It’s 6:a.m. and 25 degrees, as I wait for the light to change crossing into the park, when I see a young guy, in a suit, coming towards me with his jacket open wearing only a button-down.
Me in my 4 layers couldn’t help saying, “Hey, it’s freezing out here. You’re not even wearing a scarf.”
“Couldn’t find it,” he says.
“Where the hell is your wife, if you don’t mind me asking?” Assuming he was married living on Fifth and all, and he says…
I then run into Caroline from the next building and her greyhound, Bess, who looks a little sad, not unusual for her breed, but Bess normally is a real party animal, no pun intended.
“What’s wrong with Bess? She seems not herself.”
“She’s not,” says Caroline. “We changed her food to bring her cholesterol down, and she’s not happy.”
I never knew dogs even had cholesterol, but of course, it’s the Upper East Side so one must assume.
“I’m sorry, I hope she’ll be her best Bess soon.”
“Oh she will. I promised her we’d leave for Palm Beach a week early. That’ll perk her up.”
It would perk me up too, and no, I did not make this up.
Last but not least, I went on a job interview for a Diabetes drug requested by the ad agency. Usually they want more robust people, but hey…when they ask to see you, you go. I walk in and sure enough every person waiting is fat. When I sit down, they all look at me curiously while I think, wow, if they decide to stampede, I’m dead.
When it’s my turn, I can’t help saying to the ad people, “Um, aren’t I a little too thin for this?”
They were shocked. “What happened? Did you suddenly lose a lot of weight?”
“I’ve always been this weight, but you saw my picture, right?”
“One second,” one of them says, while Googling my agent’s website.
Well, there I was, looking like I had jumped 12 dress sizes except, it wasn’t me. My name was under the wrong photo.
Turns out, Maxine, I’ll call her, was tweaking her site and something went a bit awry causing me to gain a good 70 pounds.
Guess I’m not gettin’ that job, but we did have a good laugh, and I got a story out of it.
So many tales to tell, in the Naked City.