There but for the Grace of God Go I…Mother Fucker

I’m writing this for me, not anyone who may happen to read it.

I am so colossally tired of apologizing for my hearing loss.

It’s to my credit, and believe me, deserve an award, that I haven’t stabbed anyone.

The haughtiness of it, is really what astounds me the most.  Impatience, ridicule, the superiority that comes from looking down at another.

I remember working with a group of people in 2013, the first year it happened, and how I was treated. They whispered, they stared…remarks were made over my weight loss, everyone assuming was due to cancer. Nope, nerves, that work overtime when one suddenly loses a sense, sadly common, not included.

Can you blame them?

Three of these people since then, have been gravely ill, all recovered I’m happy to say. Two had major heart issues, the third cancer. How I wanted to say, so you see, anything can befall anyone, at anytime. Does that change who you are? Aren’t you still that same schmuck, I mean…person…just facing a challenge?

Instead of treating them in kind, I was compassionate, caring and attentive. I prayed for them that they’d be out of the valley sooner than later, and they all are, for the most part.

Unfortunately for me, my affliction is chronic only praying that, by the grace of God, doesn’t get any worse.

I rarely hear from the big arrogant three, and that’s okay. Illness, after all, changes you, and not always for the better.

My heart, that was pretty open before, is now the width of the Chesapeake, and you know what…for this I am grateful.

SB

PS   Hearing loss is not contagious. I’m having bumper stickers made.    Unknown 2.jpeg

 

 

 

 

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Faith, Gratitude, Health, humanity, humor, words and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to There but for the Grace of God Go I…Mother Fucker

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Pookie once had a blood vessel burst in his eye. It looked like he had a bloody hole there. He said no one would look at his face while talking to him.They looked down at the ground, to the side, anywhere but at him. I think you’re handling your hearing loss as well if not better than anyone possible could.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sadly, hearing loss is different from other handicaps. The harder it is for me to hear, the more insistent people are to play background music in the car and during conversational gatherings. Isn’t it odd? They choose not to HEAR me when I say I’m struggling to catch people’s words.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hear ya, bad pun intended. I’m perceived somewhat, as a social pariah. It’s too much work to have to speak up while looking in my direction. I used to cry over it, now I let it go. What else can you do. Sigh

      Like

  3. Dale says:

    Dearest Susannah,

    Whyever should you ever apologize for your hearing loss? Did you choose to lose it? Is it a joy to have to ask people to repeat themselves? I guess we must also mock those who need glasses to see, then?

    It astounds me that anyone would feel superior for having “better” functioning organs. They are lucky indeed you haven’t resorted to stabbing. But that is not your way. Despite people’s ugliness, you choose grace and there is nothing wrong with that, Sister.

    Karma is a bitch and those big arrogant three are paying for theirs – they are lucky you still prayed for them. Though I absolutely get it. Once when driving along on a highway, I got cut off in a most violent manner – the friend with me said: I hope they land in a ditch. To which I replied: Don’t wish that! What if it does happen, how will you feel? I won’t repeat their response because it is so not right.

    You keep that big heart of yours open. The world is a better place for it.

    Dale xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Turning the other cheek is an art, and if I do get provoked to the point of having to address it, always say, I pray it never happens to you. We take our senses for granted. I know I did, till I all but lost one. The unconsciousness of those who display annoyance have gone legion. I’ve gotten better at not taking such ignorance personally, but I do, I’ll admit, get tired of it…hence, this essay. Thanks for what you wrote.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dale says:

        It is an art. And a frustration.
        This is going to sound odd, maybe, but this makes me think of the episode of “Will and Grace” I watched the other day (sometimes mindless TV is good; though this time, it was a notch above) and Will decided to turn the other cheek because he was tired of having to defend himself:
        “I’m not mad, I’m tired. Why do I have to lead the fight where every time someone says something remotely antigay, I have to jump in? I’ve marched, I’ve made the calls. Every time you think you can exhale, someone says they won’t bake your cake. I don’t want to defend who I am all the time; I want a day off.”
        I know it has nothing to do with losing one of your senses, but it was the overall feeling of the need to defend that struck me as similar (Gosh, I hope you don’t think I’m out to lunch with this comment!)
        I have rambled. I shall stop. I shall continue to be respectful to those who find themselves in a situation similar to yours. And count my blessings.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I get it…I’ve marched. No worries. It’s a great comment, as always. So many of us, apologize for things we have no control over. I don’t anymore. Our world Dale in so many ways, is going to hell in a handbasket, as they say. Lack of compassion is just the tip of the iceberg.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dale says:

        Phew 😉
        Yes, Susannah. It is. So we must keep on doing what we do and make our tiniest of dents…
        Hugs to you!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. And yet, I see a blind person who has a white cane. People make sure there is nothing he will trip over. They perceive him as helpless and rush to help him. Do you think we should wear large, white cane earrings to get help?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I suffer from a degree of hearing loss, especially in my right ear. When I lay on my side at night, depending on the side (which ear is to the air), I hear different things. Not nearly as much on my left side with my right up, but often weird noises when on my right. Last night, in my recliner, I fell nearly aside (perhaps did, a little) and heard conversations taking place. With my wonderful double vision and lack of periphery, I see all sorts of strange people and things. I understand completely.
    Scott

    Like

  6. Sorryless says:

    Susannah,

    I’m not going to bore you with some witty retort at the arrogance and ignorance of these assholes. You’re the better peep, simple as that. So instead, I’ll just say simply . . .

    Fuck ’em.

    Like

  7. Ross de Marco says:

    I find there are so many people ready to pull the trigger of criticism over these types of situations . I’ve seen it and heard it countless times as though they are some kind of Superman immune to any sort of health issue or above ever making mistakes ( another category of haughtiness) . Yes thankfulness while in the throes of your setback and not losing your heart for others in need of comfort shows tremendous character . Your life an example for others to read if they miss it – you standing above your hearing loss – you certainly have not lost heart ,these insensitive types are the ones who are spiritually and emotionally illiterate – their issues are far more debilitating. My belief is still that everything here in this life is only soo temporary . Don’t allow your peace to be taken , perhaps one day they will awaken , your ability to reach out as my Dad used to tell me will not be Forgotten by the one whose Final assessment really matters

    Like

    • Wow, this is so beautifully written Ross. Like a homily. Yes, it made me more aware of others with limitations. I see how humanity struggles. I’m at least zooming around seeing, running, reading. Of course I wish those I’ve known forever didn’t desert me as many of them have, but I’ve learned to accept the things I can’t control nor change.

      Like

  8. ruthsoaper says:

    I have often found myself explaining my hearing loss (though it usually doesn’t help) but never apologize for it. I think that hearing loss is probably one of the most common disabilities yet one of the least understood. People are very insensitive to it.

    Like

    • So many people have it. It amazes me. Some deny it and won’t seek help. I have the Mercedes of hearing aids I’ve named Max. He saved my life. Does it make me feel less alluring? Absolutely. But you know what means more than feeling sexy? Sound. I’m grateful Ruth, so, so grateful. And all the insensitives can put that in their closed hearts and smoke it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • ruthsoaper says:

        You are fortunate to have Max! A hearing aid won’t help with my hearing loss so I have learned to accommodate myself. Fortunately I have one “good” ear so if you are speaking to me I will try to position myself so that you are “on my good side”. It may still be difficult if there is any background noise. I am glad that I do not work outside on the home as I can imagine that I would struggle in most work environments. I also tend to avoid large public gatherings as they only tend to frustrate me.
        I am not sure if you saw it but I recently reblogged a post by a fellow blogger where she talks about her experience with hearing loss and encourages people to appreciate what they have. https://donteatitsoap.com/2019/02/28/hearing-me-a-documentary-for-the-bbc-world-service-now-available-to-listen-to/
        Hearing loss can happen to anyone at any time.

        Like

      • I will read it. And I’m told one good ear is really all one needs. I’m happy for you Ruth. Thanks so much.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Hopefully, those three might learn a thing or two from you, Susannah. All you can do is show them the way, it’s not your fault if they won’t hear of it.

    Like

  10. Gail Kaufman says:

    I find myself embarrassed when it is clear that someone has judged my hearing loss whether they verbalize it or not. It’s the look, the sigh or worse, the “never mind.” It happens in noisy restaurants, and with fast talkers and speakers with a certain pitch. It is interesting how people can show compassion for visible but not invisible impairments. I think it’s particularly true in this age of low tolerance with anything that is not speedy, especially in the Northeast Metropolitan area. Repeating themselves, it seems, is more than people can bear. How sad is that?

    Like

  11. You’re right that anything can happen to anyone at anytime. Unfortunately most people don’t gain that perspective of the precariousness of life until after something bad happens to them, and as you said, not even then. Keep strong, my friend. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. robprice59 says:

    I think I’d rather suffer hearing loss, than be so insensitive to the plight of others.

    Like

  13. I appreciate you speaking about this. People with disabilities like my daughter, need more people to spread the word that they are being inconsiderate and unkind when they are disrespectful

    Like

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