It’s 6:a.m. and 25 degrees, as I wait for the light to change crossing into the park, when I see a young guy, in a suit, coming towards me with his jacket open wearing only a button-down.
Me in my 4 layers couldn’t help saying, “Hey, it’s freezing out here. You’re not even wearing a scarf.”
“Couldn’t find it,” he says.
“Where the hell is your wife, if you don’t mind me asking?” Assuming he was married living on Fifth and all, and he says…
“He’s sleeping.”
I then run into Caroline from the next building and her greyhound, Bess, who looks a little sad, not unusual for her breed, but Bess normally is a real party animal, no pun intended.
“What’s wrong with Bess? She seems not herself.”
“She’s not,” says Caroline. “We changed her food to bring her cholesterol down, and she’s not happy.”
I never knew dogs even had cholesterol, but of course, it’s the Upper East Side so one must assume.
“I’m sorry, I hope she’ll be her best Bess soon.”
“Oh she will. I promised her we’d leave for Palm Beach a week early. That’ll perk her up.”
It would perk me up too, and no, I did not make this up.
Last but not least, I went on a job interview for a Diabetes drug requested by the ad agency. Usually they want more robust people, but hey…when they ask to see you, you go. I walk in and sure enough every person waiting is fat. When I sit down, they all look at me curiously while I think, wow, if they decide to stampede, I’m dead.
When it’s my turn, I can’t help saying to the ad people, “Um, aren’t I a little too thin for this?”
They were shocked. “What happened? Did you suddenly lose a lot of weight?”
“I’ve always been this weight, but you saw my picture, right?”
“One second,” one of them says, while Googling my agent’s website.
Well, there I was, looking like I had jumped 12 dress sizes except, it wasn’t me. My name was under the wrong photo.
Turns out, Maxine, I’ll call her, was tweaking her site and something went a bit awry causing me to gain a good 70 pounds.
Guess I’m not gettin’ that job, but we did have a good laugh, and I got a story out of it.
So many tales to tell, in the Naked City.
SB
Susannah, I just love your snippets of NYC life. I’ve got to rush off to sub for high school English. You are such a great start to my day.
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I’m so in awe of your teacherhood. I’ve coined a phrase. Would love to see you in action. 🙂
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My boys are like that young man. It has to be minus a bazillion for gloves, never mind a closed coat.
I know pets are like family but oy! Some owners are off the top aren’t they?
As for the diabetes ad, I would not have been surprised if they wanted someone thin, just to show that all sizes are vulnerable – especially for Type 1 (I know quite a few…)
Still, that made for a good story. I couldn’t see an agent “rounding you up” for a job on purpose. That would not be efficient at all, would it?
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No, since we’re talking at least two hours of your time plus public transportation that could put you over the edge. That day, the army came on board with a Zeke sniffing for something suspect. I thought, if a bomb goes off, it will all be for Diabetes.
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I left before saying that your Diabetes bomb comment is almost funny. ‘Cept there is nothing funny about any bomb threat. Ever.
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I know, but all I kept thinking was…damned, I’m gonna be late. Only in New York.
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🍎😏
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SB,
Diabetes ain’t no fun. I mean, they get to wear those snug socks, but that’s it. Everything else about the thing sucks. I like to remember that whenever I’m debating whether or not to have another tumbler of bourbon.
Bess, as the kids would say, is living her best life. I bet you she has an Instagram page.
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I’ll bet she does too. I like Caroline for adopting her, so we forgive the casual, unconscious snootiness. Bess won a contest, the sweet girl whose face rivals Bambi’s.
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Of course she did. Where did they celebrate? Sardis?
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Funny. 🙂
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That definitely is not cool. There are way better ways of wasting our time – like with a good book – but then, that’s not a waste, is it?
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Neva!!!
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💝📚📖💖
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Oh if only we all could drop seventy pounds like that. Very funny though: if they decide to stampede, I’m dead. 😀
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That wasn’t nice of me Paul. I should delete that. sigh
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I probably shouldn’t have laughed at it either. That being said, we all make mistakes. At least in hindsight, we’re both sensitive to the situation.
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I’m being flip because that’s how I am about everything. Two people commented how you don’t have to be fat to be diabetic. It’s just an esssy Paul. A throwaway summation of three unimportant New York scenarios. And besides, they were fat. 🙄
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😀 Well, a fun post all the same. Hey, that’s New York, and anything can happen!
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That’s right. Like living at the circus. 🎪
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LOL! 😀
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Anything for a laugh.
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Was just thinking, you have the same silly sense of humor as I have. Nothing is so serious where you can’t laugh at it. Like a room full of fatties about to charge like buffalo. Just sayin’. 🙄
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Can’t resist even, though, sometimes I probably should. Of course, this attitude needs to be accompanied by the idea of not taking yourself too seriously. I mean, if we can’t laugh at ourselves, then we might be seen as being cruel, and I don’t think that should be our intent either. :O)
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I don’t know about you, but I’m hardly cruel plus, self deprecating is my middle name. Some of the comments I get rile me to no end since it seems, others take me much too seriously. I’m such a screwball, who writes.
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LOL, I don’t see you as cruel, and those who do are ill-informed—or just ill. 😀
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If I didn’t have my sense of humor I’d be bungee jumping, without a cord.
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Thank goodness for that, otherwise, a parachute might be in order. Fortunately, a good sense of humor is considerably cheaper—including a lot less anxious moments to boot. 😀
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You said it Paul.
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Best stories this week are so great and funny. Just what lifted my spirits after a day of shock during my eye research study…I’m one of the guinea pigs. Not good news but your super tales/tails are happy meds. And the news Bess is going early for such a reward? We can only dream. Wow.
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To The Breakers. I can see her on the beach on a blanket. Bess is very regal, and those legs. Betty Grable would be in awe.
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What slices of a (completely foreign to me) life! You make my day. And, as Dale pointed out, even thin people can have diabetes – so it coulda been…
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Yeah but, the norm in advertising geared toward obesity even though thin people suffer as well…look at Mary Tyler Moore who had it her whole life…but I can only relate from my own modelly experience.
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You can never be too rich or too thin… unless you want to be in a diabetes commercial
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🙂
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The dogs cholesterol ?? The world is getting stranger and stranger . That really is a first for me . When I think my German Shepherd ate left over baked ziti , hot dogs , and even peanut butter ( given to him for a laugh cause I used yo love watching him licking his mouth over and over ) He lived for 17 years ! although perhaps I’d have gotten a few more years out of him if I’d have checked his triglycerides… hmmm
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Must have been the sauce.
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Cheers to your snippets. Wasn’t Seinfeld actually a documentary (not comedy) about life in NYC?
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That was a great show. George was my hero.
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It’s been really warm here (gloat, gloat).
They should have put you in the ad anyway: any attention is good attention in that game.
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Oh well. What can a thin girl do. 😉
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I found it most amusing that you asked if they had looked at your photograph, and then to find the wrong picture with your name on it was hilarious.
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It was definitely a Lucy moment. Nice hearing from you. 🙂
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