.

“What’s wrong with Bess? She seems not herself.”

“She’s not,” says Caroline. “We changed her food to bring her cholesterol down, and she’s not happy.”

I never knew dogs even had cholesterol, but of course, it’s the Upper East Side so one must assume.

“I’m sorry, I hope she’ll be her best Bess soon.”

“Oh she will. I promised her we’d leave for Palm Beach a week early. That’ll perk her up.”

It would perk me up too, and no, I did not make this up.

Last but not least, I went on a job interview for a Diabetes drug requested by the ad agency. Usually they want more robust people, but hey…when they ask to see you, you go. I walk in and sure enough every person waiting is fat. When I sit down, they all look at me curiously while I think, wow, if they decide to stampede, I’m dead.

When it’s my turn, I can’t help saying to the ad people, “Um, aren’t I a little too thin for this?”

They were shocked. “What happened? Did you suddenly lose a lot of weight?”

“I’ve always been this weight, but you saw my picture, right?”

“One second,” one of them says, while Googling my agent’s website.

Well, there I was, looking like I had jumped 12 dress sizes except, it wasn’t me. My name was under the wrong photo.

Turns out, Maxine, I’ll call her, was tweaking her site and something went a bit awry causing me to gain a good 70 pounds.

Guess I’m not gettin’ that job, but we did have a good laugh, and I got a story out of it.

So many tales to tell, in the Naked City.

SB

 

 

 

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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43 Responses to Best Stories of the Week…February 28th

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, I just love your snippets of NYC life. I’ve got to rush off to sub for high school English. You are such a great start to my day.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dale says:

    My boys are like that young man. It has to be minus a bazillion for gloves, never mind a closed coat.

    I know pets are like family but oy! Some owners are off the top aren’t they?

    As for the diabetes ad, I would not have been surprised if they wanted someone thin, just to show that all sizes are vulnerable – especially for Type 1 (I know quite a few…)
    Still, that made for a good story. I couldn’t see an agent “rounding you up” for a job on purpose. That would not be efficient at all, would it?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sorryless says:

    SB,

    Diabetes ain’t no fun. I mean, they get to wear those snug socks, but that’s it. Everything else about the thing sucks. I like to remember that whenever I’m debating whether or not to have another tumbler of bourbon.

    Bess, as the kids would say, is living her best life. I bet you she has an Instagram page.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dale says:

    That definitely is not cool. There are way better ways of wasting our time – like with a good book – but then, that’s not a waste, is it?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh if only we all could drop seventy pounds like that. Very funny though: if they decide to stampede, I’m dead. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Vasca says:

    Best stories this week are so great and funny. Just what lifted my spirits after a day of shock during my eye research study…I’m one of the guinea pigs. Not good news but your super tales/tails are happy meds. And the news Bess is going early for such a reward? We can only dream. Wow.

    Like

  7. Eilene Lyon says:

    What slices of a (completely foreign to me) life! You make my day. And, as Dale pointed out, even thin people can have diabetes – so it coulda been…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Clever Girl says:

    You can never be too rich or too thin… unless you want to be in a diabetes commercial

    Like

  9. Ross de Marco says:

    The dogs cholesterol ?? The world is getting stranger and stranger . That really is a first for me . When I think my German Shepherd ate left over baked ziti , hot dogs , and even peanut butter ( given to him for a laugh cause I used yo love watching him licking his mouth over and over ) He lived for 17 years ! although perhaps Iโ€™d have gotten a few more years out of him if Iโ€™d have checked his triglycerides… hmmm

    Like

  10. aFrankAngle says:

    Cheers to your snippets. Wasn’t Seinfeld actually a documentary (not comedy) about life in NYC?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. robprice59 says:

    It’s been really warm here (gloat, gloat).
    They should have put you in the ad anyway: any attention is good attention in that game.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I found it most amusing that you asked if they had looked at your photograph, and then to find the wrong picture with your name on it was hilarious.

    Like

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